How to spend Parents' Day correctly? Traditions and subtleties. How to spend a memorial day correctly - Radonitsa

What should you never do on Parents' Day and how to properly remember the deceased?

The catechist of the Resurrection Cathedral in Semey, Vitaly Aleksandrovich Yavkin, talks about this and much more.

On Easter, many people visit the cemetery where the graves of their loved ones are located. Unfortunately, in some families there is a blasphemous custom of drinking alcohol on this day. But even those who do not do this often do not know how exactly one can and should correctly remember the dead. And even more so, not many people know why parent’s day is called Radonitsa and is celebrated precisely on the 9th day after Easter.

On Tuesday of the second week of Easter, which is called St. Thomas Week, the Orthodox Church celebrates Radonitsa - the day of special remembrance of the dead, the first after Easter. This is an ancient Christian holiday, which John Chrysostom mentioned at the beginning of the fourth century.

On Radonitsa it was customary, and this continues to this day, for families to go to cemeteries, to the graves of their loved ones and relatives, to mourn them, experiencing their loss once again, to remember them, listing their good deeds that the deceased performed during their earthly life, remember the good ones distinctive features their character, as if talking to the departed, believing that they hear us on this day. Etymologically, the word “Radonitsa” goes back to the words “genus” and “joy”, moreover, Radonitsa has a special place in the annual circle church holidays- immediately after Easter Week.

Radonitsa, as it were, obliges Christians not to delve into worries about the death of loved ones, but, on the contrary, to rejoice at their birth into another life - eternal life. The victory over death won by the life and resurrection of Christ displaces the sadness of temporary separation from relatives.

As for the 9th day after Easter, this is simply a matter of the Church Charter. Usually, after the Easter holidays, on the first weekday during which we can serve a memorial service, Radonitsa falls. Throughout Bright Week (week) we rejoice at the Resurrection of the Savior, and only on Tuesday of the second week should we remember our dear departed. First of all, come to Church, order memorial services, pray for the salvation of their souls, and only then go decorate the graves of loved ones.

Is it possible to often mourn the dead and often visit their graves? Or is it better to believe that they are already in the Kingdom of God, which means they are better off than we are, and there is no need to bother them and torment ourselves?

And again I will answer that we need not to kill ourselves and cry, but to pray for our dead. You can remember them both in the temple and good deeds in memory of them. But keep in mind, we do not know where the person dear to us ended up after death: in the Kingdom of God or in hell. This is why we do good deeds, so that the Lord will take him to himself.

As for tears, there is a sin called “self-eating,” when a person grieves more than necessary, thinks how much he did not give to the deceased, how much he could have done for him, but did not have time or did not consider it necessary. A person must be valued, respected and protected during his lifetime, so that after death he does not have to ask for forgiveness at his grave. After death, it is no longer possible to make up for lost time.

What is better and more correct on parent’s day: light a candle in the temple for the repose of the deceased, remember them in your soul kind words, or gather family and friends at home and remember those who have passed on to another world with a dinner with alcohol? And in general, how does the Orthodox Church feel about the presence of alcoholic beverages on the table, both on parent’s day and on the day of the funeral itself?

Alcoholic drinks at funeral dinners are strictly prohibited by the Church. By commemorating deceased loved ones with alcohol, we desecrate their memory and do not honor it. They only expect prayers from us, not sumptuous dinners. We must pray for those who are no longer around. This is done because death very often comes suddenly, and a person simply does not have time to prepare for it, reconcile with God, and repent of all his sins. If at the wake we limit ourselves to just arranging the table (as often happens), spend all our energy on this, and forget about the church commemoration, then we will not bring any benefit to the soul of the deceased.

How does the Orthodox Church relate to the custom of eating in a cemetery after people have cleaned up the graveyard? Is it necessary to leave a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the grave “for the deceased”?

We can remember deceased loved ones in the cemetery, but this must be done according to the rules. Having repaired the grave after winter, we have the right to arrange a memorial dinner in the cemetery. But it must begin with a prayer for the deceased. After the meal, you need to read the prayer again.

Once again I emphasize that alcohol is unacceptable. You should also not leave alcohol or food at the grave. This is a pagan echo, when it was customary to organize not only feasts and dances in cemeteries, but also entire gladiator fights. Food also attracts crowds of drunkards to the graves, who rummage through every wreath in search of alcohol and cigarettes, followed by flocks of stray animals. Both of them trample the graves of people dear to us, and dogs even lie on the tombstones. After all, during our lifetime, none of us would allow a dirty stray dog ​​to lie next to his mother, father or brother. Food also attracts flies and worms to the grave. You cannot stick cigarettes into a grave and light them just because the deceased liked to smoke. I repeat, he only needs our prayers.

But not only people who have drunk themselves go to cemeteries on Parents' Day in search of vodka and food, but also children - in the hope of finding candy, cookies or gingerbread on the grave that their drunken parents will never buy for them. Can't we leave food for them?

These children are sent to the cemetery by degenerate parents. And each such child is looking not only for candy for himself, but also for a scale for mom or dad. They all know that our church has a free refectory where people of any religion can come any day of the week and eat. But neither these children nor their parents come to us, because there is only one rule: you must come to the refectory sober and clean. For the most part, such people are drunk, dirty, and foul-mouthed. They behave unworthily, just like those people who stand collecting alms near the temple gates. Many parishioners, out of ignorance, give them this alms, which is strictly prohibited. After all, they take this money exclusively for alcohol.

