What to do when a child sleeps with his parents. What are the dangers of sleeping together with children in the same bed?

Co-sleeping with an infant is very convenient for him and his mother. A child who has been in a warm, soft and cramped space for nine months does not feel very comfortable in a crib. He, accustomed to the beating of his mother’s heart and her breathing, is lonely and scared to remain without the usual sounds and sensations. Constant contact with the mother gives the baby a feeling of security and calm. A mother sleeping with her child is also calmer; she manages to get enough sleep without wasting precious night hours on frequent getting up to see the crying child. baby. She simply hears his grunting and immediately gives him the breast, while she can continue to sleep. The child, having had enough, falls asleep and snores sweetly, clinging to his mother.

Even if a woman does not breastfeed, it is difficult to overestimate the importance of these contacts for forming a close bond with her child. In any case, you need to get up to the baby at least 3-5 times a night and spend some time on any feeding (breast or bottle). You can hug, stroke, cuddle the waking baby in time, then he may not completely clear up and, what is important, the duration mom's dream will increase.

Let's move on to the cons. Although many people classify cases of small children being strangled by their mothers as folk horror stories, this possibility cannot be ruled out. It seems clear that maternal sleep is instinctively very sensitive, but this sensitivity can be dulled if the mother has taken, for example, a sedative and sleeping pills or is simply very tired. Also, one should not discount the fact that there is also a third person in the parent’s bed – the child’s father. It’s good if the bed is wide, and dad is able to refuse his wife’s marital duties for some time. Otherwise, he will not only be forced to huddle somewhere on the edge or against the wall, but also not feel much better than a child, “postponed” to another bed.

Many parents sleep more shallowly and restlessly when their baby is in their bed, which does not allow them to fully rest and recuperate. U baby a persistent need for the constant presence of adults may develop, up to a dependent state. Co-sleeping, with all of it positive aspects, interferes with the acquisition of the skill of falling asleep and sleeping alone. It may turn out that parents will be forced to “ensure presence”, contrary to their plans and capabilities, just so that the baby sleeps peacefully through the night.

What is better - to wean or not to wean?

Of course, the question of weaning a child from co-sleeping is unlikely to grow up in a family where child has been sleeping alone since birth. This choice in each specific case must be made by the parents themselves, based on their own capabilities and weighing all the pros and cons. However, you may encounter the fact that a child slept peacefully in his own bed until he was 1.5 years old, and at this age or a little later (when the first conscious fear of the dark appears) he begins to “be capricious”, refuses to sleep separately, does everything possible, even before applying manipulations to remain in the parent's bed.

If parents are too principled in this matter, then evening “showdowns” with the child can develop into real battles, and the child will develop nervous exhaustion. The same applies to children who have slept with their parents since birth. Therefore, if you decide to wean your child from co-sleeping, do it before or after this age. Here is another disappointing argument for those who are convinced that the child should sleep separately. Statistics show that children who still sleep with their parents at 5-6 years of age have most often had the experience of sleeping separately, and more than half of them came to their parents' bed after 1.5 years. That is, when parents do not sleep with a child for five months, there is no guarantee that they will not have to do this after 1.5 years.

Some mothers practice sleeping separately with their child until he reaches six months of age, that is, until the child shows significant anxiety while lying in his crib. And then they start taking him into their bed because he makes it clear that he doesn't want to go back to his place. With this scenario, it is extremely difficult for a child who initially slept separately to wean him from sleeping together in the future.

Finally, convinced supporters of co-sleeping with a child should be aware of the fact that child sleeping with parents not only in the same bed, but even in the same room, can witness them sexual relations. Moreover, even if this happens at an age when parents believe that he is not developmentally capable of understanding what is happening, this can be very traumatic for him. It is believed that the optimal age for moving a child to his own bed is about 3 years : the child has already experienced his first night terrors, feeling the support of mom and dad, and at the same time he already feels like an individual, a person who has his own individuality and owns certain property.

