Home Orthopedics Stanislav Lem “Star Diaries of Ijon the Quiet. S. Lem

Orthopedics

Stanislav Lem “Star Diaries of Ijon the Quiet. S. Lem

When I was about 15 years old, I adored Pirx. He is so broad-shouldered, proud, poor and honest, diligent and courageous. She personifies girlish nonsense quite adequately.

But Jon Quiet... Listen to the name! After all, the madhouse is crying for him. He is quiet, not violent - that is why he is not in isolation. Fool. He is repairing the rocket, leaning out of the hatch. He clamps one part with his feet, and holds the keys with his hands and turns the nut. He paints the rocket with a brush!!!

In general, “Invincible” and Pirx are our everything. At 15. And at 20 too. Not everything, but a lot.

I read “The Diaries” for the second time at 30. I came home from work after a long showdown with my partners about which of us, so cool and smart, was a real idiot. They knew the answer, and so did I. Only the answers didn’t match: confused:

I wandered around the room sadly. There is no strength to tear and throw. Everything is so gray, everything around - well, you know. And then this volume seemed to jump out of my hand from the shelf. Pocket format, not the best edition.

In general, I fell in love with Quiet at second sight. Brutal. To the point of insanity. So what, maybe he’s not young. Let him paint the rocket himself and in a strange color... Is this what the book is even about? Is any real parable built in rich settings? That's why it's a parable, to combine the strange primitivism of the surroundings and the depth of thought. Jon is not very simple. Maybe I still believe that he is quiet, that is, not violent... Where have you seen people who are perfectly mentally healthy? Doctors believe they are extinct. Or underexamined.

And generally speaking!!! (female argument) He does not reason and does not travel. He's dreaming. He's great.

He does not have a split personality - he is capable of existing in an unlimited number of copies, being his own mug and stealing his own lunch, personifying in one person our entire democracy in action.

He penetrates deeply into the essence of phenomena. He can direct the creation of the world no worse than God. He will have the courage and responsibility to admit mistakes and... boldly aggravate them.

Finally, he is not an idiot. He almost knows what sepulka is. He fights debris in space and looks at the root, denouncing Electricius himself.

:dont: I almost forgot. I came home, burning with righteous anger. After a couple of stories from Quiet, the anger disappeared. In the end, does it really matter which of us is right? Let's figure it out. At least we don’t cover half the map of the universe with paper...

Rating: 10

One of the most delusional adventures I have ever read (to be honest, I have never read more systematically delusional ones, I’m just making allowances for the future - maybe something else will fall into my hands, so to speak, more...). I thought maybe I wasn’t the same age anymore, but the stories are clearly not designed for children and still don’t look like a fairy tale (can be seen at least by the hero, who is clearly not a teenager, but a sedate, aged person, in a word - Quiet).

I became familiar with Lem’s work quite a long time ago through the works “Invincible”, “Solaris”... (maybe something else, I don’t remember). Therefore, I was quite surprised by the diaries. Previously, I probably would have abandoned such reading and used my free time with greater benefit/pleasure. Now the desire to form my own opinion and give ratings on Funtlab forced me to wade through the text, despite the drowsiness brought on by the diaries, periodically interspersing them with more interesting books.

During the reading process, some associations from what was read spontaneously came and went:

Steel Rat, Garison - designed for a teenage audience, reckless, purposeful adventures for the sake of adventure. No, not that.

Sheckley, numerous stories, especially Gregor and Arnold. - Not at all, despite the fact that Sheckley’s stories are also different - from almost brilliant to completely delusional - it’s still not the same. Absolutely not the same level.

I don’t even know what to compare it with. I'll have to read Adams again when the opportunity arises...

But even here, not without a glimmer, the first story (the seventh journey) amused me quite a bit and promised a pleasant continuation of reading, although towards the end it also slipped. So, alas... since I try to keep books in my home library that I can recommend to someone to read, this one will have to be placed somewhere else.

P.S.: I can explain the high ratings of other laboratory assistants only by the old school - science fiction, which was rarely seen in the Soviet Union, probably immediately fell into the category of interesting (there is nothing to compare it with) and elementary reflection: everyone likes it, but I’ll give it a two? (well, I just can’t imagine that the younger generation will remain captivated by these diaries, although maybe I’m wrong...)