Yes, we must give alms, do good deeds, feed and clothe the needy, but we must do this wisely. If we see that a person is really in need, or even better, if we know this person, we are obliged to help him. But if we see a hungry tramp sitting, then we don’t need to give him money, it’s better to buy him food. For he, having drunk away the money you gave him, will turn your good deed into evil.

Where did the custom of decorating the graves of loved ones with flowers and wreaths and marking the burial place by erecting a hill and a cross above it come from?

The Church has a negative attitude towards decorating graves with flowers and wreaths. This custom came to us at the end of the 19th century from Europe, where they began to decorate graves with flowers and wreaths. At that time, merchants bought out entire botanical gardens, and also created parks on the graves of their ancestors. Even the great Saint John of Kronstadt said that if you have extra money that you want to spend, it is better to distribute it to those in need. Take it to Orphanage, a nursing home, where it hurts, is hungry and difficult.

You cannot decorate graves with artificial flowers, this is a deception before God. Even the Church is decorated only with fresh flowers during major holidays. Fake flowers are not a real sacrifice. If you want to decorate the grave, do it with fresh flowers. But provided that these are flowers from your garden. If they are purchased, then you don’t need them either. Better give this money to truly needy people. Your deceased loved one needs good deeds in memory of him, and not a pointless waste of money or a bouquet. We carry these flowers to calm our own souls; the dead only need our prayers. The number of colors (even or odd) does not matter. It's just superstition.

Wreaths are also not needed. This is not our custom. He was condemned by the holy fathers. According to all the rules, an Orthodox grave should be arranged like this: you need simple easy a fence so that the grave is not trampled by animals or people if the mound is erased from the face of the earth. The hill signifies the position of the deceased's body. The cross means that an Orthodox Christian is buried here. During our lifetime, we designate ourselves as Orthodox with a cross on our body. After death - a cross on the grave. Planted in the ground and rising towards the sky, it signifies the faith of Christians that the body of the deceased is here in the earth, and the soul is in heaven, that under the cross is hidden a seed that grows for eternal life in the Kingdom of God. The cross must be wooden.

But it is not durable. Marble slabs look much more beautiful and richer... Let those around you see that a person from a wealthy family is buried here, for whom no expense was spared even after death, that is, they installed an expensive stone monument, and not a cheap wooden cross.

A cross that has rotted and fallen in due time is buried on the grave, then a new one is placed. Stone slabs and steles are absolutely not needed. From a moral point of view, the Church condemns such “eternal” monuments. Because they survive the relatives of the deceased. The cemetery may remain abandoned. It is destroyed by looters, and then the sidewalks are paved with these gravestones. They walk on them, spit, and put out cigarette butts. As a living example, I can cite the cemetery that used to be located where the Spartak stadium is now located. Before the revolution, it was a burial place for Christians. In the early 60s it was destroyed, and the gravestones were stolen throughout the city. It got to the point that sidewalks were paved with them. Many of these slabs are coated with paint and covered with cement. They were sidewalks, they were trampled underfoot. If you want people to walk around in the name of your mother, father, brother and spit on their names, put up a slab like this. The Church does not prohibit it. But this is wrong and not good...People still dig up these slabs and bring them to us at the Resurrection Cathedral, where we keep them.

People often put dentures, glasses, coins in the coffin of the deceased to buy a place in Heaven, even Cell phones. In other words, they bury with the person everything that he often used during his lifetime. Is it correct?

When burying our loved ones, we should not put anything in the coffin other than what is required. And this is a veil, a pectoral cross, a halo on the forehead. If you don't know what to put, you need to ask the church. There should be no foreign objects in the coffin. All of them are an echo of paganism, when they buried in boats, dumping entire herds of slaughtered cattle there... Regarding glasses, then, if the deceased had eight pairs of glasses throughout his life, what, do you order all eight to be put in? Of course not. It's too much. To meet God you do not need glasses or dentures.

Not long ago, one of our priests was invited to the funeral service for a deceased person who passed away young. And what was the priest’s surprise when he saw that a cigarette had been inserted into the deceased’s teeth, and it was smoking! When the priest asked what was going on, the relatives of the deceased replied that during his lifetime he was very fond of smoking. And this is his last cigarette, because after the funeral service he will be interred. The priest refused the funeral service and explained to the relatives of the deceased that their actions were blasphemy and a mockery of the corpse, which he did not want to join.

What should we do when the deceased come to us in a dream and ask for something (a belt, socks, cigarettes, glasses)? What is more correct in this case: go to the cemetery and leave this thing on the grave, or light a candle for the repose in the church loved one and pray for him?

This happens quite often, if people do not remember the deceased, do not light candles in the church, do not order magpie, if they do not even have time to pray for him. It is not the dead person who comes into our dreams. Our deceased relative is either in heaven or hell. And they don’t come from there. A guardian angel sent by the Lord comes into our dreams. And this angel takes the image of our departed mothers, fathers, in a word, those who had authoritative significance for us. If we do not listen to them, we will not listen to anyone, even if the Lord himself comes to us.

Asking for things should not be taken literally. The deceased does not ask for a belt, watch or glasses, but for prayer or good deeds in memory of him. After such dreams, you need to order a magpie in the church and light a funeral candle. After visiting the temple, you can light a candle in front of the icon at home and pray for those who are no longer with us.

If possible, buy the item that the deceased asks for and give it to those in need. You cannot bury anything on the grave. The burial site is not a garbage dump. This place is holy. It's like a temple. You won’t bury anything on the territory of the Church, will you? You cannot do this at the grave of a once dearly loved or respected person.

