At first there was light flirting, then burning passion, and then the relationship reached a dead end. Many couples face this problem - the transition to a higher level often becomes difficult for men. And here a problem arises - it turns out that he simply does not want a serious relationship, but he is in no hurry to let his chosen one go.
Causes
Many girls and women who seem to be in serious relationships at first glance do not even suspect that as a result they risk being left broke. A young man can show multiple signs of attention, try to be loving and caring, but not cross the line of ordinary lovers.
This situation is quite common in young couples - the girl waits for her husband to propose marriage to her, but the guy is in no hurry. Over time, the passion of the relationship begins to slowly fade away. Conflict situations arise on this basis, unjustified expectations that develop into disappointment. The result is a painful break in the relationship and a long reluctance to start something new for both partners.
To understand the nature of this male behavior, you need to understand the reasons for your reluctance to enter into a serious relationship.
- Habit. This is the case when the betrothed is sure that you will not escape from him. He is used to the fact that his beloved is always there - in sorrow and joy. Such a man does not take any important steps just because he knows that his soul mate will be at hand in any case, even if she does not have exact guarantees for a future together.
- Convenience. The young man is at ease and comfortable precisely in the conditions in which he now finds himself. Why complicate things? The girl already greets him with a hot dinner and a tender kiss, he is always welcome at home - why the imposed formalities?
- Pressure. Many young ladies make a huge mistake by constantly pestering their lover with conversations about marriage. “Mashka has been married for two years already, and their children are so beautiful. And I sit in the girls and wait for the weather by the sea. When will you decide to get married? Such conversations give men goosebumps, and they, in turn, run away from such annoying ladies because of this.
- Eternal bachelor. Representatives of this type protect themselves in every possible way from serious and long-term relationships. They do not consider the option “for better or worse, until death do us part.” For a single man, it is important to feel his freedom, which, in their opinion, is not even discussed in married life.
- Guardianship. Sometimes representatives of the stronger sex confuse feminine care with intrusive guardianship. It seems to them that the girl is beginning to control all areas of his life. As if in distant childhood he was told to “put on a hat” or “don’t stay out late.” It is difficult for a man to spend his free time with such a soul mate - it seems to him that in any convenient situation she will again begin to “nag” him and take care of him too intrusively.
- Influence of friends. In a male company, where most guys have not yet entered into a serious relationship, a young man will not want to stand out. In addition, there may be jokes from his comrades about how he was clamped down and deprived of the right to choose. He will begin to protest and, in order to prove his independence, he would rather prefer the company of friends than strong bonds of marriage.
- Bitter experience. If we are talking about a man who has already experienced a difficult breakup or even divorce, then the fear of stepping on the same rake does not seem so surprising. Most likely, he is driven by the fear of such betrayal and disappointment, which does not allow him to offer the girl anything more than just a pleasant pastime.
In the video below you can see a man’s point of view of fear of a serious relationship.
The woman's behavior in the current situation
The understanding that the relationship has reached its maximum does not come immediately. At first, such a union seems ideal - the man is always there, provides support, listens and understands. He shows love and care with all his being, but at the same time keeps his distance.
Over time, the girl gets tired of being “at arm’s length” and she will definitely try to take a step towards something more. Depending on her character, a woman can do this slowly and carefully, or at one point she can tell her chosen one about her dissatisfaction.
Important! Such sudden movements are unlikely to lead to success. An obstinate representative of the stronger sex will try to protect himself from external pressure, and will begin to hide from dialogues, like a snail in its shell.
The best strategy in this situation is caution. There is no need to talk about “where are we heading” every day? Conversations of this kind will only push your significant other further away, creating a chasm of misunderstanding between you.
If you begin to notice that the spark is fading and the chosen one is gradually moving away, you should try to add “fresh air” to the usual rhythm of life.
Ways to “spice up” relationships
You can't keep a man who's bored next to you. By nature, every representative of the stronger sex is a true conqueror. He is ready to conquer the lady of his heart all his life, but for this she needs to stir up his interest every day.
If you feel that, despite your partner’s lack of initiative, this relationship has a chance for a happy future, you should fight for it. Try to bring something new into your life together and make him fall in love with you again. To do this, you can use one or all of the recommendations of psychologists.
- Stop being offended. No man tolerates women's insults over trifles. Girls sometimes exaggerate minor quarrels and misunderstandings, interpreting this as disrespect for themselves or as a way to “touch a nerve.” But most often, men simply do not attach importance to their statements towards their loved ones, so they sincerely do not understand when they are sent to spend the night on the sofa because of a joke that a girl has short fingers.
- Become a true friend. It is very important for a representative of the stronger sex that his chosen one accepts all his positive and negative sides. Only with a girl friend can he share his experiences and feel comfortable. It is this approach to relationships that will help make them stronger and more reliable.
- Stay a little girl. Every guy wants to be a guardian angel for his other half. He is ready to take care and patronize her, so let the man be stronger. You should not try to control him, impose your own thoughts and demand something.
- Be interesting. As soon as a woman becomes an open book, in which the whole plot becomes clear even at the moment of the preface, the man immediately closes it. Discover new sides of yourself - don’t be afraid to experiment with hobbies, go for walks with friends and don’t reduce the whole world to your soulmate.