A separate bed – a personal corner – can become such property. Although even at this age problems may arise. More often this happens to those children whose parents tried to put them away before they reached the age of 3. Such children remember their discomfort and their fears, and it can be very difficult to convince them that this time everything will be fine. In fact, the best option would be not to push the child, not to try to move him into his own bed, but to wait for the moment when he wants to do this himself. Indeed, in most cases this moment comes by itself. Well, let this happen a little later than 3 years, because everyone child individual, and some of them are more and some are less attached to their parents. And the level of anxiety in children is different.

However, we do not always have the opportunity to “let the situation take its course.” Sometimes children do not show any desire to “move out”, although it seems that all conceivable and inconceivable deadlines have already passed. And sometimes new family circumstances simply arise - people change their place and living conditions, another little one appears, or the parents are simply tired, unable to relax at night and be alone with each other. And then the question, as they say, is posed bluntly.

How to wean baby sleep with mom?

It’s good if the baby at a certain stage goes to his own bed on his own. Just because he wants it. However, the situation becomes more complicated and can take the most unexpected turns if the child is “not morally mature.” So, if you decide that the “X-hour” has come, and the child does not even think about moving to his own bed, you will have to come to terms with the fact that the process of weaning him from the parental bed can take a lot of your time and effort. Of course, this issue must be approached with all responsibility and everything must be done so that it is not too traumatic for the child.

It is very difficult to convince a grown-up child, accustomed to sleeping with his parents, that his little brother or sister needs his mother more than he does. This can arouse strong jealousy on his part. Put yourself in his place: what it’s like to be rejected for some squeaking lump, to sleep in a separate bed, when your beloved mommy cuddles your competitor. The child may feel betrayed and harbor resentment towards the people closest to him. Perhaps in in this case It would be better, along with weaning the older child from the parental bed, not to accustom the younger one to it either.

From personal experience: My eldest daughter was very attached to me. Until she was 2.5 years old, she slept in the same bed with me, and it was important for her, when falling asleep, to cuddle up to me or at least hold my hand. Realizing that after the birth of my second child I would have to take him into my bed from time to time, I decided that the four of us would definitely not fit there, so the children would have to sleep separately. Weaning our daughter off co-sleeping was surprisingly easy when we bought her her own crib and placed it in our room, in which the little one also slept in a stroller. The presence of her own corner with a beautiful and cozy crib, as well as the argument “look, Egorka is so small, but sleeps separately from his mother” did the trick - the daughter began to sleep “like an adult” with pleasure.

In any case, even if no more offspring are expected in your family, it is quite easy to motivate your child to sleep separately by buying him a bed to suit his taste. Now there is a huge selection in children's furniture stores. A bed in the shape of a car, for example, will become a boy’s favorite place not only for sleeping, but also for playing, and a crib with a canopy and feather bed, similar to a princess’s bed, will charm any girl. There are even beds from which you can slide down a slide attached to the side - what a gift for your playful little one?

You can also make your life easier by simply placing the baby crib next to your own, first removing one of its walls and adjusting the height. When you hear your baby crying, you can easily take him out and feed him or calm him down, and then return him to his place. As your baby grows, you simply move his crib to a distance that is comfortable for him and you. It is much more difficult to teach a child to sleep in a separate room. Usually, at an age when parents try to wean a child from co-sleeping, he develops childhood fears, one of which is the fear of the dark.

Perhaps the mother should sleep with the child in his room for a while until he gets used to it and makes sure that nothing bad will happen to him. It is very important for any child to follow a certain ritual before bed. A ritual is a few simple actions in a clearly defined sequence. Children are afraid to fall asleep; many have a subconscious fear that the world will change while they sleep, and mom and dad may disappear when they wake up. They want to sleep with their mother because they are sure that she is nearby and will not go anywhere. Very often you can notice that when a child wakes up, the first thing he wants to do is make sure that his parents are there. And following the ritual gives confidence and sets the child up for sleep.