The deceased's belongings should be distributed to those in need after his funeral. I would also like to remind you that older people who already feel the arrival own death, you need to have time to divide all your property between your heirs during your lifetime, you need to give them instructions on how to live further. The idea that if a person has given everything away, it means he will soon die is a superstition. It cannot be allowed that after the death of a person, when his body has not yet cooled down, a war arises between the heirs over who will get more and who will get less valuable property of the deceased, the soul of the deceased, looking at this, will grieve. All your material issues need to be resolved here and now, that is, during your lifetime.

- Is it possible to light a funeral candle in a church if you don’t know for sure whether the deceased person was baptized or not?

You can light candles. However, you cannot order memorial services and magpies. You also cannot pray for him with church prayer. You can only pray in your own words: Lord forgive all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, if this is possible.

- How often should the deceased be remembered?

It is very important to remember the deceased on the day of his death, on the 9th and 40th day, at six months and on the anniversary after death, as well as on the day of his earthly birth, on the day of remembrance of the saint whose name he bore, and on parental days . According to church tradition, for forty days after death the soul of the deceased prepares for God's judgment. From the first to the third day she stays in the places of the earthly life of the deceased, from the third to the ninth she is shown the heavenly abodes, from the ninth to the fortieth - the torment of sinners in hell. On the fortieth day, God’s decision is made where the soul of the deceased will be until the Last Judgment - when souls will again unite with transformed bodies, and the endless life of all humanity will begin in a new, transformed world, where everyone will take their place according to the passage of earthly life and largely depending from the Church’s prayers for him after his death. Therefore, the Church established special commemoration of the dead on the third, ninth and fortieth days. And, of course, we need to remember the deceased every time we visit church. You need to go here as often as possible. This is important both for us, the living, and for those who have already died and for whom we pray.

- How does the Orthodox Church relate to cremation?

The method of burial through cremation of the body, quite popular now in big cities, is completely non-Orthodox. It cannot be acceptable to a believer.

thanks for educational conversation. Everything you said can only be learned in the Church, which, alas, there is not always time to visit. What are your wishes to the family members?

Remember, the goal of every Christian’s life is the salvation of the soul. That is, inheritance after bodily death and the Second Coming of Christ of eternal blissful sojourn with God. And the more good deeds we do, the more sincere prayers we address to God, the more grace we will receive from him. Love your loved ones during life, here and now. Then, after death, it will be too late. And it is better to speak words of love to living parents today than to cry at their grave tomorrow.

The conversation was conducted by Elena FOMENKO

Visiting a cemetery comes with some traditions and superstitions. It is believed that this land belongs to the dead, and they have their own laws that must be observed by the living. How to behave in a cemetery? What can you do and what is strictly prohibited?

Visiting the graves

Visiting the graves of relatives, friends, acquaintances is a tradition that exists in every religion. But the rules for visiting the deceased may vary. According to Orthodox belief, a cemetery is a sacred place. The cross on the grave of the deceased is located at the feet, and the image of the crucifixion on it is facing the face of the deceased.

Draws the attention of Christians to the fact that living relatives monitor the graves of their deceased loved ones. The fence and cross must be painted on time. The well-groomed grave and fresh flowers on it symbolize the memory of the deceased.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave cookies and sweets at the grave of the deceased? Orthodox traditions of visiting a cemetery have strict restrictions in this regard.

Orthodox customs of visiting a cemetery

Prayers are read at will. However, there are special prayers for the deceased:

• About a deceased Christian.
• Widower's prayer.
• Widow's prayer.
• About deceased children.
• Prayer for deceased parents.
• Akathist about the one who died.
• Akathist about the repose of the dead.

Priests warn that it is forbidden to drink alcohol at the graves of Orthodox Christians. Visiting a cemetery is not a fun holiday.

Under no circumstances should you pour alcohol or sprinkle crumbs on it. Such actions insult the deceased. It’s better to clean up the grave and remain silent, remembering the deceased. It is prohibited to bring artificial flowers. But you can plant fresh flowers or other plants - they are a symbol of eternal life.

Parents' days

Parents' days - this is what Ecumenical days are called. On these days, it is customary to come to the cemetery and visit the graves of deceased relatives. There are no specific dates of the month on which Parents' Saturdays fall. This is due to the fact that the Lenten-Easter cycle is a transitional one.

• Parents' Saturdays. These are Saturdays in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th week of Lent.
• Trinity Parents' Saturday. This is the day before the holiday
• Meat Saturday. Its time is 8 days before Lent.
• This is the Saturday before November 8th. On this day, killed soldiers are remembered.

In addition to Parental Saturdays, there are other days of remembrance:

• Radonitsa. This is Tuesday of the 2nd week after Easter.
• warriors - May 9.

How to behave in a cemetery?

When visiting a cemetery, you should behave respectfully towards the deceased. Emotional excesses will not lead to good. It is prohibited to talk loudly, sing, shout, have fun, or cry. You cannot walk on burial mounds - there are special paths and paths for this.

There are water pumps, wells or taps on the cemetery grounds. It is intended only for cleaning graves. It is prohibited to use cemetery water for drinking. Drinking water must be brought from home or purchased on the way.

How to behave in a cemetery? Is it possible to leave the deceased’s belongings at the grave? The deceased's favorite cup, watch or other items that he liked can be left at the grave.

You cannot take foreign objects home from a cemetery or grave. They are saturated with “dead” energy. If any thing is taken from the grave, it should be replaced with another. For example, a flower vase breaks - you need to put a new one.

Wipe the monument or fence from dirt and dust only with unnecessary rags. After use, it is thrown into special garbage containers on the territory of the cemetery. Under no circumstances should you use the things of the living to tidy up the grave.