Rating: 4

In my review of Cyberiad, I wrote that I probably won’t write a review for this cycle, because it’s about the same and about the same thing. But after re-reading the stories about the brave space explorer, I slightly changed my opinion.

Yes, the cycles are similar, but they still have some differences. The irony of the works about the Quiet came out even somehow darker and tied to the realities of the author’s time, or something. Humor in some places seems outdated, but let's just say that, unfortunately, this is not entirely true, because in many industries we are still full of ridiculous decrees and work for the sake of demonstrating their hectic activity, and not the real result. Although some of the author’s attacks have lost their relevance.

In general, “Yyon” is still not bad today, but it’s still not worth reading all the stories in one gulp, much less paired with the same “Cyberiad”. Because literally with your skin you begin to feel how the author’s disappointment in this world and its inhabitants is growing, and light teasing over certain phenomena smoothly flows into pessimistic sarcasm. And this makes me a little sad. After all, reducing everything to “we wanted the best, it turned out as always, so there’s no point in trying” is also not an option. Yes, our world is far from ideal, it is full of stupidities and absurdities, but we work with what we can. After all, unlike Quiet, we simply have nowhere to escape from it. We can't just board a rocket and fly off beyond the cosmic horizon, away from all the absurdities.

Rating: 8

Like some other commentators who became acquainted with this series only in adulthood, I was categorically dissatisfied with it. The deep meaning of the stories (where there is one) was probably original for the 60s, but now it is not of particular interest, and I simply did not understand the local humor. There is no place to laugh, in my opinion.

I’ll separately note the tone that I didn’t like. This is the tone of a tavern tale, well suited to the adventures of the good soldier Schweik, or, at least, to the heroes of another fantasy, but in science fiction stories it seemed inappropriate to me, causing dissonance.

Rating: 5

I read this wonderful work in my youth and re-read it much later. Incomparable humor, imagination, irony and self-irony are simply at their best. But not everyone is able to understand this work. In this way it resembles the film “Kin-dza-dza”, which is either admired or criticized. There is practically no middle ground.

Rating: 10

Lem's Star Diaries impressed me.

An interesting character, the modern Baron Munchausen, whose adventures can be perceived both as fiction or nonsense of Ijon the Quiet, and as real and rather strange events that took place in the starry prairies of the Milky Way

Basically, the volume of each journey is small, but these stories should not be assessed on the scale of the text, but for the master’s signature humor and irony, as well as for original fantastic ideas and their implementation. It was this principle that I adhered to when evaluating this cycle:

1 (8 points). The Seventh Voyage is not a bad thing, taking the idea of rings of time while simultaneously satirizing it; “The Last” is an interesting sketch about the problems associated with the development of the Internet and any global networks and their impact on a person’s everyday and intimate life.

2 (7 points). “18”, “20”, “25” and “28” - ideas of creating the Universe from the future, again the rings of time and the family history of the Quiet. I don’t know, of course I understand that the purpose of the cycle is, in principle, irony and obvious ridicule of science fiction, but there was little I personally liked here. Moreover, the repetition of one ridiculed idea and all this husk with the construction of a world from the present.

3 (6 points). “The Twenty-Sixth and the Last”, in my opinion, is the worst story from the chronicles about Yion, because, as Sapkowski was quoted in one commentary: “when the work turns to politics and its propaganda, it turns out to be an ass.” Well, maybe not entirely accurate...

4 (9 points). Finally, let's talk about good things. I’ll say right away that I personally would really like to make some of the “nines” “tens”, but it was difficult for me to decide on such a choice, so I left everything as is. In the “8”, “11”, “12”, “22”, “23”, “24” adventures we are bombarded with a sea of wonderful fantastic elements, in many ways simply unique and never encountered by me before. This is a wonderful irony about the attempts of earthlings to join the interstellar federation and their own origin, and a planet of robots with human intelligence and spies on it, and the history of a world whose development has become associated with a device that slows down or accelerates the flow of time and reverses it, and simply wonderful stories of Christian mission to aliens, and a wonderful way to deal with queues, plus a story about achieving true harmony.

