It is difficult to overestimate the importance of sleep, especially for small child. After all, our mothers and grandmothers also said that a person grows in a dream, so from the moment the baby is born, young parents are faced with the question: how to help their child fall asleep?
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Before three months babies sleep on average 15 hours a day, but despite this amount of time, parents do not get enough sleep, because the baby can cry out to loved ones every 2 hours, and even if he really wants to sleep, it is difficult for him to fall asleep without his mother. It is important to create conditions for your baby in which he can fall asleep quickly and soundly.
Restless sleep or lack thereof can negatively affect your baby. He will become irritable and whiny. It’s good if the baby gets enough sleep the next day, but this doesn’t always happen. The toddler needs a calm night sleep, because it is precisely such rest that ensures optimal growth, physical and mental development. And the baby’s insomnia also affects the parents. Sleep disturbance in a baby can turn any loving parent into an exhausted ghost, because without normal sleep a person cannot function and adequately respond to the surrounding reality.
But what to do if the baby has a hard time going to sleep, often wakes up and cries at night? First, you need to exclude everything physical factors. The child must be dry, clean and, of course, well-fed. This is the first pledge good night. Secondly, it is worth checking whether the clothes are comfortable: a suit may look beautiful, but at the same time put pressure on the baby in the neck area, causing him anxiety. It is recommended to monitor your toddler’s reaction to washing powder, diapers, baby cream and other hygiene items. Even the most popular powder or soap recommended by a friend can be negatively perceived by your baby. After all, what suits Vanya doesn’t always suit Kolya. Allergies will cause discomfort to the baby and cause insomnia.
Our following tips will help your baby fall asleep faster and rest peacefully:
1 Compliance with certain rituals will gradually accustom the little one to the fact that he is being prepared for bed. Give your baby a bath, perhaps with a few drops of aromatic oil added. Warm water will relax your muscles, and the pleasant smell will soothe you. Afterwards, read him stories or sing a lullaby. Such a daily ritual will help the baby understand that night is coming - sleep time.
2 In order to fall asleep, twilight is necessary. This also applies to adults. At night, the human body produces the hormone melatonin, which helps you fall asleep. Therefore, the bedroom should have thick curtains that will provide a pleasant darkness and will not allow light from street lamps to enter the room. At the same time, you can leave the night light on so that the baby, waking up in the middle of the night, is not afraid of the dark.
3 The room should be at the optimal temperature. Kids don't like it when it's too stuffy or cold. If the baby feels the heat, he will begin to sweat, his breathing will become difficult, and this can cause heat rash or hives. At the same time, if the temperature is too low, hypothermia will occur, which can lead to colds. A comfortable temperature for the baby is 18-22 degrees.
4 Let your baby sleep with his favorite toy. Usually children prefer teddy bears or hares. Some people are afraid of the dark, so having a soft friend nearby can help calm them down and make them feel safe. In addition, stores sell special sleep toys that make sounds that imitate, for example, the beating of a mother’s heart or the rustle of rain. This toy will easily lull a baby to sleep.
5 About an hour before going to bed, you need to create a calm atmosphere in the house. If older children are playing, you need to ask them not to make noise. It is necessary to exclude loud sounds, watching TV, it is advisable not to go to visit or gather a noisy company at home. The abundance of strangers, each of whom strives to carry the baby in their arms, will cause an excess of emotions in the baby, which means that no one will get enough sleep at night.
So, 5 components good sleep:
- observance of rituals;
- pleasant darkness in the bedroom;
- optimal temperature;
- favorite toy nearby;
- calm atmosphere at home.
Do you have many questions about the health and development of your newborn? Our experts will answer all mothers’ questions in the “Mom Programs” video courses. “He refuses to go to bed,” “He’s capricious, cries, says he wants to play,” “Demands to eat or drink so as not to go to bed,” “Every time the process of going to bed ends in hysterics,” parents note. Why is this happening? What prevents a child from adjusting to sleep and how they can help caring parents?
✅ Why don't children like to sleep?
Where does a child's reluctance to go to sleep come from? American psychologist Alan Fromm offers the following classification of causes:
1. For a child, going to bed means parting with some interesting activity or leaving a pleasant company (for example, working mom and dad).
2. Children know that adults don’t go to bed yet, and therefore they think that we allow ourselves something that they are not allowed to do.
3. It often happens that children are not tired yet.
4. Sometimes children are afraid of the dark.
5. Perhaps the child had terrible dreams, and because of this there was some aversion to sleep.
6. It is possible that by persuading the child to sleep, adults spoiled him too much, and now this serves as a good reason for manipulating parents.
