What to say to a friend in difficult times. What should you not say to someone who is experiencing grief? Phrases that make it clear that you care about a person

Nowadays, every person experiences many different emotions every day, among which you can find both positive and not so positive. Hysterics, nervous breakdowns, severe emotional states - all this negatively affects the health of our psyche and worsens the quality of life.

If you see that a loved one or another person you care about is in such a difficult state, it is important to know how to calm the person with your words and your actions. If we help others, then they may also provide invaluable help to us.

Types of emotional states

There are two main types of states in which a person can be if any problem arises - emotional stupor and hysteria. In this case, you should act completely differently.

• Hysteria in case nervous breakdown. In such a situation, you should somehow support the person, despite his screams and curses, try to calm him down and wait out this state for 10-15 minutes. The hysteria most often ends and turns into an emotional stupor.
• Emotional stupor. In this case, the situation also cannot be left to chance - a loved one or anyone else must be taken out of this state. You can shake them by the shoulders and take them outside to breathe. fresh air And so on.

In both cases, you should talk to the person softly, not raise your tone, and carefully touch on any topic that is sore for him. When the person finally comes to his senses, try to ask him about what happened, and if possible, offer your help. Remember, it is not enough to simply reassure a person with words, it is important that he feels supported as much as possible and can rely on you.

How to quickly calm down a loved one with words

If your significant other or close relative is depressed emotional state, his nerves are on edge, there is hysteria, you can try the following actions:

• Walk up to the person and give them a sincere hug.
• Reassure with words, say that everything will get better with time and everything will be fine.
• If strangers rarely explain the problem in detail, then you need to try to get your loved one to talk - he must emotionally relive the episode that contributed to the appearance of such a condition.
• During this time they may make themselves felt again negative emotions, so listen patiently to the other, do not raise your voice, but simply sympathize with him.
• Offer help - loved ones need it even more than other people. They want to feel that they are not alone in this world, that there is someone to support them.
• Offer your options for solving the problem, since from the outside it is much clearer what to do in this or that case.
• After your loved one has completely calmed down, distract him from unpleasant thoughts. This is not easy to do, but if desired, it is quite possible. You will go out to the river, into the forest, go somewhere - to the theater, cinema, entertainment complex, paintball, etc.

All these activities will help calm nervous man who is plagued by some problem.

What should you not do at such moments?

Never read to a person in such a state of morality!

• You can’t read “morals” to a person. This causes a feeling of guilt, the loved one withdraws even more into himself, his condition worsens, which can lead to prolonged depression with serious consequences.
• Never compare his problem with yours. He may think that you consider his trouble insignificant or, on the contrary, too serious. Try to put yourself in his position and simply analyze the situation.
• Emotions are transmitted, so try not to enter into their state when you reassure another person with words. This is fraught with aggravation of the situation.

Use these tips to calm your loved one or another person so they can gather their strength and begin to take constructive action to solve their problem.

Since childhood, the antagonism between life and death evokes in a person a whole palette of diverse emotions that cannot be explained. The feelings that people experience when they have lost their soul mate cannot be expressed in words. Depression and shock, stress and apathy for the future - grief cannot be gotten rid of overnight, but it can be shared with true friends.

At the moment of loss and separation, we become the most vulnerable, so the support of close friends and relatives is especially valuable. However, how exactly can you help in such a situation? How to comfort someone with words? What phrases will help you cope with loss?

Classification of stress: finding the right words for comfort

To answer the above questions, you need to consider options for the development of the situation. Traditionally, psychologists classify the state of a person experiencing the loss of a close friend or separation from a spouse into 4 stages:

Behavior: the duration of this phase ranges from 5 seconds to 2–3 weeks; a person refuses to believe in the events taking place, convinces himself of the opposite outcome; There is a lack of appetite and mobility in the grieving person.

Actions: do not leave the person alone with; share the bitterness of loss; try to distract the sufferer with light stories about a departed relative or friend; remember it in the past tense, programming your consciousness for the completion of the event.

Suffering.

Behavior: this time period lasts 6–7 weeks; during such a period, a person who is experiencing the death of a friend or relative is characterized by a lack of concentration and apathy towards the events taking place; during this period of disorder, people can visualize the “gone”; some experience intense feelings of guilt or fear, projecting impending loneliness.

Actions: do not be intrusive, let the person be alone with his own thoughts; if he wants to get angry or cry, then just don’t interfere; provide the grieving person with sufficient water; make sure he eats; invite him to take a walk, spend time outside.

Awareness.

Behavior: this condition begins in most people no earlier than a year later; attacks of panic and fear occur less frequently; sleep and appetite are restored; a person learns to plan the future taking into account past events; this phase is characterized by coming to terms with the loss of a soul mate.

Actions: at this stage there is no need to remind about the bitterness of loss; try to spend more time with the person, involving him in social spheres life.