- Don't put restrictions. Human psychology in this regard is very simple - “the forbidden fruit is always sweet.” As soon as you establish a taboo on any actions of your lover, he will immediately want to go against you. Do not limit his freedom of action, and he will become the most faithful and grateful for it.
- Trust. This applies to all areas of life together. For example, you shouldn’t nag a guy for going on a business trip with his pretty secretary - he won’t cheat until you give him such an idea. The same applies to solving everyday issues. Allow him to make important decisions, even if they don't always seem like the best ones to you.
How to understand that there is no point in fighting
The above recommendations will not always be of any use. It may happen that the main reason for your reluctance to enter into a serious relationship is that you simply stopped being loved. But at the same time, the man will not be in a hurry to go “free swimming.” It is very important to recognize this transition from love to indifference in time.
Such a change in the perception of a once beloved woman will not always be obvious. But it can be recognized by the following signs.
- He began to spend more time outside the home.
- There is no more usual passion in bed.
- Frequent quarrels arise over trifles.
- The man began to take out his anger on you.
- The chosen one constantly argues and disagrees with you even in the most basic situations.
- The young man has stopped sharing important events from his life with you.
In addition to the above, there are some other points by which you can understand that the relationship has exhausted itself. You can see them in the video below.
If you notice similar behavior in your significant other, you should think about whether the game is worth the candle? Perhaps the best option for you would be to break up such a relationship. This decision is worth thinking about and weighing the pros and cons, but by taking this step, you can discover something more serious and meaningful.
How to break a hopeless union
Realizing that you have fallen out of love is very painful. Acceptance of this situation will not happen at once - it is very important not to close yourself off from the outside world, but to try to look at the situation from a different angle.
You need to decide to leave a person who doesn’t love you as quickly as possible. You shouldn’t torture yourself with relationships that probably have no future. There are several recommendations on how to minimize suffering at such an important moment.
- Love yourself. Do you deserve this kind of treatment? All this time, the man used and manipulated you, keeping you “on a short leash.” It is very important to understand that the feelings have passed and now he perceives you as a habit, and not as the girl he loves.
- Find a hobby you love. Doing what you love will allow you to protect yourself from constant thoughts about your ex-man. This way, you will plunge headlong into something new and occupy your free time.
- Enjoy the moment. This is not to say that you will be very happy during this period, but you should try to make the most of this time. Left alone, spend your leisure time as you want. If before you rarely saw your friends, now you have no restrictions on this.
- Start a new romance. Most likely, you will not be ready for a serious relationship right away. But light flirting and understanding that men are interested in you will only be beneficial after a bad breakup.
Most likely, the news that you want to stop dating a guy will stun him. He will try to give arguments why this should not be done. Perhaps he will try to win you back and temporarily “blur” his eyes, showing increased interest in you.
The likelihood that by returning to him you will get a second chance to start a family is almost zero. At first, the young man will try in every possible way to hold on to his beloved, to care for her, as if the relationship had just begun.
But after some time everything will fall into place - people do not change and he will not be an exception to this rule. If your man didn’t want a serious relationship before, he won’t want one now. His attempts to maintain such an alliance will turn out to be just a fear of loneliness.
It is very important to understand that breakup has its own stages that should be experienced. You can see them in the video below.
Therefore, if the decision to break off a hopeless relationship was carefully thought out and balanced, go to the end. Don’t remember happy moments from your life together and don’t allow the thought “what if I’m wrong” in your head.
Remember that by stopping something old and meaningless, you open up to new relationships that will definitely succeed in the future.
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Svetlana, age: 36 / 10/15/2018
Responses:
Good afternoon Svetlana, it’s as if you are completely dependent on what your husband wants, but you don’t make decisions yourself. To stop believing, you need to analyze the facts (ignoring emotions), how many times has a person deceived you? I say this because I myself went through the same decision-making swing, he also comes with a ring and flowers, he hung huge posters with my photo on the fence, left wonderful letters on the car and said a bunch of beautiful words, but his actions were about something completely different. I really regret that I didn’t make a decision right away, but dragged it all out until the moment when I was beaten and I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. And even after that there were beautiful words and the conviction that everything would change, only I already had my firm decision, based on his actions, and not on promises. Don't repeat my mistakes, don't waste time and energy. Learn to be happy yourself without him. And if you want to give him a chance, then set your own conditions for him. If he needs a family, he must prove it in order to restore the balance that went into the negative due to his deception. For example, leaving a second girlfriend, living alone, but not with you, taking care of children, etc. You may want to think about what would convince you that he has changed. Until you see confirmation, it’s best not to count on it.
Alena Muza, age: 45 / 10/16/2018
Svetlana!
Your husband's behavior is disgusting.
The man, as they say, revealed himself. Now you have seen him from that side that was previously hidden from you. You like? Would you go on reconnaissance missions with this? Would you rely on such a man who rushes around the yard like a chicken, unable to choose between his wife and his mistress?
Let's assume he chooses you. How will you continue to live? You will remember all this bargaining, all these comings and goings, how you were thrown out and changed like a thing, compared with another. You will become imbued with hatred, even if the person remains nearby.