5 (10 points). And finally, my three favorites, my favorite travels of Quiet with the most original SF ideas, wonderful plots and marked “must read”. This, of course, is the “Thirteenth...”, “Fourteenth...” and “Twenty-first...” adventures from the Star Diaries. In #13 we see Yion's search for a certain Master who has given the Galaxy some truly miraculous socio-technological inventions, including an astonishing method of achieving immortality. No. 14 will tell us about an alien world on which evolution was associated with regular asteroid bombings of these planets. Its fauna, intelligent race and technology are very well written and thought out. And finally No. 21. The largest story in this series in terms of lines and set of ideas. A strange and frightening development of an entire planet and civilization towards biotechnology and mind research, which took on simply repulsive forms for me. The direction of religious thought associated with this was worked out by Mr. Lem with a bang, and the ideas from this work are similar to the plans of posthumanists, whose implementation I, and I think, and others, would like to prevent.

That's all. In the end, I would like to say about the only drawback of this entire cyclical mass - the lack of a clear chronology and some ambiguities with the passage of time on Earth and the ship of Yion the Quiet. It seems that he does not have superluminal speeds, and entire centuries on Mother Earth somehow pass slowly. Although you shouldn’t find fault with such trifles. Just enjoy a good book.

Rating: 9

A completely unique cycle; I don’t know anything equal to it in terms of “humorous component” in science fiction literature. One hundred percent treatment for any form of blues and stress! And wonderful options for names and titles! (I don’t know what the degree of merit of the translators is here).

An absolute masterpiece! :appl::appl:

Rating: 10

The first work I read by Stanislaw Lem. The book was remembered for a long time. Adventures in space, worthy of Baron Munchausen, seem to have been written not by a Polish science fiction writer, but by someone else - the book is so different from the sad, lyrical “Solaris”, frightening with its dystopian paintings “Eden” and the mysterious “Invincible”. But from the very first lines Lemov’s style is recognizable. The author skillfully parodies everything: from scientific hypotheses to himself.

Read this book and you won't regret it.

Rating: 8

Lem writes simply incomparably! I haven’t read anything like this even from the Strugatskys and Bulychev. The time loop, the planet of robots, travel to the future, and dispersion into atoms are so cleverly used. And what is the Organization of the United Planets worth? And the initiation of aliens into Christianity!

By the way, Quiet did not seem to me such an outstanding character. An ordinary traveler, discoverer of worlds and adventurer. It will not be said as a reproach to Quiet, but he is a completely ordinary character. At the same time, “The Star Diaries of Iyon the Quiet” is an outstanding work. Such a discrepancy between the main character and the work.

Rating: 10

After reading some of the reviews, I began to understand why people like this series. But I myself cannot rate it highly. The humor in the book, in my opinion, is mostly absurd, and after reading the works of Douglas Adams it does not make the right impression at all. As someone else noted earlier, the book discusses a lot of deep ideas that I don't think belong there.

As for the eighth’s journey, a group of quiet psychoanalysts, before putting this volume into print, studied all the facts that took place in I. Tikhy’s dream. In Dr. Hopfstosser's work, the interested Reader will find a comparative bibliography of the subject, revealing the influence of the dreams of other celebrities, such as Isaac Newton and the Borgia family, on the dream visions of the Quiet and vice versa.

At the same time, this volume does not include the twenty-sixth journey, which in the end turned out to be apocryphal. This was proven by a group of employees of our Institute through electronic comparative analysis of texts. It is perhaps worth adding that I personally have long considered the so-called “Twenty-sixth Journey” to be apocryphal due to numerous inaccuracies in the text; this applies, in particular, to those places where we are talking about odolyugs (and not “odolengs”, as stated in the text), as well as about Meopser, muciochs and medlits (Phlegmus Invariabilis Hopfstosseri).