Some parents practice the following: if an older child does not want to go to his crib, they “go to bed” in the parent’s bed - read fairy tales, perform other bedtime rituals accepted in the family, and then transfer the fallen asleep child to his bed. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. If a child, when waking up in the morning, does not react too violently to the absence of his mother, then this is not stress for him. And, getting ready for bed, mother and child experience moments of closeness that are so necessary for both of them.

There is another option: the mother puts the child to sleep in his crib, and after completing all the rituals, she simply sits next to him for a while. Children are very sensitive to their mother's smell. Feeling it, they feel safe. Therefore, if a child is anxious about the need to sleep in his own crib, put some of the things with your scent there. You can try to use the so-called “replacement method” - when putting the child to sleep in his own crib, the mother leaves for a while (at first just for a few minutes), motivating her departure with some urgent matter, and leaves the child’s favorite toy in her place, “entrusting "She should take care of the baby.

When returning, mom should “thank” the toy for her care. Gradually, the child gets used to sleeping with a toy, which he identifies with something reliable that protects his sleep. A night light can be very useful. You can try using a night light that projects moving pictures onto the ceiling or walls. And of course, to prepare for bed, it is necessary that evening games be calm.

Also for peace of mind nervous system Short walks before bed are beneficial. In the end, no matter what the situation, you always need to listen to the child and your own feelings. By doing this, you will always choose the optimal tactic - the one that suits you and your child. And then the process of weaning the baby from co-sleeping will be as painless as possible for everyone.

Ekaterina Morozova

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As soon as a little person is born, parents, first of all, preparing a crib for him u. So that the mattress is natural, the sides are soft, the linen is beautiful, and the carousel is musical. However, sleep The baby is most often placed in the parent's bed , to which he quickly gets used to. How can you wean your child from this habit, and is it even possible for a child to sleep with mom and dad?

Are there any benefits to having a child sleep with their parents?

Should I put the baby in my bed? every mother decides for myself. Even pediatricians and psychologists do not have a consensus on this matter. Therefore, we understand the pros and cons, as well as the age limits - when it is possible and when it is no longer worth it.

Why should a baby not sleep with his parents?

• Independence and individuality are formed the faster and more actively, the more conditions for this process, including (in this case) - your own room, your own bed, your own space. A radio nanny on my mother’s bedside table saves me from worries that “the baby will cry and I won’t hear.” As a last resort, the newborn's crib is next to the parent's bed.

• Sleeping next to mom for a long time(especially after 3-4 years) – this strong dependence on mother in the future(In most cases). When making decisions, the child will be guided by the opinion of the mother.
• A newborn child may be accidentally crushed by a parent in his sleep. Usually, mothers feel their children perfectly well in their sleep (the maternal instinct has not been canceled), but the risk of crushing the child increases sharply with acute fatigue or taking sleeping pills, sedatives, etc. But for dads, the maternal instinct is absent - an awkward movement in a dream can end tragically.
• In case dad sorely lacks mom's attention, It is not advisable to put a baby in the parent's bed - it will not benefit the relationship.
• Closeness between parents with a sleeping baby, at least difficult. Which is also not good for marital relationships.

• For reasons of hygiene It is also not recommended to place the child with his parents. Firstly, the ill health of the parents will affect the baby. Secondly, washing a diaper from a crib is much easier than drying a parent’s mattress.
• According to statistics more than 50% of couples tucking children into their beds between mom and dad, getting divorced.

Expert opinions in favor of baby sleeping with parents:

• From birth to 2-3 years of age, sleeping next to the mother does not cause any harm ( We don’t take into account the personal relationship between mom and dad). After 2-3 years, the baby should be “relocated” to a children’s bed without fail.