Therefore, now I would recommend that you pull yourself together and DO NOT allow yourself to be treated this way.
And, you know, you're already on your way to it.
The “I” will awaken in you, self-respect will awaken - and you will turn the corner.
And then another life will begin: you will grow, and your galloping husband will decrease. And one day you will realize that you have become different and you are not on the same path with this person. And thank God and the circumstances that you are free and your principles are high, and no one will wipe their feet on you anymore.
And believe me, it will attract attention to you. But completely different people. People who will respect, appreciate and love you.
Alexey, age: 39 / 10/17/2018
Good morning! I want to ask for your help and advice. My husband arrives tomorrow and tearfully asks to be allowed to come to us in the evening. How should I behave? The children miss him very much, so I don’t want to prevent them from meeting. And I just started to calm down and come to my senses. A lot of different feelings inside, from anger and resentment to a terrible desire to see him. I still believe in my heart that he will come to his senses and understand that we are the meaning of his life.
Svetlana, age: 36 / 10.23.2018
Svetlana, you’ve probably already resolved the issue yourself.
And it is right.
Everything is individual.
In my opinion, rapid convergence is the worst option.
Keep your distance and let them know that YOU did NOT create this distance.
After this, I would just watch for six months.
If a person just has a temporary attraction to you, it will quickly pass and the husband will leave again.
If it's something else, you'll understand.
Stop being an easily accessible alternate airfield.
Alexey, age: 39 / 10.26.2018
Thank you, you are right. There is no need to be a backup option and give him the energy he comes for. It will only destroy me. I need to think about myself and the children. They need a mother and an example of the correct relationship between a man and a woman. It's time for us to get out of his life!
Svetlana, age: 36 / 10.27.2018
Svetlana, be aware that you are not accepting your husband, but someone else’s man. Of course, he leaves - he is a stranger. And the key with which he opens your door is children. Daughter is 3 years old, son is 1 year old? Sorry for the harshness, but children begin to seriously ask about their father at the age of 4-5.
You just want him to come back, and you are deceiving yourself and those around you, hiding behind your children. I read your story, have you been with him since he was 15 years old? Got married at 25? Until then, did you live together without parting for a minute? Did he respect you then or was he just using you? As bitter as it is to admit, he continues to do what he is used to and what suits him and suits him. My advice is to start with your soul. Go to church and repent for cohabitation. Maybe then it will be easier to keep your distance.
Considering that you gave birth to children at 35 and 33 (a little late, if you lived since 15, it makes you think), it seems that he has already fulfilled his function for you and on a deep level you have already pushed him away, and addiction does not give you finally break up.
Pella, age: 57 / 10/28/2018
Good evening. I don't agree about children. Yes, a one-year-old son doesn’t ask. But my daughter always asks questions about dad, and I see that she misses him very much, she always tries to justify his absence by saying that he has a lot of work, and as soon as he does everything, he will immediately come to her. She wakes up at night and walks around the apartment looking for him. He sits on a chair in front of the front door and waits for him. And this despite any explanations, not mine, not grandparents, not even a child psychologist. She doesn’t seem to hear that he doesn’t live with us, but believes that he went to work and will return soon. And you think that this means he won’t wait?
About marriage and relationships. At the very beginning of the relationship, we agreed that we would get married after we graduated from college, get a job and be able to provide for ourselves without sitting on our parents’ necks.
Before marriage, we did not live together, but spent all our free and non-free time together, breathed each other, supported each other. With children, everything is more complicated. Immediately after the wedding, I became pregnant, but due to health problems I was unable to bear a child. We lost our baby at a very advanced stage of pregnancy. My husband took this loss very hard. After a series of operations, the last of which was in 2012, a very long-awaited daughter appeared in 2014. My husband was happy, our relationship became hundreds of times better, although it seemed that it could not have been better. At the end of 2016 we decided to have a second child. I got pregnant quite quickly, had a good first trimester, but from the second, serious health problems began again, my husband was very worried. Well, apparently I found a “worthy” comforter ((((
Dear Pella! I think I wrote what and why, but your review touches me. There is something in him that I haven’t even thought about, maybe, indeed, I have already let him go deep in my soul, and I am tormented by attachment, habit, disappointed hopes and unrealized plans.
Svetlana, age: 36 / 10.28.2018
Svetlana, good afternoon!
Your attitude is encouraging.
You know what to do and have prioritized things pretty quickly.
This means that you don’t sit and waste time, but have already begun to adapt to new rails.
Alas, they are leaving our lives. Often exposing his unsightly essence.
And it’s a blessing that you can also leave and distance yourself from the horror that is unfolding.
And understand yourself better.
Pain is the pain of growing. Transition to a new stage of development.
I really sympathize with you and understand completely.
I went through a breakup myself.
Alexey, age: 39 / 10/30/2018
Sveta, if my review touches you, it means I touched on something really important. You go to a child psychologist - that's right. But 3 years is too early to ask questions about your father. Probably, the daughter “feels you.” In your words he asks. You need to pull yourself together, then it will be easier for your daughter. Otherwise, your pain will accompany her until she realizes it and separates it. I'm very glad you didn't cohabitate. A worthy path, the more offensive it is to meet what is now. But you have nothing to reproach yourself with.