Restrictions on visiting the cemetery

How to behave correctly at a cemetery on Parents' Day? Who can come to the grave? Cemeteries have long been used by dark sorcerers to perform rituals or collect necessary ingredients. The priests assure that a true believer cannot be affected by magical powers.

• pregnant women;
• nursing mothers;
• women with a small (or infant) child.

Pregnant or recently given birth women, children under 7 years of age are sensitive to negative energy. Therefore, it is better for them to avoid the cemetery area. According to legend, a magician can use a special ritual to exchange the life of a seriously ill person for the life small child or an unborn baby.

How to behave at a funeral?

The funeral of an Orthodox Christian begins with a funeral service in his home or church. For this ceremony, women traditionally cover their heads with a headscarf. Wear a dress (skirt) to the knees or below. T-shirts, shorts, and any frivolous clothing are prohibited. For men - a formal suit or trousers with a shirt (sweater).

How to behave at a funeral in a cemetery? During a funeral, some relatives stay home to prepare the funeral dinner. Attendance at a funeral is voluntary. If there is no desire or bad feeling- You don’t have to go to the cemetery.

During a funeral, strong emotions should also be avoided - loud crying and inappropriate actions leave a painful impression. During a funeral, relatives walk behind the coffin. Blood relatives do not wash the floor in the house of the deceased - it is better to do this to good friends and colleagues.

At the cemetery, after saying goodbye, they kiss the crown on the forehead and hand of the deceased. The icon and fresh flowers should be taken from the coffin. Then the face of the deceased is covered with a shroud and the coffin is closed. The towels on which the coffin was lowered into the ground remain in the grave. The men who carried the deceased are given new towels as a souvenir. Women are given new handkerchiefs. After the cemetery, the relatives invite everyone to a funeral dinner.

You can invite a priest to an Orthodox funeral. Burying with music is not Christian.

The Holy Fathers warn that on Parents' Day you should not cry and kill yourself. Prayers, almsgiving, ordering a memorial service - this is how Orthodox Christians remember the dead. You should arrive at the cemetery on Parents' Saturdays in the morning.

How to behave at the cemetery on Parents' Day? The Orthodox Church allows a funeral dinner at the cemetery. Before and after a meal you should read a prayer. As already mentioned, it is prohibited to drink alcohol in the cemetery.

If there is food left over from a funeral dinner, you cannot leave it at the grave of the “dead.” It is better to give it to the poor, asking them to remember the deceased in their prayers.

The words “genus” and “joy” became the basis for the name “radonitsa”. How to behave at the cemetery in Radonitsa? Since ancient times, it has been customary for the whole family to come to the cemetery on this day. Walk around the graves of your deceased relatives, remember their good deeds and deeds.

Appearance

Having figured out how to behave in a cemetery, you should think about the right clothes for visiting it. Usually the color scheme is dark and dim. No cheerful flowers or frivolous polka dots. Strict, comfortable clothes for the weather, without shorts or minis. Legs and arms should be covered as much as possible.

In shoes you should adhere to the same principle. Closed shoes in muted tones are ideal for visiting a cemetery. High heels or flip-flops are not permitted in the churchyard.

Cemetery signs

You should only come to the cemetery with your head covered. Otherwise, lost hair (or other biomaterial of a living person) can be used in black rituals.

After visiting the grave, all disposable items (cups, napkins, plates) are thrown into a trash container on the territory of the cemetery. Or they are washed at home with running water.

The belongings of the living cannot be left in the cemetery. Or take something home from the grave.

If during a visit to the cemetery a thing falls to the ground, it is better to leave it there, it already belongs to the dead. If this is a necessary item (for example, keys), you should rinse it with running water.

You should leave the cemetery the same way you came. Even if the purpose of the visit was several graves and there is an opportunity to exit from the other side of the cemetery, you should not do this.

Many people know about Radonitsa, but more often I call the holiday, known since pagan times, Parents' Day. At this time, deceased relatives are remembered and graves are visited. Radonitsa always occurs on the ninth day after Easter. It is also customary to remember loved ones on Trinity and on Dimitrievskaya parental Saturday - the closest to the holiday in honor of the Great Martyr Demetrius of Thessalonica (November 8).

People usually go to the cemetery with food. Before memorial days, it is customary to paint eggs and bake Easter cakes to leave them on the graves. This tradition is also a relic of paganism. What do you remember on Parents' Day?

IN memorial days Be sure to visit burial sites and tidy up the graves. Although you should not have long feasts there, especially with alcohol, these trips are still long. Therefore, you can organize a modest camp meal, and not put the leftover food on the graves, but distribute it to the poor.

What to prepare for parent's day for a trip to the cemetery? In addition to Easter cakes and colored eggs, it can be traditional jelly and funeral kutya. In the old days, jelly was made from oatmeal, rye or wheat flour. And since funeral jelly should be thick, it is better to eat it with a spoon, it can be diluted with milk, and oatmeal is made from ground oat flakes.

You need a couple of glasses of oatmeal, a couple of spoons of honey, 8 tbsp. water, salt. The sequence of preparing the food is as follows. Pour warm water over the flour, mix thoroughly and leave overnight. Rub through a sieve, add honey, add salt. Cook until thickened. When hot, pour it into molds. Wait until it hardens and cut into portions.

Kutya, or kolivo, serves as a symbol of resurrection. She is consecrated in the temple. On Parents' Day there are two options for this dish. The first recipe. Leave one and a half cups of wheat grains for a couple of hours, pour cold water. Boil the grains and let them drain. Dilute a glass of honey hot water and pour into the porridge. Boil it and cool it.