Recently, voices have been heard questioning the authorship of Quiet in relation to his “Diaries”. The press reported that Tikhy allegedly used someone’s help, or even did not exist at all, and his works were created by a certain device, the so-called “Lem”. According to the most extreme versions, "Lem" was even human. Meanwhile, anyone who is at least a little familiar with the history of space navigation knows that LEM is an abbreviation formed from the words LUNAR EXCURSION MODULE, that is, a lunar exploration module built in the USA as part of the Apollo project (the first landing on the Moon). Iyon Tikhiy does not need protection either as an author or as a traveler. Nevertheless, I take this opportunity to refute the ridiculous rumors. I will point out that the LEM was indeed equipped with a small cerebellum (electronic), but this device was used for very limited navigation purposes and would not be able to write a single meaningful phrase. Nothing is known about any other LEM. Both catalogs of large electronic machines (see, for example, the Nortronics catalog, New York, 1966-69) and the Great Space Encyclopedia (London, 1979) are silent about it. Therefore, speculations unworthy of serious scientists should not interfere with the painstaking work of Tychologists, who will still need a lot of effort to complete the many years of work on the publication of I. Tikhy’s OPERA OMNIA.

Professor A.S. TARANTOGA

Department of Comparative Astrozoology, Formalhaut University

for the Editorial Committee of the “Complete Works” of Iyon Tichy,

and

for the Academic Council of the Tychological Institute and the Editorial Team of the quarterly journal “Tikhiana”

Preface to the expanded edition

Wstęp do poszerzonego Wydania, 1971

With joy and excitement we offer the Reader a new edition of the works of Iyon the Quiet; here, along with the texts of three previously unknown journeys (the eighteenth, twentieth and twenty-first), there are most curious drawings made by the Author’s hand, and also contains the key to a number of mysteries over which the most prominent tychological experts struggled in vain.

As for the illustrations, the Author refused for a long time to put them at our disposal, claiming that he drew specimens of star-planetary creatures - in flagranti or from his home collection - only for himself and, moreover, in great haste, so that it was neither artistic nor documentary. These drawings have no value. But even if they are daubed (with which, however, not all experts agree), they are indispensable as visual aids when reading texts, sometimes very difficult and dark. This is the first reason for the satisfaction our team feels.

But in addition, the texts of new travels bring peace to the mind, yearning for a final answer to the eternal questions that a person asks himself and the world; here it is reported who and why exactly created the Cosmos, natural and universal history, reason, being and other equally important things. It turns out – what a pleasant surprise for the Reader! – the participation of our venerable Author in this creative activity was considerable, often even decisive. Therefore, the tenacity with which he, out of modesty, defended the desk drawer where these manuscripts were kept is understandable, and the satisfaction of those who eventually overcame the resistance of Quiet is no less understandable. Along the way, it becomes clear where the problems in numbering the star diaries came from. Only after studying this publication will the Reader understand why the First Voyage of I. Tikhoy not only never happened, but could not have happened; Having strained his attention, he will also realize that the journey called the twenty-first was at the same time the nineteenth. True, this is not easy to figure out, because the Author crossed out several dozen lines at the end of the specified document. Why? Again, because of his insurmountable modesty. Not having the right to break the seal of silence placed on my lips, I still decide to reveal this secret a little. Seeing what attempts to correct prehistory and history were leading to, I. Tikhy, as the Director of the Temporal Institute, did something because of which the discovery of the Theory of Movement in Time never took place. When, on his instructions, this discovery was closed, the Telechronic History Correction Program, the Temporal Institute and, alas, the director of the Institute, I. Tikhy, disappeared along with it. The bitterness of loss is partly softened by the fact that thanks to it we can no longer fear fatal surprises, at least from the past, and partly by the fact that the untimely deceased is still alive, although in no way resurrected. This fact, we admit, is amazing; The reader will find an explanation in the appropriate places of this publication, namely in the twentieth and twenty-first travels.

Iyon Quiet is an extremely brave and intelligent man. By his age, he has several orders of the milky and foggy way, is an honorary member of the society for the guardianship of the smallest planets of the solar system, as well as other charitable and scientific societies. Yion Quiet has long been famous for its passages through stellar galaxies, which has earned it honor and respect. He is also a skilled hunter of all sorts of meteors and comets that fly overhead every now and then. And while he is at home, he writes diaries in which he describes in detail all his travels and also encloses, for the interested reader, maps of all his routes. Most likely, hoping that someone will follow his example.