Regarding the long break between the wedding and the birth of children - that’s what I expected. And again, you have nothing to blame yourself for.
And regarding the “clinginess” of my review... You understood its outrageousness and let it go with your mind. With a cool mind. Your body has received what a woman needs - children. That’s why I’m writing that on a deep level you let him go. What remains is the heart. Emotional attachment. You write - believe and wait. Waiting is hope. There is nothing to wait for, everything has arrived. But with faith... Spiritual attachment... It’s impossible to believe in a person, to give everything to him. Because he may turn out to be weak, and you also need to take care not only of him, but also of your soul. consult with the priest, maybe go to the monastery. A trip to Diveevo at one time helped me. And the words - save yourself and that's enough. When you think about your soul, what it wants, then true liberation will come. Just ask her honestly and listen carefully to the answer.
Pella, age: 57 / 10/30/2018
Svetlana, I read about your daughter, how she puts a chair in front of the door and waits, and I feel sorry for her, almost to the point of tears. When I got divorced, my daughter was only a little over three years old. In the beginning, I saw her/took her to my place at least 2 times a week. But despite this constancy, she was still, of course, very worried.
There were questions, tears, requests like “Dad, please try to live with Mom again,” etc.
I think that, given the behavior of her father, it is especially important for you to strengthen yourself. After all, she really reads all your anxiety, all your anxiety. Out of love for your daughter, try.
I understand that you don’t go to a child psychologist with her regularly, but you’ve been once or twice. Yes, even regularly - if at home there is no inner confidence, faith in the future, that everything will be fine - where will the child find it?
Why do you go to psychologists whom BM puts on you? Find psychologists who work in the spirit of the site survive.ru, or an Orthodox psychologist. Or just read survive.ru, there are ZSL courses: http://shkola.realove.ru/
Andrey, age: 39 / 10/30/2018
Andrey, no, my daughter and I have been going to a child psychologist once a week since March (as soon as her father began to behave inappropriately). And I was not with those psychologists whom my ex-husband advises, but with others. At first I started going to one, but he quickly realized where I was going and met her. I found the second psychologist through friends. She is a very good clinical psychologist, but as soon as I went to see her twice, he showed up at the same place for the third session. I understand that a calm and happy mother means happy and calm children. I’m working on myself and my attitude towards the situation, but from time to time he appears in our lives and completely unsettles me. I would like to completely detach myself and feel peace and joy from the fact that he is not in our lives, but so far I haven’t been able to do this very well. We came up with small holidays with the children and organize them for ourselves 3 times a week, trying not to depend on him. We are a family: me and my children. We lived honestly, did not betray or deceive anyone. I understand all this. But when he appears and plays with the children, my heart is torn to pieces, I want everything to be as before, before the “fairy” appeared in our lives.
Svetlana, age: 36 / 10/31/2018
Svetlana, it’s good that you go to a child psychologist. But, nevertheless, it is very important for you to understand yourself. Children really feel the experiences of their parents. So it’s like on an airplane - I put on an oxygen mask first for myself, then for the child.
I don't understand what kind of psychologists these are and how it is ethical to meet with their client's ex-husband.
Look for a good psychologist who will not allow himself to be influenced. There is a correspondence school of love - online - as an option: http://shkola.realove.ru/ And a forum: http://www.nelubit.ru/
You say he won't let you go. But this, Svetlana, is a delusion. This is what people say who do not know how to control themselves, their feelings, desires, hopes. Like, the other one doesn’t let go.
Yes, your ex-husband's behavior makes your task more difficult. But if a person (i.e. you) wants to step away and close the door, he can do so. For some reason you don't want to.
Andrey, age: 39 / 03.11.2018
Andrey, good evening! Thank you, a man’s perspective on the situation is very important to me. I really want to step away, I do a lot for this. But at times such melancholy comes over me, thoughts appear that everything can still be good, and my ex-husband will come to his senses. This especially gets worse when he starts going to the children every day and telling them that he will soon stop working so much and will spend more time with us, that he loves me and the children very much. And then it disappears again. I struggle with these thoughts. I think I've already made a little progress. I don’t write or call him, I didn’t do this before (after this whole situation came to light), I blocked him on social networks. If he calls, I only talk to him about business. If he starts to shift the conversation to how much he loves me and how wrong he is, I stop the conversation and hang up. I try to spend more time with my children. I am still very unstable emotionally, but I understand that he is now telling me what I want to hear. But actions, unfortunately, tell a different story. I am learning to look at him and his actions soberly. I can handle it, I will recover, my children and I will be the happiest, because we have each other. These difficulties are temporary. My pain is no longer so severe, but it still burns me from the inside and there are times when I want to “howl at the moon.” I read a lot of information on the site and realized that at least a year is needed to recover and go through all stages of the crisis. It seems to me that I have almost passed the stage of denial.