Option two is easier to prepare:

• Boil a glass of rice in one and a half glasses of water;
• pour a spoonful of steamed candied fruits and raisins into the porridge;
• send a couple of spoons of honey there;
• sprinkle the dish with pumpkin seeds.

At the cemetery you can also take pies with a sweet filling, such as jam. It's tasty, satisfying and convenient for an out-of-town meal.

Recipes for dishes to remember at home on Parents' Day

It is better to have a home funeral dinner after the cemetery. What to cook for parents' day at the memorial table? Kutya, colored eggs, lean or baked pancakes, pies with meat and potatoes, fish sandwiches, meat and fish dishes, chicken noodles, etc. are suitable.

Baked fish

Fish dishes are traditionally suitable for such an occasion. This is not a heavy food, and it does not require much time to cook. For example, it’s easy to make baked carp.

Technological sequence of preparation.

1. The fish, cleaned of entrails, gills and husks, is washed, dried and rubbed inside and out with a mixture of vegetable oil, lemon juice, honey, salt, ground pepper.
2. Place a bunch of parsley and cilantro inside the carp.
3. Bake on a greased baking sheet at medium temperature for three quarters of an hour.
4. Serve the dish on lettuce leaves, garnished with lemon wedges.

You can cook fish fillet this way for parent’s day. Cut 800 g fillet of any fish into portions. Coat each piece with a mixture of melted butter, chopped parsley, onion, lemon juice, mustard and salt. Wrap them in foil and bake in the oven at medium temperature for half an hour.

Meat snack

Homemade boiled pork is appropriate for a funeral menu. They do it like this. First prepare the brine. To do this, two and a half liters of water require a couple of spoons of mayonnaise, spices, including Bay leaf, allspice, marjoram, ground black pepper. Add a third of a glass of salt, a spoonful of sugar and a few cloves of chopped garlic. Boil and cool. Pour cold brine over two kilograms of fat-free pork fillet. Cook it for a few minutes and leave it in the pan overnight. Place in film or foil and store in the refrigerator.

Drinks and sweets

From a drink to this table on parent's day, a well-fed fruit and berry would be suitable. This is how they prepare it. Dilute a quarter glass of honey with two glasses of warm boiled water. Pour half a glass of fruit juice into the cooled liquid, you can add a little citric acid to it.

How to prepare dough for rich pancakes

Very tasty pies with raisins are suitable for a cemetery and for a home funeral dinner on Parents' Day. They bake them like this.

1. Dilute a little dry yeast with half a glass of warm milk, add a couple of tablespoons of sugar and flour and leave in a warm place for an hour.
2. Melt 50 g of butter and pour it into the dough. Add three eggs, a glass of sugar, a little salt, a glass of sour cream, and gradually pour in two kilograms of flour. Knead the dough.
3. Let it sit for a couple of hours, tapping it a few times when it fits.
4. Soak the raisins.
5. Divide the dough into balls, roll each one out and place raisins sprinkled with sugar in the middle.
6. Make two cuts at the edges and pass one edge through the other.
7. Place on a baking sheet and brush the surface with beaten yolk.
8. Bake at 180 degrees for a third of an hour.

Parents' days are a time to remember relatives. During this period, it is customary to help others, share food and money with them. Repentance, good deeds, prayers will help not only in this bright sadness, but will at least bring you one step closer to Christ.

Parents' Saturdays are days of special remembrance of the dead, when with our prayers we can provide great help to our family and friends who have passed on from earthly life. Five of them are reserved for commemorating deceased relatives, two more and the memorial services performed at the same time are called ecumenical. Parental Saturdays require the observance of certain rules that all believers should be aware of.

The deep meaning of parental Saturday

Please note that strong alcoholic drinks, such as vodka or cognac, are not accepted as donations.

If desired and possible, you can order a memorial service and after the prayers are completed, you are allowed to visit the cemetery, tidy up the grave, replace the flowers, thereby showing that you are preserving the memory of your loved one.

How to spend the rest of the day on Parents' Saturday and is it possible to clean up? Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko for the online publication “Orthodoxy and Peace” answers this question this way: the ban on cleaning the house on this day is nothing more than superstition, the day, of course, needs to start with visiting the temple, performing prayers, visiting the cemetery, and then If necessary, you can perform your usual household chores.

Another important question, which worries believers - is it possible to baptize a child on parental Saturday? Hegumen Alexy (Vladivostok diocese) and other priests of the Russian Orthodox Church remind us of a simple rule - you can baptize a child on all days without restrictions.

During the period of Lent in 2019, the following parental Saturdays fall:

• March 23 - Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the second week of Lent
• March 30 - Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the third week of Lent
• April 6 is Parental Ecumenical Saturday of the fourth week of Lent.

P.S. Prayer for the deceased is the sacred duty of every Christian. A great reward and great consolation awaits the one who, with his prayers, helps a deceased neighbor receive forgiveness of sins.

Complete collection and description: a prayer read on parent’s day for the spiritual life of a believer.

The hour comes when the remains of the deceased are buried in the earth, where they will rest until the end of time and the general resurrection. But the love of the Mother of the Church for her child who has departed from this life does not dry out. IN famous days she makes prayers for the deceased and makes a bloodless sacrifice for his repose. Special days of commemoration are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first). Commemoration on these days is sanctified by ancient church custom. It is consistent with the teaching of the Church about the state of the soul beyond the grave.

The third day. The commemoration of the deceased on the third day after death is performed in honor of the three-day resurrection of Jesus Christ and in the image of the Holy Trinity.