And how many adventures did not befall Iyon. For example, take his seventh voyage, where his ship fell into a time loop. Iyon’s body began to multiply right before his own eyes. Iyons began to appear in the past, present, and future. Monday, Tuesday and Friday Iyons appeared, as well as last year’s ones and those that will only appear in a year. Then a couple of boys, former Iyons, appear, and to his great joy, they set up the equipment in the space rocket. Iyon was able to continue his journey further. And when Iyon was on his fourteenth trip, he participated in a meeting of the UN General Assembly. But the UN is not like that on Earth, but the Organization of the United Planets of the Solar System. At the meeting, the most terrible acts that happened on the planet Zimya were considered. This word was used to designate planet Earth. Most of all those present were worried about the atomic explosions that often occur on this planet. Some members of the delegation spoke out for the opinion that the inhabitants of the Earth generally lack any kind of intelligence. During the meeting, issues of the entrance fee of the Earthlings were raised. The total number of votes was a figure of one billion platinum, all of which must be paid at a time to be determined later. The meeting was almost over and one of the aliens from the planet Cockroach began to hit Iyon on the head and he immediately woke up. It was a dream. Iyon is preparing to fly to the planet Enteropia. First, he picks up the Space Encyclopedia and tries to get some information about the planet and the creatures inhabiting it. The most common creatures on the planet are called ardrids. The animals are not particularly diverse, but the encyclopedia mentions octopias and curdles. But even after reading the encyclopedia to the very end, Iyon still cannot understand who the Sepulki are?! In order for Iyon to have fun during his long flight, he puts a battery on the nose of the rocket, charged with a myriad of jokes for as long as 5 years.

After a long flight, Iyon finally arrives at Entropy. There he is met by one of the cosmodrome workers. Moreover, this worker looks very strange, namely, he is green. As it turned out later, the green color of the body when meeting someone is a sign of respect and a smile. That is, in fact, the worker greeted our Iyon this way. After the act of greeting, our traveler was directed to a special workshop. There they examined him and warned him that if something happened to him, he could safely count on help. After which, Iyon left the master and went to the city. The buildings along which Iyon passes shimmer with all colors. Passers-by also shimmer and constantly talk about some kind of sepulka. Even before the flight, Iyon tried to figure out what it was. But I never fully figured it out. Quiet approached several times to some of the inhabitants of the planet and asked them how they could buy sepulka for themselves? To which the alien creatures blushed, turned black, turned yellow, in a word, they were embarrassed by such a question and told him in response that without a wife there was no way to acquire sepulka. Iyon was pretty tired of asking who the Sepulki were, so he decided to hunt the Kurdli. He approached the instructor and asked him how best to catch the Kurdli, to which he answered him that due to frequent meteor showers, the Kurdli had grown an impenetrable shell for themselves, and therefore all the inhabitants of the planet were hunting for them from the inside. To do this, Tichy smeared himself with sauce, pepper, ketchup and all sorts of aromatic seasonings, squeezed the bomb in his hands and began to wait. As soon as the Kurdl swallows the hunter, you need to set the clock mechanism inside it and blow up the Kurdl. But unfortunately, there was already a second hunter inside the Kurdl, who was busy setting up the bomb. Quiet at first decided to leave peacefully, but he noticed him and wanted to give him the right to blow up the Kurdl. They argued for a long time, time was running out, but in the end the Kurdl was blown up and Quiet got an excellent trophy, which he would take with him beyond the Earth on his rocket.