Svetlana, age: 36 / 03.11.2018
Dear Svetlana. Time will pass, not a little, not quickly, and you will be able to breathe deeply. How long it takes is up to you. This pain, separation, loss must be experienced. It depends on this whether your children will be happy and whether you will be happy. Now my daughter is bored, but years later, seeing her jumping dad and her tear-stained mother, she will say, “Why, for what.” Seeing an unhappy mother will hurt her more than now. The future of your children is in your hands. By accepting it back, you show that it is possible to live this way. But there is only one life, and you can’t live like that. Listen to Alexey and Alexander, their male gaze, and the pain they have experienced will help you. Re-read the advice of women who feel you with all their souls. And this one, no longer yours, doesn’t even think about the condition of your daughter. A little more of this kind of torture, you will start taking your son to a psychologist, if you have the strength and money left. And he, a moral... egoist, and his madam will go on vacation. Strength to you and your family. God bless you.
Luchik, age: 39 / 11/10/2018
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Good day, dear readers! The topic of today's article is only for women.
He will learn men's secrets, and we will finally try to understand: why a man does not want a relationship and at the same time does not let go.
Women who find themselves in a precarious situation suffer and find no way out. And they often ask themselves: why is this happening to me.
In such a situation, it is worth trying the opposite sex and finding out the reasons for such behavior of partners.
Why a guy maintains a relationship, although he no longer loves him, is a difficult question, because each couple has its own unique situation. And most often it’s all about the instinct of the owner.
He gets used to having a faithful friend who sacrifices a lot for him. It is very difficult to refuse such a novel.
Many people like to feel their unemotional advantage over a person who cannot cope with his passions.
Often, a romance that has begun vigorously suddenly fades, and the person who recently wooed you suddenly loses interest.
Meetings take place less frequently, and then the man disappears and goes about his business. At the same time, a man has freedom and a woman is always waiting for a meeting, and there are no obligations.
He does not make general plans, but he is in no hurry to stop the appearance of connection. It is difficult for a woman to understand that serious intentions were not intended from the first moment of the novel, and romance is only one-sided.
If time passes and there are no serious attempts, then you need to think about whether you need such hassle.
Do you really love him, or do you regret wasting your time, or maybe you are afraid of being alone.
Even if it’s very difficult, try to free yourself from such relationships, at least emotionally. Maybe you are deluded into the fact that the man is holding you.
Perhaps you are the one clinging to him. Give him and yourself more freedom.
After all, distance often helps a man better evaluate a woman.
Here the conqueror's instinct immediately kicks in.
Let's find out the reasons
A man is flattered that he is loved and that everything is done for him. At the same time, he may not strain himself, but simply not refuse such an opportunity.
Let's find out what other reasons force a man to keep his partner nearby even if she is not his beloved:
- A long relationship with a girl has already exhausted itself, but until a new love appears, the guy does not break up with his old passion. First, the force of habit. And secondly, just searching.
- Confused in feelings, especially if he has another woman besides you. Just in case, he won’t let both of them go yet. He is afraid to advertise your relationship.
- The guy is not ready for a permanent relationship or marriage.
- Fear of loneliness.
- A comfortable romance that flatters the ego.
- Perhaps you are dear to him as a comrade and friend, and he is with you only because of these feelings or out of gratitude.
If you become interested in someone else or change your lifestyle, he may try to win you back. But do you need such games?
You could waste your best years daydreaming and miss out on truly meaningful relationships.
A girl in love finds excuses for any action of her lover.
What is the right thing to do?
Such painful connections entangle the mind and do not allow starting another relationship. Years pass, and your partner is still not ripe for serious decisions.
Most women do not immediately understand that they are not loved, and this despite the vaunted female intuition. When awareness comes, many try to restore love and reanimate the feelings of their partner.
Others gain strength and break the connection. And some try to take revenge in the same way.
In any case, it is worth talking to the man. Often a man says everything frankly, and a simple conversation will put everything in its place.
Then you will have to decide the future fate of the novel.
In doing so, consider the following factors:
- the duration of the affair, the longer the couple is together, the more difficult it is for her to end everything;
- the strength of your feelings for a man;
- the presence of common children, a group of friends and property;
- your partner's behavior and attitude towards you.
It is necessary to work on relationships if you already have a child. The point is not how you arrange your future life and your worries about the fact that there are few people willing to meet a woman with a child. 
And it’s all about the child and his psychological state, as well as his future fate. After a divorce, children suffer no less than their parents.
Some couples need a shake-up.
Often strong and stable relationships seem boring. A little distance will only do you good.
Could things change?
Let's find out the psychologist's advice to the question: can a man still fall in love?. Experts believe that the likelihood of feelings arising in this situation quite insignificant.
If he uses a woman, then you shouldn’t expect unexpected bright emotions.
It also happens that a partner does not want to change something, because there are still some feelings and then it is worth making some efforts.
For example, try to look attractive all the time and show concern, but at the same time live your own life and give freedom to your partner.
If a guy is only interested in a one-time relationship, but he stays with you for a long time, then maybe there are feelings.
It’s just difficult for a freedom-loving person to admit affection. But this only happens in novels, so don’t indulge yourself with illusions and don’t be complacent with unfulfilled dreams.
Kill all hope in yourself, and you will immediately understand what to do.
Is it possible to break the chains yourself?
If you decide to break up, then announce a new romance, even if it is not true and say that your romance was a mistake. Announce that you are leaving.
Just don't do this with the phone or letters. Understatement will pull you back. Don't cling to useless straws.
Scenes of jealousy and pleading may follow and must be endured.