For the first two days, the soul of the deceased is still on earth, passing along with the Angel accompanying it through those places that attract it with memories of earthly joys and sorrows, evil and good deeds. The soul that loves the body sometimes wanders around the house in which the body is placed, and thus spends two days like a bird looking for a nest. A virtuous soul walks through those places in which it used to do the truth. On the third day, the Lord commands the soul to ascend to heaven to worship Him - the God of all. Therefore, the church commemoration of the soul that appeared before the face of the Just One is very timely.

Ninth day. The commemoration of the deceased on this day is in honor of the nine ranks of angels, who, as servants of the King of Heaven and representatives to Him for us, petition for pardon for the deceased.

After the third day, the soul, accompanied by an Angel, enters the heavenly abodes and contemplates their indescribable beauty. She remains in this state for six days. During this time, the soul forgets the sorrow that it felt while in the body and after leaving it. But if she is guilty of sins, then at the sight of the pleasure of the saints she begins to grieve and reproach herself: “Woe is me! How much I have become fussy in this world! I spent most of my life in carelessness and did not serve God as I should, so that I too would be worthy of this grace and glory. Alas for me, poor one!” On the ninth day, the Lord commands the Angels to again present the soul to Him for worship. The soul stands before the throne of the Most High with fear and trembling. But even at this time, the Holy Church again prays for the deceased, asking the merciful Judge to place the soul of her child with the saints.

Fortieth day. The forty-day period is very significant in the history and tradition of the Church as the time necessary for preparation and acceptance of the special Divine gift of the gracious help of the Heavenly Father. The Prophet Moses was honored to talk with God on Mount Sinai and receive the tablets of the law from Him only after a forty-day fast. The Israelites reached the promised land after forty years of wandering. Our Lord Jesus Christ Himself ascended into heaven on the fortieth day after His resurrection. Taking all this as a basis, the Church established commemoration on the fortieth day after death, so that the soul of the deceased would ascend the holy mountain of Heavenly Sinai, be rewarded with the sight of God, achieve the bliss promised to it and settle in the heavenly villages with the righteous.

After the second worship of the Lord, the Angels take the soul to hell, and it contemplates the cruel torment of unrepentant sinners. On the fortieth day, the soul ascends for the third time to worship God, and then its fate is decided - according to earthly affairs, it is assigned a place to stay until the Last Judgment. That's why it's so timely church prayers and commemorations on this day. They atone for the sins of the deceased and ask for his soul to be placed in paradise with the saints.

Anniversary. The Church commemorates the deceased on the anniversary of their death. The basis for this establishment is obvious. It is known that the largest liturgical cycle is the annual circle, after which all the fixed holidays are repeated again. The anniversary of the death of a loved one is always marked with at least a heartfelt remembrance by loving family and friends. For an Orthodox believer, this is a birthday for a new, eternal life.

In addition to these days, the Church has established special days for the solemn, general, ecumenical commemoration of all fathers and brothers in faith who have passed away from time to time, who have been worthy of Christian death, as well as those who, having been caught sudden death, were not guided into the afterlife by the prayers of the Church. The memorial services performed at this time, specified by the statutes of the Ecumenical Church, are called ecumenical, and the days on which the commemoration is performed are called ecumenical parental Saturdays. In the circle of the liturgical year, such days of general remembrance are:

Meat Saturday. Dedicating the Meat Week to the remembrance of the Last Last Judgment of Christ, the Church, in view of this judgment, established to intercede not only for its living members, but also for all who have died from time immemorial, who have lived in piety, of all generations, ranks and conditions, especially for those who died a sudden death , and prays to the Lord for mercy on them. The solemn all-church commemoration of the departed on this Saturday (as well as on Trinity Saturday) brings great benefit and help to our deceased fathers and brothers and at the same time serves as an expression of the fullness of the church life that we live. For salvation is possible only in the Church - the community of believers, the members of which are not only those living, but also all those who have died in the faith. And communication with them through prayer, their prayerful remembrance is an expression of our common unity in the Church of Christ.

Saturday Trinity. The commemoration of all dead pious Christians was established on the Saturday before Pentecost due to the fact that the event of the descent of the Holy Spirit completed the economy of human salvation, and the deceased also participate in this salvation. Therefore, the Church, sending up prayers on Pentecost for the revival of all living by the Holy Spirit, asks on the very day of the holiday that for the departed the grace of the all-holy and all-sanctifying Spirit of the Comforter, which they were granted during their lifetime, would be a source of bliss, since by the Holy Spirit “every soul is given life.” " Therefore, the Church devotes the eve of the holiday, Saturday, to the remembrance of the departed and prayer for them. Saint Basil the Great, who composed the touching prayers of Vespers of Pentecost, says in them that the Lord especially on this day deigns to accept prayers for the dead and even for “those kept in hell.”

Parental Saturdays of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th weeks of the Holy Pentecost. On Holy Pentecost - the days of Great Lent, the feat of spirituality, the feat of repentance and charity to others - the Church calls on believers to be in the closest union of Christian love and peace not only with the living, but also with the dead, to perform prayerful commemorations of those who have departed from this life on designated days. In addition, the Saturdays of these weeks are designated by the Church for the remembrance of the dead for another reason that on the weekdays of Great Lent no funeral commemorations are performed (this includes funeral litanies, litias, memorial services, commemorations of the 3rd, 9th and 40th days by death, sorokousty), since there is no full liturgy every day, the celebration of which is associated with the commemoration of the dead. In order not to deprive the dead of the saving intercession of the Church on the days of the Holy Pentecost, the indicated Saturdays are allocated.