• Sleep with infant in bed - a natural occurrence for a mother, who simply does not physically have the strength to get up to her crib every 2-3 hours.
• For a newborn(especially from 0 to 3 months) sleeping with mom is the feeling of her warmth and absolute security. During pregnancy, the baby gets used to the mother’s breathing rhythm, heartbeat, and voice. In the first weeks - to the smell. And for the baby’s peace of mind, the mother’s closeness in the first 3 months is a necessity, not a whim.
• Child in bed with mom and dad wakes up less often respectively, parents sleep better.
• The closeness of the baby promotes lactation and the calm process of feeding the baby “on demand”.
• Sharing a dream - an emotional connection with the baby, which is very important in the first weeks and months of a baby’s life.

• Children who sleep with their parents are less afraid of the dark at an older age they fall asleep easier.
• When sleeping together baby's sleep and wake cycles are synchronized and mothers.
• Co-sleeping is a necessity, when the mother goes to work immediately after giving birth, and time to communicate with the baby is limited during the working day.

And a few rules about the safety of mother and baby sleeping together:

• Don't put your baby between you and your spouse so that dad doesn’t accidentally crush the baby in his sleep. Place it closer to the wall or build a cushion out of a blanket.
• The place where the baby sleeps should be rigid. A soft bed may cause spinal problems in the future.
• Don't overly wrap your baby when you take him in for the night. And cover with a separate blanket.
• If you are very tired, taking serious medications, or lack of sleep, place your baby separately.

How to wean a child from sleeping with his parents - detailed instructions for parents

Weaning your baby off co-sleeping (if he has already acquired this habit) should be no later than 2-3 years (and better after 1.5 years). Be prepared that the process will be difficult and long, be patient. And we will tell you how to “get by with little blood” and wean a baby over 2-3 years old from your bed as painlessly as possible.

• If there is something to come in the baby’s life an important event, which could seriously affect him psychological condition – hold off on “relocation”. Such an event could be a move, the birth of a brother/sister, a kindergarten, a hospital, etc.
• It is strictly not recommended to suddenly relocate little resident of your bed into a separate bed according to the principle - “From this day on, you sleep in your own bed, period.” Transition to new sleeping conditions gradually and in stages.

• Let's start with a nap. On nap- in a crib. Of course, mom is nearby until the baby falls asleep. And of course - all the conditions for a comfortable sleep.
• On night sleep for starters, not a separate bed, but a light barrier between you. For example, a toy.

• Conditions for a comfortable night's sleep children are traditional: fresh, clean bed linen (preferably with a design chosen by the child himself - cartoon characters, etc.); comfortable mattress and crib itself; favorite toy; night light on the wall; ventilated room; no active games before bedtime; aromatic bath; full stomach; bedtime story; wall painting, etc.
• Never punish your child using the “If you misbehave, you will go to your own bed” method. A crib should be a place where you want to crawl into and fall asleep, curled up comfortably, and not a place for “exemplary spanking.”
• If the child categorically does not want to move, start small. Move his crib next to his parents' bed. If your baby suddenly dreams of a woman or imagines a monster in the closet, he will be able to urgently move under your side. Gradually, as the child gets used to it, the crib can be moved further and further.

• If your baby wants a huge hare or even a car in bed instead of a small teddy bear, don’t argue with him. Let him take it, since it’s easier for him to sleep with his favorite toy. When he falls asleep, carefully remove it or move it to his feet, at the very end of the bed. The same applies to underwear: if the baby demands a set with Spiderman, do not force him underwear with flowers or stars.

• Choose a night light with your child. Let him decide for himself who will illuminate him at night and protect him with his fairy light from the women (if he is afraid of them).
• By allowing your child to be independent, you increase your child’s self-esteem(“Hurray, mom thinks I’m an adult!”) and thereby help him move into his own bed with less stress.
• Ask a relative or friend(a person whose authority is undeniable for the baby) casually bring up the topic of co-sleeping with your child. Usually an outside opinion, and even important person very valuable for a child. Let this person gently, in a narrative form and “using his childhood example,” convey to the baby that at this age you need to sleep in your own crib. Like, but at your age I’m already...