If your partner has not wanted to move to the next level of the relationship for so long, then it is unlikely that he will do so in the future.
There are men who hate being the first to be abandoned. They may try to get you back and even stalk you.
And at the same time they will say what you want to hear.
Remember that the easiest way to understand whether this is your person or not is from a distance. Only by breaking off an old relationship can you come to a new one. Life goes by too quickly to give it away to those who will never appreciate it.
Remember that you can’t force yourself to be nice. Don't cling, but let go. Take care of yourself, work and exercise. Find a new hobby.
It’s also not worth knocking out a wedge with a wedge or changing an awl for soap. Don't be afraid of loneliness. In fact, that can be wonderful too.
After all, only by being alone with oneself can a person learn and develop. This means reading books, mastering a new skill or acquiring new education or knowledge.
So don't be upset, but get busy.
Good luck to you and self-realization! If you want to say something, please write in the comments.
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And being a woman is a multifaceted and difficult topic, since in a union both partners play an important role, and each of them has their own character and outlook on life. When everything goes well for a couple, no special difficulties arise. But in life there are quite ambiguous situations.
The subject of our conversation today is the psychology of a man’s relationship with a woman, when on the one hand he shows his indifference, on the other, he does not let go of his chosen one. Everyone in such a union has a hard time. A man most often feels for the lack of love for his chosen one, a woman does not understand why he does not take responsibility for making the decision to separate. Both cannot find a place for themselves, life takes on dark colors.
How does the woman feel?
What should you do if a man doesn’t love you and won’t let you go? First, try to understand the range of feelings. If there is love or great affection, then, of course, you can save the relationship. But will both partners need them or will they continue to exist on women’s initiative?
Intuition, and with it common sense, should suggest the correct answer. There are thousands of examples when a man who remained with a woman after something like this changed for the better, and the couple did not part for the rest of their lives. But there are the same statistics on cases where such tactics did not lead to anything good, and the partners soon separated. Instead of tormenting yourself and banging your head against the wall in search of an answer to the question of what to do if a man said “I don’t love you,” try first of all to collect your thoughts and understand how you yourself feel about him. What speaks loudest in you: wounded pride, wounded pride or love? Based on this, a decision needs to be made.
Habit and nothing more
Most often, a man does not let a woman go, because he is used to her, and it is so convenient for him. In general, such an act characterizes him as an egoist and insecure person. For the sake of his own comfort, a man is ready to neglect his partner’s feelings. If you understand that you are definitely a backup option for him, do not allow yourself to be humiliated like that. Every woman deserves to experience love and mutually enjoy this feeling with her man. If he can't give this, the relationship has no meaning.
In general, the task of a husband in a woman’s life is to make her happy, protect her, and help her in difficult situations. Life is too short to waste it on unnecessary people who don't value you. Your person will certainly meet and give you unforgettable joy from mutual love.
Fear of being alone
If a man does not love and does not let go, perhaps you have forgiven him too much, and he has felt the beauty of impunity. At the same time, most often he behaves a little arrogantly, showing in every possible way that finding a partner is not a problem for him. You will have to think about how to continue living. Plus, words of humiliation towards a woman are often heard like: “who needs you anyway,” “who will look at you,” etc. And it doesn’t matter at all what a woman’s appearance actually is and she may be written a beauty, an excellent housewife and successful in life. Why doesn't a man let such a woman go? Because he is afraid to be alone. And he allows humiliating phrases because he himself hates what he says to others about himself. There are deep complexes on the face, the main one being one’s own inferiority and Is such a man needed nearby if he is as helpless as a child?
Owner by nature
Many unions and families are created according to the principle: there was a good, economical girl, so I got married. And when a more attractive woman meets in life, they immediately begin to think that there was no love in marriage, but here there is. And the wife begins to love her husband, he loves his mistress, and she, in the hope that she has met her fate, as a rule, does not even suspect his marital status.
If by nature a man is an owner, not endowed with conscience by nature and upbringing, then he will use every possible means to keep both ladies near him. At the same time, each of them will hear masterly speeches about how hard it is for him, how he has to break apart. In such situations, men manage to bind two chosen ones to themselves with promises, crazy explanations of what is happening and vows of love for each of them. This is the psychology of a man’s relationship with a woman.
Lady takes matters into her own hands
When a family drama unfolds according to a similar scenario, the wife must decide what to do next. The presence of children, shared living space and other property “acquired by back-breaking labor” should not frighten or stop us. The main thing in a situation, if a man does not love and does not let go, is to let him understand that his wife is not his property, like his children, and everything else must be divided by law. It’s not worth putting up with your husband’s antics in the hope that he will come to his senses and understand what an invaluable gift his wife gave him in the form of taking him back. This could go on forever and you will waste your life waiting for a miracle. In addition, men are designed in such a way that few of them voluntarily leave a good woman.
They look at life together, especially as they age, in a very practical way. If the housewife and the clever girl are in the house, then the beautiful artist can be found on the side. This is usually called a vent.
Let's put an end to it!