Radonitsa. The basis for the general commemoration of the dead, which takes place on the Tuesday after St. Thomas Week (Sunday), is, on the one hand, the remembrance of the descent of Jesus Christ into hell and His victory over death, connected with St. Thomas Sunday, and, on the other hand, the permission of the church charter to perform the usual commemoration of the dead after Passion and Holy Week, starting from Fomin Monday. On this day, believers come to the graves of their relatives and friends with the joyful news of the Resurrection of Christ. Hence the day of remembrance itself is called Radonitsa (or Radunitsa).

Unfortunately, in Soviet time a custom was established to visit cemeteries not on Radonitsa, but on the first day of Easter. It is natural for a believer to visit the graves of his loved ones after fervent prayer for their repose in the church - after a memorial service has been served in the church. During Easter week there are no funeral services, for Easter is an all-encompassing joy for believers in the Resurrection of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, during the entire Easter week, funeral litanies are not pronounced (although the usual commemoration is performed at the proskomedia), and memorial services are not served.

It is necessary to remember the deceased in the Church as often as possible, not only on designated special days commemoration, but also on any other day. The Church makes the main prayer for the repose of deceased Orthodox Christians at the Divine Liturgy, offering a bloodless sacrifice to God for them. To do this, you should submit notes with their names to the church before the start of the liturgy (or the night before) (only baptized Orthodox Christians can be entered). At the proskomedia, particles will be taken out of the prosphora for their repose, which at the end of the liturgy will be lowered into the holy chalice and washed with the Blood of the Son of God. Let us remember that this is the greatest benefit we can provide to those who are dear to us. This is how it is said about commemoration at the liturgy in the Message of the Eastern Patriarchs: “We believe that the souls of people who fell into mortal sins and did not despair at death, but repented even before separation from real life, only did not have time to bear any fruits of repentance (such fruits could be their prayers, tears, kneeling during prayer vigils, contrition, consolation of the poor and expression in actions of love for God and neighbors) - the souls of such people descend into hell and suffer punishment for the sins they have committed, without, however, losing hope for relief. They receive relief through the infinite goodness of God through the prayers of priests and charity done for the dead, and especially through the power of bloodless sacrifice, which, in particular, the priest makes for every Christian for his loved ones, and in general the Catholic and Apostolic Church makes for everyone every day.”

An eight-pointed Orthodox cross is usually placed at the top of the note. Then the type of commemoration is indicated - “On repose”, after which the names of those commemorated in the genitive case are written in large, legible handwriting (to answer the question “who?”), and the clergy and monastics are mentioned first, indicating the rank and degree of monasticism (for example, Metropolitan John, schema-abbot Savva, archpriest Alexander, nun Rachel, Andrey, Nina).

All names must be given in church spelling (for example, Tatiana, Alexy) and in full (Mikhail, Lyubov, and not Misha, Lyuba).

The number of names on the note does not matter; you just need to take into account that the priest has the opportunity to read not very long notes more carefully. Therefore, it is better to submit several notes if you want to remember many of your loved ones.

By submitting notes, the parishioner makes a donation for the needs of the monastery or temple. To avoid embarrassment, please remember that the difference in prices (registered or plain notes) only reflects the difference in the amount of the donation. Also, do not be embarrassed if you did not hear the names of your relatives mentioned in the litany. As mentioned above, the main commemoration takes place at the proskomedia when removing particles from the prosphora. During the funeral litany, you can take out your memorial and pray for your loved ones. The prayer will be more effective if the one commemorating himself on that day partakes of the Body and Blood of Christ.

After the liturgy, a memorial service can be celebrated. The memorial service is served before the eve - a special table with an image of the crucifixion and rows of candlesticks. Here you can leave an offering for the needs of the temple in memory of deceased loved ones.

It is very important after death to order the sorokoust in the church - continuous commemoration during the liturgy for forty days. After its completion, the sorokoust can be ordered again. There are also long periods of commemoration - six months, a year. Some monasteries accept notes for eternal (as long as the monastery stands) commemoration or for commemoration during the reading of the Psalter (this is an ancient Orthodox custom). The more churches where prayer is offered, the better for our neighbor!

It is very useful on the memorable days of the deceased to donate to the church, give alms to the poor with a request to pray for him. On the eve you can bring sacrificial food. You cannot just bring meat food and alcohol (except for church wine) to the eve. The simplest type of sacrifice for the deceased is a candle that is lit for his repose.

Realizing that the most we can do for our deceased loved ones is to submit a note of remembrance at the liturgy, we should not forget to pray for them at home and perform acts of mercy.

Prayer for the departed is our main and invaluable help to those who have passed into another world. The deceased, by and large, does not need a coffin, a grave monument, much less a memorial table - all this is just a tribute to traditions, albeit very pious ones. But the eternally living soul of the deceased experiences a great need for constant prayer, for it cannot itself do good deeds with which it would be able to appease the Lord. Home prayer for loved ones, including the dead, is the duty of every Orthodox Christian. St. Philaret, Metropolitan of Moscow, speaks about prayer for the dead: “If the all-discerning Wisdom of God does not forbid praying for the dead, does this not mean that it is still allowed to throw a rope, although not always reliable enough, but sometimes, and perhaps often, saving for souls who have fallen away from the shores of temporary life, but have not reached eternal refuge? Saving for those souls who waver over the abyss between bodily death and the final judgment of Christ, now rising by faith, now plunging into deeds unworthy of it, now elevated by grace, now brought down by the remains of a damaged nature, now ascended by Divine desire, now entangled in the rough, not yet completely stripped of the clothes of earthly thoughts. »

Home prayerful commemoration of a deceased Christian is very diverse. You should pray especially diligently for the deceased in the first forty days after his death. As already indicated in the section “Reading the Psalter for the Dead,” during this period it is very useful to read the Psalter about the deceased, at least one kathisma per day. You can also recommend reading an akathist about the repose of the departed. In general, the Church commands us to pray every day for deceased parents, relatives, known people and benefactors. For this purpose, among the daily morning prayers The following short prayer is included:

Rest, O Lord, the souls of Your departed servants: my parents, relatives, benefactors (their names), and all Orthodox Christians, and forgive them all sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant them the Kingdom of Heaven.