• Has your baby been sleeping alone for a week now? This is a reason to have a little celebration in honor of his independence. With cakes, a gift and a “medal” from mom for courage and independence.
• Prepare for the fact that the first days ( or even weeks) the baby will come running and crawl to you at night. What to do in this case? Wait until the baby falls asleep, and then carefully move it back to the “place of permanent deployment”. Or get up immediately, escort your baby back to bed and sit next to him until he falls asleep again.

• If your child is over 4 years old and still sleeps in your bed, it's time to think again. Either there are psychological problems the child (fears, for example), or the child remains in your bed due to problems in his personal life. This situation is not uncommon. Some mothers, not wanting intimacy with their husband for some reason, leave the baby to sleep in the marital bed. In both cases, a solution to the problem is required.
• Use a baby monitor. Or buy two walkie-talkies so that your child can call you at any time or just make sure that you are nearby and have not forgotten about him. Walkie-talkies are a fashionable toy for children, and therefore a real “game” find for this business. It is much easier to teach a child something through play.
• Turn the process of going to bed into your good tradition: take a swim before bed, drink milk and cookies (for example), talk with mom about the most important things in the world, read a new interesting fairy tale, etc. The child should wait for this moment like a holiday, and not hide from you in the corners, afraid of being left in alone in my bed.

Remember, every child has a fear in his subconscious that while he is sleeping, the world may turn upside down and his mother will disappear. Therefore, it is important that the baby always feels your support and closeness.
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Have you been to your family life similar situations? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Currently, the idea of ​​sharing a night's sleep between the mother (and sometimes both parents) and the child is very, very popular. Moreover, it is not pediatricians who are actively promoting it, who are extremely distrustful of the benefits of co-sleeping. The main supporters of the presence of children in marital beds are breastfeeding specialists and some psychologists... So: is it good or bad for the health and psyche of a child to sleep at night with his parents?

Is “close” parenting the new yoga?

Many (if not all!) fashion trends come into our society from outside. Even such a seemingly closed area of ​​life as parenthood is also last years has undergone a lot of changes under the influence of overseas “trends”. Young mothers now carry their babies on themselves day and night (slings are incredibly popular these days), agree to breastfeed them “at the first squeak,” and also practice co-sleeping - this is when adults and their children sleep in the same bed at night. But is this joint sleep really necessary and useful?

Experts who deal with young children in one way or another - pediatricians, neonatologists, child psychologists, breastfeeding specialists and others - have unwittingly divided into two camps: some actively support the idea of ​​co-sleeping with children, believing that such a lifestyle in infancy is beneficial baby. Others, on the contrary, were wary: how would this shared sleep affect the psyche of a growing child? Isn’t it risky to keep the fragile, vulnerable body of a baby next to you in a dream? Does a baby, whose intrauterine period of development has already successfully completed, really need constant tactile contact with his mother?

Having carefully and meticulously studied all the possible arguments for and against sleeping together, we will voice the most reasonable and significant of them. Having selected a worthy argument for each opposite sign", so that you yourself can evaluate the pros and cons of sleeping together and make a decision - does your child sleep in a separate crib from birth or in yours?

Arguments for co-sleeping

The child has the opportunity to receive as much breast milk as much as he needs. The very idea of ​​on-demand feeding presupposes constant closeness between mother and her child, without regard to the time of day. That is why co-sleeping is, in fact, a natural extension of this style.

HOWEVER, many modern pediatricians do not support the very idea of ​​feeding on demand. There are often situations directly related to the baby’s health when food restrictions play a positive, one might even say partly therapeutic, role. For example, infant colic, some manifestations of diathesis, colds, or even just a very hot and stuffy climate. In most cases, in such circumstances, the pediatrician recommends temporarily reducing the amount of milk that the baby eats per day to allow the body to cope with the problem. And even if the baby’s health is excellent, constant access to food can weaken him.