If you are unlucky and your husband is the instigator of such a situation, you need to show him that you also have the right to a full life. You will not be satisfied with the option of partially satisfying your needs. Often men, seeing such an attitude, begin to become more active. True, their vector is not always aimed at preserving the family. If a man says that he doesn’t love you, it means he will no longer be your husband. He can remain a father to his children, help financially, but access to your body, and especially to your heart, is forever closed.
Don't do things like that
Many women make a very common mistake - they continue with their husband, knowing about his infidelity and the presence of a third person. Firstly, if he still perceives you as a sex object, then this can serve as a powerful lever of influence on the future relationship. If you stop intimacy, he will either simply leave, since there is no point in staying, or he will make efforts to restore contact. Whatever the outcome, it's better than what's in
He's confused...
If a man does not love and does not let go, it happens that he is really confused. Life is unpredictable, sometimes people fall in love. Maybe the situation had an influence, the circumstances came together, or I met a persistent lady.
You can’t command your heart - yes, but a person is able to control his actions. If you don’t look for meetings with the object of your sympathy, but simply try not to think about it, then, most likely, there will be no problems, and the flame of a stormy relationship will not flare up from a spark of passion. But men are very susceptible to temptation. It is easier for them to succumb to temptation, or rather, it is more difficult for them to resist. These are such weak-willed creatures. For many, neither the presence of a family nor children bothers them.
But if your man is confused in his feelings, then help him sort them out. Of course, if he asks about it and has a frank conversation as a human being. If there are no reproaches from him that it’s all your fault, that’s already good. A man can admit to adultery, but clarify that it was this that helped him understand how much he loves his wife. Yes, you shouldn’t just let the situation go. You should teach him a lesson in some way. For example, start devoting more time to yourself, spend an amount on your own needs that you never allowed yourself before, take care of your appearance, change your image, pay attention to personal interests. This behavior will show that you are ready to be close only to the man who will value you and take into account your views. During this period, it is better to relegate the interests of the family to the background. Seeing how well-groomed, enthusiastic and spiritual you have become, your spouse will most likely begin to conquer you again.
Conclusion
Whatever situation happens in your life, you should not think that just because you are a weak and fragile woman, you do not have the right to make key decisions. Only the person himself can choose which path to follow and what steps to take. A husband or lover, of course, has a great influence on a woman’s life, but they are a component of it. You can’t tolerate any of your partner’s antics just to avoid being alone. This will only lead to an unhappy life that will lose meaning. To prevent this from happening, respect and love yourself, then any man you meet along the way will have no choice but to treat you the same. Be happy!
They say that women have a strange and incomprehensible logic. However, men also have their own problems, one of which is the situation when they are already tired of the relationship, would like to break up, but at the same time do not take decisive action. If a man is married, then his reluctance to part with his mistress can last for years. At the same time, he does not leave his wife, in which he takes a clear and unambiguous position.
The relationship is “a suitcase without a handle”: it’s hard to carry and it’s a shame to throw it away. The person who came up with this expression was truly a very creative person who understood the essence of relationships. Just as it’s hard to deal with a broken suitcase when you don’t want to think about unnecessary problems, so love relationships become a burden when spouses or simply lovers no longer really love each other.
A person truly sometimes acts strangely and illogically. Many people see that their partners do not suit them or they do not love them, but continue to hold on to them. For what? After all, every person deep down understands that people do not change, they can only pretend until they achieve what they want. Moreover, over time, a person gets tired of enduring bullying from his partner, and he breaks up with him. Why don’t you initially break off relations with someone, seeing that you already have serious differences of opinion, and in the future serious disagreements will arise on this basis?
This is where habit, attachment and even laziness come into play. Habit tells a person the following: “You know her much better than other contenders for your love. Others still need to be liked, but she no longer needs to be liked, she will still be there.” Attachment repeats itself: “Next to this person you have this, you can do this and demand the following. Why do you think you can do all the same things next to another partner? But laziness always says the same thing: “Are you feeling bad now? Do you really want what you lack? If not, then don’t bother your head with unnecessary thoughts, it’s better to turn on the TV...”
Thus, a person continues a meaningless relationship with his partner and tinkers with them like a suitcase without a handle. This can be called a trap that a person falls into because of his own reluctance to be the master of his life. When a person starts to think that “it’s better to live like this than to do something, make mistakes and suffer failures until I find someone with whom I can build a happy love relationship,” he stops. But this does not mean that he will be fine in a relationship with an unloved partner: it has its own problems and troubles that will have to be resolved. But even here the question arises: with whom would you like to solve problems, with a loved one or with an unloved person?
The “suitcase without a handle” relationship is the philosophy of a lazy person and a loser. As long as you are carrying around another person whom you simply don’t want to get rid of, neither he nor you will be happy. How to throw away an unnecessary “suitcase” and buy a new one? You should start with the desire that you are willing to spend time and effort searching for your loved one. At the same time, it is advisable to have in front of you an example of the happy family that you strive for. Thus, you can be sure that no matter how much time passes, you will be able to create the same happy family, but with your beloved partner.
At the same time, remember that the main thing is not how many partners you had, but whether you were able to make yourself and them happy while you were together. After all, what is important in a relationship is not the number of people, but the quality of the relationship with them and what kind of personalities they were and became next to you.
What are the reasons?