It is more convenient to read names from a commemoration book - a small book where the names of living and deceased relatives are written down. There is a pious custom of keeping family memorials, reading which Orthodox people remember by name many generations of their deceased ancestors.

The pious custom of remembering the dead at meals has been known for a very long time. But, unfortunately, many funerals turn into an occasion for relatives to get together, discuss news, eat delicious food, while Orthodox Christians should pray for the deceased at the funeral table.

Before the meal, a litia should be performed - a short rite of requiem, which can be performed by a layman. As a last resort, you need to at least read Psalm 90 and the Lord’s Prayer. The first dish eaten at a wake is kutia (kolivo). These are boiled cereal grains (wheat or rice) with honey and raisins. Grains serve as a symbol of resurrection, and honey - the sweetness that the righteous enjoy in the Kingdom of God. According to the charter, kutia must be blessed with a special rite during a memorial service; if this is not possible, you need to sprinkle it with holy water.

Naturally, the owners want to provide a tasty treat for everyone who came to the funeral. But you must observe the fasts established by the Church and eat permitted foods: on Wednesdays, Fridays, and during long fasts, do not eat fasting foods. If the memory of the deceased occurs on a weekday during Lent, then the commemoration is moved to the Saturday or Sunday closest to it.

You must abstain from wine, especially vodka, at the funeral meal! The dead are not remembered with wine! Wine is a symbol of earthly joy, and a wake is an occasion for intense prayer for a person who may suffer greatly in life. afterlife. You should not drink alcohol, even if the deceased himself liked to drink. It is known that “drunken” wakes often turn into an ugly gathering where the deceased is simply forgotten. At the table you need to remember the deceased, his good qualities and deeds (hence the name - wake). The custom of leaving a glass of vodka and a piece of bread at the table “for the deceased” is a relic of paganism and should not be observed in Orthodox families.

On the contrary, there are pious customs worthy of imitation. In many Orthodox families, the first to sit down at the funeral table are the poor and the poor, children and old women. They can also be given clothes and belongings of the deceased. Orthodox people can tell about numerous cases of evidence from the afterlife about great help to the deceased as a result of the creation of alms by their relatives. Moreover, the loss of loved ones prompts many people to take the first step towards God, to begin living the life of an Orthodox Christian.

Thus, one living archimandrite says: next case from my pastoral practice.

“It was during difficult times post-war years. A mother, tearful with grief, whose eight-year-old son Misha drowned, comes to me, the rector of the village church. And she says that she dreamed of Misha and complained about the cold - he was completely without clothes. I tell her: “Are any of his clothes left?” - "Yes, sure". - “Give it to your Mishin friends, they’ll probably find it useful.”

A few days later she tells me that she again saw Misha in a dream: he was dressed in exactly the clothes that were given to his friends. He thanked him, but now complained of hunger. I advised to organize a memorial meal for the village children - Misha's friends and acquaintances. No matter how difficult it is in difficult times, what can you do for your beloved son! And the woman treated the children as best she could.

She came for the third time. She thanked me very much: “Misha said in a dream that now he is warm and nourished, but my prayers are not enough.” I taught her prayers and advised her not to leave acts of mercy for the future. She became a zealous parishioner, always ready to respond to requests for help, and to the best of her ability she helped orphans, the poor and the poor.”

Orthodox prayers for the remembrance of the dead

Prayers for the deceased are considered an important church ritual that helps the soul of the deceased find peace. What prayer to read for the deceased up to 40 days every day, what prayer for the repose of the soul up to 1 year for parents, relatives, husbands, wives should be read in order to correctly remember a newly deceased (recently departed to another world) loved one, a long-dead father, mother?

For up to 40 days, the souls of the departed need prayer. Prayers for the deceased, as a rule, are read by relatives at home or in church; the texts of the prayers can be short or long; on memorial days, prayers spoken in one’s own words are suitable.

For the first 3 days after death, according to the narration of the Holy Fathers, the soul is near the body. After 3 days, the soul of the newly departed deceased passes from earthly life to spiritual world, where each soul has the opportunity to bear responsibility for its earthly deeds, to answer for its sins. On the 40th day, God's Judgment ends, and the soul moves to heaven or hell. The first 40 days are very important for the souls of the departed; prayers are especially necessary during these days.

Razgadamus considers it educational. The most important prayers for Orthodox Christians are prayers for the departed; an Orthodox prayer is read at the Liturgy in the church during the service, during the memorial service by the priests. At home, in addition to prayer, you can read the Psalter - this holy book psalms, which is read collectively, individually in church or at home in front of icons. Psalms for the departed can be read on the anniversary of the death of parents, husband, wife, or on any other day; they should be read correctly at home with a burning candle or lamp.

How to pray on the days of remembrance, what prayers for the departed should Orthodox Christians have? We offer the strongest orthodox prayers memorials, which can be read in Parental memorial Saturdays, after the death of parents (father, mother) up to 40 days or a deceased wife, husband, relative every day. After Easter, according to church Orthodox calendar, every year Orthodox Christians celebrate the holiday of Radonitsa or Parents' Day (in 2017 the date is April 25); We hope that the accessible texts published in this article will be used by many believers on the approaching day of remembrance.