All subsequent days passed in a more cultural atmosphere. Quiet has visited almost all exhibitions, museums, conferences and official speeches of popular creatures of this planet. One morning, Tikhoy was awakened by a loud noise on the street. He jumped out of bed and quickly ran to the glass. It turned out that the smear had simply begun. Smeg is a seasonal fall of meteorites onto the surface of the planet. Usually such a phenomenon here lasts about two months. But Quiet remembered the master’s words that there was nothing to be afraid of anyway. Everyone on the planet has their own reserve. Quiet did not fully understand that he could be a reserve until he saw a hefty-sized meteorite fall on the roof of a local theater. He flew at such speed that almost the entire theater was destroyed by the impact. Suddenly, out of nowhere, some creatures in suits run up to the building, drag a pipe to the dilapidated wall of the theater, and from this pipe some strange composition like resin began to be pumped into the theater. A bubble began to inflate and suddenly it took on the exact outline of a museum. Only it was not yet as solid as the museum and therefore the wind blazed slightly back and forth. Now left, now right. Quiet entered the hall and sat down in his place. It seemed somewhat soft and hot to him. Apparently it was the work of the house blowers. Suddenly, black boxes with sepulchres began to be carried past him straight to the heroes. But even here he was unable to find out what they really meant. He lost consciousness, and when he woke up, the alien lady sitting next to him told him that he had been killed to death by a passing meteorite. And we had to call in a reserve to bring him back to life. Quiet finally got scared and ran to the hotel. Standing in front of the mirror, he examined himself very clearly, but everything seemed to be in place. Only the shirt was worn backwards and several buttons were missing. While he was looking at himself in the mirror, the phone rang. He picked up the phone and heard the voice of Zazul, a local scientist who wants to meet him in the professor’s house. Quiet quickly got ready and went to him. On his way to the professor, he met an alien with a covered cart. They decide to go together. A few meters short of the professor’s house, a terrible picture opens before Tikhim. The scientist's house burned down from a meteorite, and the scientist himself apparently died. But the home blower team hasn’t arrived yet. The alien asks to open the gate for him. Quiet opens them, and through a gap in the cart he sees a huge living eye that speaks in an senile voice. Quiet runs to the cosmodrome and flies away from Enteropia. Iyon hopes that Mr. Zazul will not be offended by him.

A brief summary of the novel “Star Diaries of Iyon the Quiet” was retold by OsipovaA. WITH.

Please note that this is only a brief summary of the literary work “The Star Diaries of Iyon the Quiet.” This summary omits many important points and quotes.

Iyon Tikhy - “famous explorer, captain of long-distance galactic voyages, hunter of meteors and comets, tireless explorer who discovered eighty thousand and three worlds, honorary doctor of the Universities of the Both Bears, member of the Society for the Guardianship of Minor Planets and many other societies, Knight of the Milky and Nebula Orders " - author of eighty-seven volumes of diaries (with maps of all travels and applications).

The space travels of Iyon the Quiet are replete with incredible adventures. So, on the seventh journey, he finds himself in a time loop and multiplies before his eyes, meeting with himself Monday, Thursday, Sunday, Friday, last year and others - from the past and future. Two boys save the situation (which Quiet was so long ago!) - they correct the power regulator and repair the steering wheel, and peace reigns in the rocket again. On the fourteenth journey, Quiet has to justify the actions of the inhabitants of Zimya (that is the name of the planet Earth) before the General Assembly of the Organization of the United Planets. He fails to present in a favorable light the achievements of earthly science, in particular atomic explosions. Some delegates generally doubt the intelligence of the inhabitants of the Earth, and some even deny the possibility of life existing on the planet. The question also arises about the entrance fee of earthlings, which should amount to a billion tons of platinum. At the end of the meeting, an alien from Tarrakania, who is very sympathetic to the inhabitants of the Earth, trying to demonstrate how well the representative of earthlings Iyon Tikhy has been worked out by evolution, begins to hit him on the top of the head with his huge suction cup... And Tikhy wakes up in horror. The fourteenth journey brings Quiet to Enteropia. Getting ready to fly. Quiet is studying an article about this planet in a volume of the Space Encyclopedia. He learns that the dominant race on it is “the Ardrites, intelligent multi-transparent, symmetrical, unpaired-processed creatures.” Among the animals, curdles and octopuses are especially noted. After reading the article, Tikhy remains in the dark about what “smet” is and what “sepulki” are. At the suggestion of the head of the repair shop, Iyon Tikhiy risks putting a brain on his rocket “with a battery of jokes for five years.” Indeed, at first Quiet listens with pleasure, then something happens to his brain: while telling jokes, he swallows the very salt, begins to speak syllable by syllable, and the whole trouble is that it is impossible to shut him up - the switch is broken.