Recovery.

Behavior: after completing the stage of accepting the situation that has happened, a person’s consciousness automatically “transitions” to the recovery phase; after 1–1.5 years, grief is replaced by a feeling of sadness, which accompanies life, but does not interfere with development in social activities.

Actions: during this time period, it is important to support the endeavors of a person who has experienced the bitterness of loss; point in the right direction; help implement plans; dream with him, designing a bright future today.

Using the tips above, you can properly support your loved one by choosing the right words. Don’t forget to project your recommendations onto the current situation so that, if necessary, you can promptly adjust the advice provided.

To support a person who is learning to live without a soulmate, it is important to follow simple rules that alleviate suffering:

Keep conversations about the departed person in a positive manner, but do not remember him yourself when starting a dialogue.
Don’t ask unnecessary questions so as not to accidentally “touch” a sore subject.
Listen carefully and do not interrupt the interlocutor who is experiencing the bitterness of loss.
Instead of “warm” phrases of support, it is enough to hug the person tightly, making him feel that he is not alone.
Do not compare the event that happened with other situations that happened earlier.
If a friend or relative experiences the betrayal of a spouse, then do not remember him, do not sharpen the “bare” consciousness, increasing anger and pain in the soul.
To contain your emotions without increasing your friend’s feelings, call rather than meet in person.
Before talking, project the situation that happened on yourself, understanding your friend or friend.
Don't take responsibility by giving useful tips– the recommendations are inappropriate, and you will remain to blame.
Offer help in the abstract, leaving the choice to the interlocutor.
Be patient - only time helps to cope with the pain of loss.

In answer to the question of how to comfort a person with words, psychologists agree that the traditional phrase is optimal: “I will always be there.” The main thing is to adhere to such a statement in practice.

Which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

• Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that is happening, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, problems with sleep.
• Suffering phase. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. Characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, memory and sleep disturbances. The person also experiences constant anxiety, a desire to be alone, and lethargy. Stomach pain and a feeling of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
• Acceptance phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. Characterized by restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan your activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but attacks occur less and less often.
• Recovery phase begins after a year and a half, grief gives way to sadness and a person begins to relate to the loss more calmly.

Is it necessary to console a person? Undoubtedly yes. If the victim is not given help, this can lead to infectious diseases, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as best you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that the person is not listening to you or is not paying attention, do not worry. The time will come when he will remember you with gratitude.

Should you console strangers? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person doesn’t push you away, doesn’t run away, doesn’t scream, then you’re doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do it.

Is there a difference in consoling people you know and people you don't know? Actually, no. The only difference is that you know one person more, another less. Once again, if you feel empowered, then help. Stay close, talk, involve general activities. Don't be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, let's consider methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

• Don't leave the person alone.
• Touch the victim unobtrusively. You can take your hand, put your hand on your shoulder, pat your loved ones on the head, or hug. Monitor the victim's reaction. Does he accept your touch or does he push away? If it pushes you away, don’t impose yourself, but don’t leave.
• Make sure that the person being consoled rests more and does not forget about meals.
• Keep the victim occupied with simple activities, such as some funeral work.
• Listen actively. A person may say strange things, repeat himself, lose the thread of the story, and keep returning to emotional experiences. Avoid advice and recommendations. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply talk through his experiences and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

• Talk about the past in the past tense.
• If you know the deceased, tell him something good about him.

You can't say:

• “You can’t recover from such a loss,” “Only time heals,” “You are strong, be strong.” These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
• “Everything is God’s will” (helps only deeply religious people), “I’m tired of it,” “He will be better there,” “Forget about it.” Such phrases can greatly hurt the victim, since they sound like a hint to reason with their feelings, not to experience them, or even completely forget about their grief.
• “You are young, beautiful, you will get married/have a child.” Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present, he has not yet recovered from it. And they tell him to dream.
• “If only the ambulance had arrived on time,” “If only the doctors had paid more attention to her,” “If only I hadn’t let him in.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any benefit. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only intensify the bitterness of loss.

Suffering phase

Your behavior:

• In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
• Let's give it to the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
• Organize for him physical activity. For example, take him for a walk, keep him busy physical work around the house.
• If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing so. Help him cry. Don't hold back your emotions - cry with him.
• If he shows anger, don’t interfere.

Your words:

How to comfort a person: the right words

• If your ward wants to talk about the deceased, bring the conversation to the area of ​​​​feelings: “You are very sad/lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell me how you feel.
• Tell me that this suffering will not last forever. And loss is not a punishment, but a part of life.
• Do not avoid talking about the deceased if there are people in the room who are extremely worried about this loss. Tactfully avoiding these topics hurts more than mentioning the tragedy.