A man can keep a woman in a relationship for a long time, while making it clear that he will not constrain her with any obligations or hopes. He seems to see you, but returns to someone else. He doesn’t seem to have a serious relationship with you, but he gets jealous when another man appears in your life. What are the reasons for this behavior?
- Habit. Over time, a person gets used to everything: a man gets used to the comforts that he receives from a woman, and a lady gets used to a man who fools her. The partners have simply gotten used to each other. It is easier for them to be together than to look for new partners, try to please someone, and again create comfortable conditions for joint communication.
In this case, psychologists advise women not to humiliate themselves and not to drag their feet. If a man does not want to take responsibility, then you should be more reasonable. Understand that you are simply wasting time in such a relationship. All the same, sooner or later this union will cease to exist, you and the man will break up, since he has already taken a position where your relationship is not destined to exist (for example, he does not leave his wife, and a lot of time has passed since you started dating).
Don't waste your youth and beauty on a man who has already decided to stay with his wife. No matter what he tells you, when the time comes to leave you, he will do it (he will stay with his wife, not with you).
- Convenience for removing your complexes. If a man comes across a woman who forgives him a lot and doesn’t even ask him to leave her wife, then he can stay with her only out of convenience. He is comfortable that his mistress does not force him to take steps that he is not ready to take. At the same time, he may not love her, which is why he displays aggressive behavior, even raising his hand. If she puts up with everything, then he will allow himself to behave disrespectfully.
If we are talking about disrespect and, then psychologists insist that the “victims” immediately break off relations with such men. It doesn’t matter who we are talking about - a lover, a loved one, even a husband. If a man raises his hand or insults his woman, he is not worth wasting his time on. After all, weak people, who themselves have large complexes and shortcomings, descend to insults and violence, so they find victims on whom they will take out all their discontent.
- Owner. Men by nature are all owners. No matter how many women they have, they want them all to belong to them. This is a kind of “harem” that is officially forbidden to create, but men have found a way out: they first get married and then take mistresses. And for every woman, if they know about the presence of rivals, they “hang noodles on their ears.” As long as women believe, men take advantage of them. But when “the noodles stop sticking to your ears,” then the owners resign themselves to the inevitable separation and begin to look for new victims.
Let go or take the initiative?
A man is ready to be in “limbo” for the rest of his life if women allow him to behave this way. Often, relationships when a man fools several women at once or does not stop communicating with a lady to whom he does not want to propose marriage or build a serious relationship can last for years. The reason for this is not only men, but also women. After all, relationships are built by two people. If a woman is not satisfied with something, she is free to take the initiative into her own hands and break up with her gentleman. And if she doesn’t do this, then she acts the same as a man: “pulls the cat by the tail” and does not take responsibility.
A woman must understand the reasons why she continues an unpromising relationship. Often there is some benefit that a woman does not pay attention to. The benefit may be, according to psychologists who often encounter relationships where a man and a woman cannot say goodbye:
- Fear of serious relationships. A woman may just think that she wants to have something serious, but in fact she is satisfied that the man does not fetter or tie her down.
- Fear of commitment. A woman forgets that in a relationship with a man she acquires many obligations. If a woman is not ready to obey and please a man in some way, then it is convenient for her that she remains free with a frivolous gentleman.
Each case has its own benefit. Some ladies are simply afraid of loneliness. And then they agree to have relationships even with married men who will never leave their wives or leave their families.
If a woman gets tired of living in “limbo,” then she should take the initiative into her own hands. You can start with an open conversation about why he doesn't start a serious relationship with you, doesn't leave his wife, or doesn't break off contact with you. Then say that you intend to dot the i's. If a man is not ready to make a choice between all the women, then say goodbye to him, because you must understand that he does not love you.
Relationships are like a chess game. First, the rules of the game are established, and then the partners play it. If we are talking about a secret relationship, then the man often becomes the proactive party, while the woman takes a passive position - she either agrees to the courtship of the gentleman or refuses him. If a man has started a relationship, he often leads it. This suggests that the woman will give him the right to decide when to end this relationship and in what direction to develop.
If you are not satisfied with the relationship that a man offers you, then take matters into your own hands. Try to change the rules, force the man to have a different relationship with you. If you can’t get a man into your game, then maybe you just need to change your partner.
Time to put everything in its place
A man may hesitate for a long time to break up with a woman or make a choice between his wife and his mistress. Therefore, one of the women needs to put an end to it first. Is it worth waiting for a man who no longer gives his heart to you? Do you hope that it will become yours? This may happen, but after a while he will start walking again.
If a man is already dating one woman, then a similar fate may await the second. Therefore, if a man cannot decide to leave his wife, then it is better to leave him to her. Fate protects you from such a traitor, but you resist it.
The situation may develop in such a way that a lover calls his ex, but does not meet with her, does not renew the relationship. Here, most likely, he already has another mistress, and he keeps his ex in reserve.
If you don’t mind your time, then you can waste it on a man who will never be with you anyway. It is better to spend this time searching for a more worthy candidate who is worthy of love and your benefits, in particular patience.
Bottom line
Every woman wants to be loved. However, hopes and desires often play a cruel joke. Men take advantage of the fact that women are willing to endure and wait. Meanwhile, they meet with many young ladies to whom they only promise, but do not fulfill anything.