The Quiet One arrives on Enteropia. A spaceport employee, transparent as crystal, Ardrith, looks at him, turns green (“Ardrites express feelings by changing colors; green corresponds to our smile”) and, having asked the necessary questions (“Are you a vertebrate? A lungfish?”), directs the new arrival to the “reserve workshop “, where the technician takes some measurements and says a mysterious phrase in parting: “If anything happens to you during the shift, you can be completely calm... we will immediately deliver the reserve.” Quiet does not quite understand what is being said, but does not ask questions - many years of wandering have taught him restraint.

Once in the city, Tikhiy enjoys the rare view of the central districts at dusk. Ardrites do not know artificial lighting, because they glow themselves. Buildings sparkle and flare up with residents returning home, parishioners beam in ecstasy in churches, children shimmer rainbowly on the staircases. In the conversations of passers-by, Tikhy hears the familiar word “sepulki” and finally tries to figure out what it could mean. But no matter who among the Ardrites he asks where he can buy sepulka, the question every time causes them bewilderment (“How will you take her without a wife?”), embarrassment and anger, which is immediately expressed by their coloring. Having given up the idea of finding out anything about the Sepulks, Quiet is going to hunt the Kurdles. The guide gives him instructions. They are clearly necessary, since the animal, in the process of evolution, adapted to meteorite fallout by growing an impenetrable shell, and therefore “the curdl is hunted from the inside.” To do this, you need to smear yourself with a special paste and “season” yourself with mushroom sauce, onions and peppers, sit down and wait (grabbing the bomb with both hands) until the curdle swallows the bait. Once inside the curdl, the hunter adjusts the bomb's clock mechanism and, using the cleansing effect of the paste, leaves as quickly as possible "in the direction opposite to where he came from." When leaving the Kurdla, you should try to fall on both hands and feet so as not to hurt yourself. The hunt goes well, Kurdle takes the bait, but in the insides of the beast, Quiet finds another hunter - Ardrith, who is already adjusting the clock mechanism. Each is trying to give up the right to hunt to the other, wasting precious time. The host's hospitality wins, and both hunters soon leave the Kurdl. A monstrous explosion is heard - Iyon Tikhiy receives another hunting trophy - they promise to make a stuffed animal and send it to Earth with a cargo rocket.

For several days, Quiet is busy with a cultural program - museums, exhibitions, visits, official receptions, speeches. One morning he wakes up from a terrible roar. It turns out that this is smeg, a seasonal meteor shower that falls on the planet every ten months. No shelter can provide protection from smeg, but there is no reason to worry, since everyone has a reserve. Tikhoy fails to find out anything about the reserve, but it soon becomes clear what it is. Heading to an evening performance at the theater, he witnesses a direct hit by a meteorite on the theater building. Immediately a large tank rolls in, from which some kind of resin-like mess flows out, the Ardrite repairmen begin to pump air into it through the pipes, the bubble grows with dizzying speed and in a minute becomes an exact copy of the theater building, only still very soft, swaying with gusts of wind. After another five minutes, the building solidifies and spectators fill it. Sitting down, Quiet notices that it is still warm, but this is the only evidence of the recent catastrophe. As the play progresses, the heroes are brought sepulki in a huge box, but this time Iyon the Quiet is not destined to find out what it is. He feels the blow and faints. When Quiet comes to his senses, there are completely different characters on the stage and there is no talk of sepulks. An Ardritic woman sitting next to him explains that he was killed by a meteorite, but a reserve was brought from the astronautical agency. Quiet immediately returns to the hotel and carefully examines himself to ensure his own identity. At first glance, everything is in order, but the shirt is worn inside out, the buttons are fastened haphazardly, and there are pieces of packaging in the pockets. Quiet's research is interrupted by a phone call: Professor Zazul, a prominent Ardritan scientist, wants to meet with him. Quiet goes to see a professor living in the suburbs. On the way, he catches up with an elderly Ardrith, carrying in front of him “something like a covered cart.” They continue on their way together. Approaching the fence. Quiet sees clouds of smoke on the site of the professor's house. His companion explains that the meteorite fell a quarter of an hour ago, and the house blowers will arrive now - they are not in too much of a hurry outside the city. He himself asks Quiet to open the gate for him and begins to lift the lid of the cart. Through a hole in the packaging of a large package, Quiet sees with a living eye. A creaky old voice is heard, inviting Quiet to wait in the gazebo. But he rushes headlong to the cosmodrome and leaves Enteropia, nurturing in his soul the hope that Professor Zazul is not offended by him.