You can't say:

• “Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything is over” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
• “And someone has it worse than you.” Such topics can help in situations of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare one person's grief with another's. Conversations that involve comparison can give the person the impression that you don't care about their feelings.

There is no point in telling the victim: “If you need help, contact/call me” or asking him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little, take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this has to be done by force. Don't be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass, and he will appreciate your help.

How to support someone if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn't answer, leave a message on his answering machine, write an SMS or an email. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the deceased from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person overcome grief is necessary, especially if this is a person close to you. In addition, this will help not only him to cope with the loss. If the loss also affected you, by helping another, you yourself will be able to survive the grief easier, with less losses for your own mental state. And this will also save you from feelings of guilt - you won’t reproach yourself for the fact that you could have helped, but didn’t, brushing aside other people’s troubles and problems.

Your acquaintance, friend or girlfriend has had a misfortune, you want to console her, support her, but you don’t know how to do it, what words should be spoken and what words should be avoided, today we will talk about how to console a person: the right words. Grief is a special human reaction that occurs as a result of some kind of loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

Four stages of grief:

The first stage is shock. It lasts for a few seconds and can last up to several weeks. Characteristic signs: insensibility, low mobility, too much activity, sleep problems, lack of appetite, loss of interest in life.

The second stage is suffering. Lasts from 5 to 8 weeks. Characteristic signs: lack of concentration, poor attention, sleep and memory disturbances. A person may experience lethargy, a desire to be alone, and may be haunted by a constant feeling of anxiety and fear. There may be sensations of pain in the stomach, as well as a coma in the throat or heaviness in the area chest. A person who experiences the death of a loved one or relative during this period may idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, experience rage, guilt, irritation or anger towards him.

The third stage is acceptance. As a rule, it ends after a year has passed since the death of a loved one. Characteristic signs: appetite is restored, sleep is restored, planning for future life. Sometimes a person continues to suffer, but attacks occur much less frequently.

The fourth stage is recovery. Basically, it begins after one or a year and a half, grief is replaced by sadness, the person begins to feel much calmer about the loss of a person.

Without a doubt, it is necessary to console a person in a state of grief! If he is not given proper help, then this could very well lead to heart failure. infectious diseases, to alcoholism, depression or accidents. Support and comfort your loved one, psychological help, V in this case, priceless! Communicate with him, even if the person does not pay attention, does not listen to you, do not worry, after a while he will thank you for your help.

As for people who are unfamiliar to you, here you need to rely on your own strength, if you feel a desire to help and moral strength - provide assistance, comfort the person. If he doesn’t push you away, scream or run away, then you’re doing everything right. So, how to console a person in the two most severe stages grief experiences:

Shock stage

Your behavior:

Casually touch the victim. Put your hand on your shoulder, take your hand, hug, stroke your head. Watch the person's reaction. If you are being pushed away, you shouldn’t impose yourself, but you shouldn’t leave either.
Do not leave the victim alone.
Keep the person busy with some easy work, for example, organizing a funeral.
Make sure that the victim eats and rests on time.
Listen actively. Ask questions. Help the person talk through their pain and experiences.

Comfort the person with the words:

If you know the deceased person, tell him something good about him.
Talk about the deceased in the past tense.

Never say:

“He’s worn out”, “He’ll be better there”, “For everything God's will", this phrase can help only strongly religious people.
“Time heals”, “Such a loss, it’s hard to recover from”, “You strong man“Be strong” - these phrases only increase loneliness and suffering.
“You are beautiful, young, you will give birth to a child/get married.” Such statements can cause irritation.
“If only the doctors had been more attentive”, “If only the ambulance had arrived faster.” These phrases are of no use, in fact, they are completely empty, they can only increase the bitterness of loss.

Stage of suffering

Your behavior:

Give the sufferer more fluids. He should drink about 2 liters during the day clean water.
At this stage, you can leave the person alone for a while.
Organize light physical activity (swimming, running in the morning).
If a person wants to cry, let him do it. Don’t hold back your own emotions - cry with him.
If the mourner shows anger, do not interfere.

Comfort the person with the words:

Talk about the deceased, try to bring the conversation to feelings: “You are very depressed,” “You are lonely.” Tell us about your experiences, how you feel.
Say that suffering is not eternal, the loss of a person is not a punishment for anything, it is certain part life.

Never say:

“Stop suffering”, “Stop shedding tears”, “Everything is in the past” - this is harmful and tactless for psychological health.
“Believe someone much worse than you.” Such phrases can only help in a situation of divorce, or in the death of a person; they have nothing to do with it and will not bring any benefit.

If a person is far away from you, call him, leave messages on his answering machine, write a letter using Email or send an SMS message. Express your condolences and share memories of the deceased.

It is imperative to help a person who is experiencing grief, especially if this is a person close enough to you. By helping the grieving person, you are helping yourself to cope with your own experiences on a psychological level, console the person with the right words, try to treat this approach delicately, not to say, something is wrong and not to harm the mourner.