For example, in this case, the baby needs water, not food. But, experiencing thirst and uncontrolled access to the breast, the child sometimes eats twice or three times more milk than he needs per day. Such overeating often leads to digestive problems, skin rashes, pain and anxiety.

A child who frequently stimulates the mother’s breasts (including at night) helps to establish good, long-term lactation. It's true - the more often the baby is put to the breast, the more milk his mother will produce. And the longer lactation will last.

HOWEVER, in order to stimulate the establishment of lactation, it is enough for the newborn to smack the mother’s breast (even if it is still empty) for just the first few days after birth. But when the process of milk production has more or less improved, there is no longer any need for the baby to literally “hang” on the chest constantly, day and night. Moreover, frequent breast stimulation, which provokes the mother’s body to produce more and more milk, ultimately leads to the opposite result.

After all, at night, a child who is at his mother’s side does not so much eat milk as simply smack his lips, then falling asleep and then waking up at the breast. It turns out that more than enough milk is produced during the night, but very little is sucked out. What does this mean?

Excess milk will begin to stagnate, and if the mother does not pump regularly, it can lead to lactation mastitis. It’s not for nothing that pediatricians around the world recommend feeding babies only once a night.

Spending night hours in the same bed with parents, the child receives a feeling of security, protection and warmth. Before birth, he felt the constant physical closeness of his mother, and after birth he needs her...

HOWEVER, this does not mean that the baby needs close tactile contact throughout the night. Yes, it's true - if a baby (and especially a newborn) has trouble falling asleep, then with the help you can quickly put him to sleep. But at the same time, it is not at all necessary to put it in your bed at night.

When the birth process is completed, and the child begins his journey in this world as an independent, separate person, priorities change: the baby still needs the mother’s closeness, but now this closeness should be less “physical” in nature, but more intellectual and communicative - the child needs the care, support and warmth of his family, which he now increasingly receives from communication with his family.

And then, do not forget that the baby has not only night sleep (which parents, in fairness, need extremely badly!), but also daytime sleep. Who stops a mother from simply lying down in silence, hugging her sleeping baby, in the middle of the day?

Radiate love and joy, communicate with your child, and relax with him during “quiet hours” - believe me, this is more than enough to give the baby a feeling of constant protection, care and comfort, but without putting him under your blanket every night.

Arguments against co-sleeping

Parents have the opportunity to get enough sleep and rest fully. How can you relax and sleep soundly when a tiny, fragile body is pressed against your side? Of course, it is absolutely impossible. And only by transferring the baby to a separate crib, the parent is able to take a comfortable position, forget himself and fall asleep.

HOWEVER, it is undesirable in the first months of a child’s life to sleep with the baby in different rooms. Even if you have a radio or video baby monitor, your presence nearby is necessary - the baby needs to be fed at least once a night (and only after 4-5 months can night feedings be stopped), correct his posture, monitor his well-being, etc. Best option in this case, the use of an additional crib, which leaves each family member his living space untouched, but at the same time allows him to control the condition of the baby.

Parents have the opportunity to be with each other. The status of young parents does not negate the status of a man and woman in love with each other. Who, naturally, from time to time want to enjoy each other’s company in their own bed. Whereas the presence of children in it does not in any way contribute to full-fledged sexual relationships.

HOWEVER, if you passionately desire both - marital sex, and co-sleeping with children, a way out can be found in this situation: you will have to move the “testing ground” for passion and carnal pleasures from the bed (which from now on and for the next few years becomes exclusive sleeping place for the whole family) to some other place.

The child’s body quickly gets used to sleeping peacefully and soundly all night. This fact has been confirmed by child psychologists - children who initially sleep in their own separate crib wean themselves off night feedings much faster and easier. In addition, these children usually settle down faster at an older age, after a year - they do not need to re-read all of Andersen before bed or sing 15 lullabies per evening.