Stanislav Lem

Star Diaries of Iyon the Quiet

Preface

The description of the virtues of Iyon the Quiet, whose name is known in both parts of the Milky Way, is not the intention of the publisher. We present to the Reader's attention selected excerpts from the “Star Diaries” of Iyon the Quiet. The famous explorer, captain of long-distance galactic voyages, hunter of meteors and comets, tireless explorer who discovered eighty thousand and three worlds, honorary doctor of the Universities of the Both Bears, member of the Society for the Guardianship of Minor Planets and many other societies, Knight of the Milky and Nebula Orders Iyon the Quiet will introduce himself to the reader in these “Diaries”, placing him on a par with such intrepid men of antiquity as Carl Friedrich Hieronymus Munchausen, Pavel Masloboynikov, Lemuel Gulliver or Master Alcofribas.

The set of "Diaries", numbering eighty-seven volumes in quarto, with maps of all voyages and appendices (stellar dictionary and box of specimens), is being processed by a group of astrogator and planetary scientists; Due to the enormous amount of work required, they will not be released soon. Believing that it would be inappropriate to hide the great discoveries of Iyon the Quiet from the broadest layers of Readers, the publisher selected small excerpts from the Diaries and released them in raw form, without footnotes, notes, comments and a dictionary of cosmic expressions.

No one helped me in preparing the Diaries for publication; I do not list those who interfered with me, as this would take up too much space.

ASTRAL STERN TARANTOGA,

Professor of Space Zoology at Fomalhaut University

Fomalhaut, 18 VI. Cosmic Pulsation

Introduction to the III edition

This edition of the works of Iyon the Quiet, while neither complete nor critically verified, is still a step forward compared to the previous ones. It was possible to supplement it with the texts of two previously unknown journeys - the eighth and the twenty-eighth. This last contains new details of the biography of Tikhy and his ancestors, interesting not only for the historian, but also for the physicist, since they imply the dependence (which I have long suspected) of the degree of family relationship on speed.

Professor A.S. TARANTOGA

Department of Comparative Astrozoology, Formalhaut University

for the Editorial Committee of the “Complete Works” of Iyon Tichy,

and

for the Academic Council of the Tychological Institute and the Editorial Team of the quarterly journal “Tikhiana”

Preface to the expanded edition

But in addition, the texts of new travels bring peace to the mind, yearning for a final answer to the eternal questions that a person asks himself and the world; here it is reported who and why exactly created the Cosmos, natural and universal history, reason, being and other equally important things. It turns out - what a pleasant surprise for the Reader! - the participation of our venerable Author in this creative activity was considerable, often even decisive. Therefore, the tenacity with which he, out of modesty, defended the desk drawer where these manuscripts were kept is understandable, and the satisfaction of those who eventually overcame the resistance of Quiet is no less understandable. Along the way, it becomes clear where the problems in numbering the star diaries came from. Only after studying this publication will the Reader understand why the First Voyage of I. Tikhoy not only never happened, but could not have happened; Having strained his attention, he will also realize that the journey called the twenty-first was at the same time the nineteenth. True, this is not easy to figure out, because the Author crossed out several dozen lines at the end of the specified document. Why? Again, because of his insurmountable modesty. Not having the right to break the seal of silence placed on my lips, I still decide to reveal this secret a little. Seeing what attempts to correct prehistory and history were leading to, I. Tikhy, as the Director of the Temporal Institute, did something because of which the discovery of the Theory of Movement in Time never took place. When, on his instructions, this discovery was closed, the Telechronic History Correction Program, the Temporal Institute and, alas, the director of the Institute, I. Tikhy, disappeared along with it. The bitterness of loss is partly softened by the fact that thanks to it we can no longer fear fatal surprises, at least from the past, and partly by the fact that the untimely deceased is still alive, although in no way resurrected. This fact, we admit, is amazing; The reader will find an explanation in the appropriate places of this publication, namely in the twentieth and twenty-first travels.