In life we ​​often face various obstacles. This could be job loss, illness, death of a family member, financial troubles. At such a moment, it is difficult for a person to find the strength within himself and move on. He so needs support at this moment, a friendly shoulder, warm words. How to choose the right words of support that can really help a person in difficult times?

Expressions that should not be used

There are a number of common phrases that first come to mind when you need to support someone. It's better not to say these words:

1. Don't worry!

1. Everything will work out! Everything will be fine!

At a time when the world has collapsed, this sounds like a mockery. The man is faced with the fact that he does not know how to solve his problem. He needs to think about how to fix everything. He is not sure that the situation will turn out in his favor and he will be able to stay afloat. So, how will the empty statement that everything will work out help? Such words sound even more blasphemous if your friend has lost a loved one.

1. Do not Cry!

Tears are natural way the body cope with stress. You need to let the person cry, speak out, and give free rein to their emotions. He will feel better. Just hug and be close.

1. There is no need to give examples of people who are even worse off

A person who has lost his job and has nothing to feed his family does not care at all that children are starving somewhere in Africa. Anyone who has just learned of a serious diagnosis is not very interested in cancer mortality statistics. You should also not give examples that relate to mutual friends.

When trying to support a loved one, remember that this moment he is morally depressed by his problem. You need to carefully select your expressions so as not to accidentally offend or touch on a sore subject. Let's figure out how to support a person.

Words that will help you survive the turning point

When our loved ones find themselves in difficult situations, we are lost and often do not know how to behave. But words spoken at the right moment can inspire, console, and restore faith in oneself. The following phrases will help you feel your support:

1. We will get through this together.

In difficult times, it is important to know that you are not alone. Let your loved one feel that you are not indifferent to his grief and that you are ready to share all the difficulties with him.

1. I understand how you feel.

When you are in trouble, it is important to be heard. It's good to have someone nearby who understands you. If you have found yourself in a similar situation, tell us about it. Share your thoughts and emotions at that moment. But there is no need to tell how you heroically dealt with the situation. Just let them know that you have been in your friend’s shoes. But you survived it and he will cope too.

1. Time will pass and it will become easier.

Indeed, this is a fact. We no longer even remember many of the troubles in life that happened to us a year or two ago. All troubles remain in the past. Sooner or later we find a replacement for a betrayed friend or unhappy love. Financial problems are also gradually being resolved. You can find a new job, pay off a loan, cure an illness or alleviate its symptoms. Even sadness from the death of a loved one passes over time. It is important to survive the moment of shock and move on.

1. You've been in worse situations. And nothing, you did it!

Surely your friend has already faced obstacles in life and found a way out of them. Remind him that he is a strong, courageous person and is capable of solving any problem. Cheer him up. Show him that he can survive this difficult moment with dignity.

1. It's not your fault what happened.

The feeling of guilt for what happened is the first thing that prevents you from looking at the situation soberly. Make it clear to a loved one, that this is how the circumstances developed and anyone else could have been in his place. There is no point in looking for those responsible for the trouble; you need to try to solve the problem.

1. Is there anything I can do for you?

Perhaps your friend needs help, but doesn't know who to turn to. Or he doesn't feel comfortable saying it. Take the initiative.

1. Tell him that you admire his endurance and fortitude.

When a person is morally depressed by difficult circumstances, such words inspire. They are able to restore a person’s faith in their own strength.

1. Don't worry, I'll be right there!

These are the most important words that each of us wants to hear at a turning point. Everyone needs someone close and understanding nearby. Don't leave your loved one alone!

Help your friend approach the situation with humor. Every drama has a little comedy. Defuse the situation. Laugh together at the girl who dumped him, or at the pompous director who fired him from his job. This will allow you to look at the situation in a more optimistic light. After all, everything can be solved and corrected while we are alive.

The best support is to be there

The main thing we say is not with words, but with our actions. A sincere hug, a timely handkerchief or napkin, or a glass of water can say more than you think.

Transfer some of the household issues to yourself. Provide all possible assistance. After all, at the moment of shock, a person is not even able to cook dinner, go to the store for groceries, pick up children from kindergarten. If your friend has lost a family member, help with funeral arrangements. Make the necessary arrangements and just be there.

Gently shift the person's attention to something mundane that is not related to their grief. Keep him busy with something. Invite to the cinema, order pizza. Find a reason to get outside and take a walk.

Sometimes silence is better than any, even the most sincere words. Listen to your friend, let him speak out, express his emotions. Let him talk about his pain, about how confused and depressed he is. Don't interrupt him. Let him say his problem out loud as many times as necessary. This will help you look at the situation from the outside and see solutions. And you just be close to your loved one in a difficult moment for him.

Olga, St. Petersburg