HOWEVER, it's not hopeless. There has not yet been a single case recorded where a child, with age, has not learned to sleep separately from his parents. If you practice co-sleeping, you can console yourself with the thought that in any case, sooner (but most likely late) your child will learn to calmly, quickly and soundly fall asleep at some distance from you.

Children who initially sleep separately from their parents are much less likely to develop the so-called childhood nightmare syndrome in the future. And this is also a scientifically proven fact, which is confirmed by multiple studies. Children who sleep in their cribs (and also in their rooms) from the first year of life do not suffer from obsessive thoughts as if there was a bloodthirsty monster lurking under the bed. The same cannot be said about children who are initially accustomed to falling asleep not alone, but under reliable protection parents' bedroom - as a rule, such children aged 2-5 years acutely experience a period of night fears and anxieties...

HOWEVER, the problem of nightmares in children does not present any difficulties for modern child psychologists - they are able to help children not be afraid of the onset of twilight.

How to sleep for parents and children: the best option

In order not to go to extremes, you can rely on an approximate diagram that will take into account both the interests of parents and the needs of children:

• 1 From birth to approximately 4-5 months the child can sleep directly next to the mother, but in his own separate cot (or even in a cradle, stroller, etc., where he could comfortably sit while sleeping). This is, first of all, convenient for the mother, who, to feed, will only need to stretch out her arms, take the baby and attach it to her breast.
• 2 After 4-5 months the baby “moves” into the crib. It may well be in the parent's bedroom, or in the room next door - in this case, a radio or video baby monitor is needed. At the age of 4 months, the child can gradually wean himself without night feedings. Quite the contrary: sound, long sleep at this age is more beneficial for the baby’s health than waking up during the night and feeding. There are reliable studies showing that children who were completely denied night feedings at 4-5 months did not suffer at all from lack of weight.
• 3 By the year the baby is absolutely ready to “move” to a separate room - the nursery. At the same time, we repeat: during the day, the mother (or both parents) can lie down, doze, and simply be in the same bed with the baby as much as she wants. Only the nighttime co-sleeping of parents and children is subject to doubts and expediency - when the older generation really needs proper rest.

Ultimately the choice is yours!

As sensible and loving parents, you should know: throughout the world, among specialists in raising and raising children, there is no unanimous assessment of the phenomenon of co-sleeping between parents and children. Some believe that this trend is useful and pleasant for all its participants, others passionately argue that there are many more problems (both psychological and physical) in a family where co-sleeping is practiced. Among them: children in the future are afraid to be left alone, they are not independent, they experience fear and phobias, they often show selfish tendencies, etc.

Despite what opinions and trends exist in modern pediatrics, you are free to do as you see fit. But in any case, this choice should be determined by the desire of both parents, and not be a concession on the part of the parents in favor of the children.

If all family members are truly comfortable, comfortable and happy for the children to stay in their parents’ bed at night, then sleep well with the whole crowd! But if at least one family member (for example, dad) experiences discomfort, stress, or just a banal desire to sleep separately from the children, this fact should under no circumstances be ignored.

Being a mom and dad is hard work: painstaking, exhausting and daily. The only time and space where parents have the opportunity to relax and recuperate is sleeping at night in their bed, in which only the two of them are present. If parents who voluntarily deprive themselves of this right - to proper rest and sleep - sacrifice themselves (ostensibly for the sake of their children), they are quite likely not acting wisely...

Because children cannot grow up happy and calm in a family where at least one of the parents constantly lives with a feeling of discomfort. But if, we repeat, both parents sincerely experience true pleasure and delight from the fact that the child is constantly in their bed, then for this family, co-sleeping with children is likely not only pleasant, but also useful.

So, how to teach a child to sleep separately from his parents? Experts offer several effective tactics to resolve this issue. In any case, the process should proceed gradually. The actions of adults will be determined by the characteristics of the baby and his age. It is believed that the best moment for such relocation is the so-called “crisis of independence”, which occurs at 2-3 years. After all, it is at this stage of development that the phrase “I myself” is increasingly heard from the child.

To wean or not to wean

Most mothers allow co-sleeping with their baby from the moment of birth, as this makes caring for him easier. A woman will not have to get out of bed several times a night - she can feed the baby lying next to her on demand.

Many people notice that the baby sleeps with his mother more calmly and longer. But, as time passes, the little man will still have to learn independence, including sleeping in his own crib. Then certain difficulties begin.

Adults should decide in advance for themselves the dilemma - to wean the child from this habit in the future, or simply not to accustom him to co-sleeping in the first place. Each of these paths is not easy and requires a serious investment of time and effort.

Advantages and disadvantages of co-sleeping

To decide, it is worth putting the child to bed with his parents in early age or not, you need to weigh all the advantages and disadvantages. The decision must be made individually.

The benefits of sleeping with your mother are:

• Simplifying control and care of the baby;
• At breastfeeding lactation is optimized due to regular emptying of the mammary glands;
• Close emotional contact between mother and child is maintained;
• The baby is more likely to calm down, feel safe, comfortable, calm;
• Both parent and child get good sleep.

Of course, the baby, who for nine long months before his birth felt his mother’s constant presence and heard her heartbeat, will feel comfortable in his parents’ bed. But along with many advantages, experts also name several disadvantages of co-sleeping, including:

• Risk of accidentally crushing the baby;
• Possible transmission of viruses and infections from adults to children;
• Defective sex life from parents, which has a bad effect on the relationship between spouses.

It is considered quite normal for a baby to stay in an adult bed at night. But for an over-aged child this is extremely undesirable. When is the best time to start weaning, and how to do it?

Moving to a crib

To teach a child to sleep independently, parents, along with thoughtful and consistent actions, will need a reserve of patience.

Child psychologists say that withdrawal is an individual procedure. If in one case the whims take only a few days, then in another the tantrums can last for weeks. One way or another, you should under no circumstances give in to provocations. As soon as the little man senses the weakness of the adults, he will begin to actively manipulate them and try to achieve what he wants through starvation.

The process must be gradual. At first, you can simply place the crib close to the mother’s sleeping place, even remove one of its walls. The baby will be in close proximity to his parents, but still in his place. After some time, a rearrangement is made in the room, the bed is moved to the far corner.

At this stage, adults will have to be patient when putting the baby down. You can sit with him until he falls asleep. When crying, it is only allowed to take the child in your arms for a while, talk to him, calm him down, but then put him back in the same place. Often, to complete the process, firmness and determination, calmness and prudence are needed.

How older child, the more difficult it is to wean him from his parents’ bed. The situation is further complicated if a younger family member is born, who is still allowed to sleep with adults, and the older one is excommunicated from such a privilege.

Moving a child into his own bed is a significant change in his life. It is recommended to start it when other difficulties, such as accustoming kindergarten, the appearance of a sister or brother, and others, are missing.

To simplify the long and difficult process, it is recommended:

• Ensuring comfortable sleep;
• Encouraging independence;
• Gradual resettlement;
• A conversation between a child and an authoritative relative or acquaintance;
• Quiet activities before bed;
• Transforming the move into a real holiday, event.

Of course, going to bed will be simplified by rituals and traditions. It is important to follow the usual sequence of actions.

Accustoming your baby to sleep separately is not easy, but with some persistence you can achieve desired result in a few weeks. You should not delay relocation - co-sleeping with a grown-up child over 4-5 years old has a negative impact on his mental development.

In any case, it is important to take into account the feelings of the little man in order to choose the appropriate tactics in weaning him from the shared bed. Then the process will go as quickly and comfortably as possible for each family member.