✅ Signs of fatigue
It is very important to learn to notice the first signs of tiredness and tiredness; this will help redirect the child’s attention and prevent overstimulation before bedtime. This is not difficult to do. If you notice one or more of the following signs, your child most likely needs rest:
Unreasonable crying, whims;
The baby begins to rub his eyes and yawn;
Sucking a finger or rattle, fiddling with a button, sucking a lip;
Coordination of movements, especially of the hands, is impaired, the child drops toys and makes mistakes in the game;
Movements slow down, lethargy appears;
Aggressive actions unusual for a child occur: throwing or taking away toys, screaming, falling on the floor, etc.;
Excessive activity may occur that is unusual for a baby: running aimlessly, jumping, pushing.
As soon as you notice the appearance of these signs, it’s time to distract the child and put him in a sleepy mood.
✅ Getting ready for bed
Bedtime is good time to strengthen emotional intimacy with baby. May it be pleasant for both of you. Read a book to your baby, sing him a lullaby, give him a light massage, speak in a quiet and calm voice.
If your child is very emotional and active, use a short and simple phrase before bed, for example, “it's time for bed.” You may have to repeat it several times, but do it calmly, repeating it in a neutral tone, without switching to commands.
Give your child a toy “for good dreams.” This could be a small soft toy (bear, bunny, gnome, kitten, etc.). Tell your child that this toy will give him good and good dreams. Take this toy with you when you travel, it's an easy way to give your baby a sense of security no matter where he sleeps.
Let your child take an active part in getting ready for bed by choosing a story, pajamas or lullaby to listen to.
You can also use “ritual games” to prepare your child for bed.
✅ “Sleepy rituals”
It is often difficult for children to tear themselves away from their favorite game or watching TV when their parents start talking about how “it’s late and we should go to bed.” Therefore, you can use so-called “sleeping rituals”. On the one hand, they will calm the child’s nervous system, on the other hand, they will make the process of going to bed pleasant. These are calm games and activities that should be done daily, start at the same time whenever possible and take no more than 30 minutes.
It is important to choose calm games to avoid emotional overstimulation. For a baby, it can be the same lullaby at night. For children from one to three years old, special games can be used.
✔ For example, the game “Bear” (E.V. Larechina). The adult shows the movements, and the child repeats after him.
A clubfooted bear is walking through the forest.
He collects cones and sings songs. (Show Mishka walking through the forest.)
Suddenly a cone fell, right on Mishka’s forehead. ( Right hand touch your forehead.)
The bear got angry and stomped his foot. (Stamp your foot on the floor.)
I won't collect pine cones anymore. (“Shak” with your finger.)
I'll get in the car and go to bed. (Join your palms and place them on your cheek.)
✔ Game “Bunny” (L.A. Buldakova).
A pen - plop, another plop! Poor things, they fell. (Alternately drop one handle, then the other.)
It’s like strings are hanging, just like me, I’m tired. (Easy to shake hands, tired expression on face, lethargic expression on whole body.)
Again the bunny jumps and hops and walks along the path. (Walk slowly across the floor.)
Together with him we will relax and rinse our feet. (Shake your right leg, then your left leg.)
We worked so hard with the bunny that we ourselves were tired.
Now let's go and rest on mom's lap. (Place the child on your lap and hug).
After such games, you can start cleaning up toys, turning this process into a ritual game. You can say: “The toys are tired and want to sleep, we need to help them find their home.”
While getting ready for bed, praise your baby for understanding that he needs to sleep, put away toys, etc.
For older children, reading books together or having a quiet conversation before bed is suitable. You can tell an “imaginary” story, giving the opportunity to dream a little. Talk about some special place that is familiar to the child, for example, a garden, clearing or forest. Describe this place slowly, in a quiet and calm voice. Ask your child to close his eyes and try to imagine what you will talk about. Talk about friendly animals good people or sages. When the child grows up, he will be able to continue the story himself.
After finishing the ritual, calmly and firmly wish the child Good night and leave the room.
Also try to maintain bedtime routines and times during travel, holidays, and when your child is sick. Children find it difficult to return to established routines once they have been disrupted.
✔ Games with water
Ritual games before bed can also be games with water. Water has a positive effect on emotional condition child. When the child comes into contact with water, he receives a pleasant sensation. Many parents notice that when playing with water, children calm down and stop being capricious. The sounds of flowing water have a beneficial effect, and playing with water relieves emotional stress.
The following games can be used:
✔ Game “Pour it over”. For this game you will need several glasses and deep plates. Show your child how to scoop water and pour it from one container to another. You can pour water into bowls from a small watering can and then feed the animals. Such games also develop the child’s coordination and perseverance.
✔ Game “Catch a piece of ice”. Place a few ice cubes in a bowl of warm water and invite your child to catch them.
✔ Game “Catch the toys”. Encourage your child to throw toys into the water and then catch them different ways: with two fingers or using a sieve.
✔ Game "Water Mill". Place the water mill in a bowl and show how to pour water onto the mill blades to make them spin. Have your child place a bowl under the mill so that water gets in.
✅ Night awakenings
All children may have night terrors and nightmares from time to time. Night terrors can even disturb one year old baby. The reason for this is vivid emotional impressions, to which children are susceptible just like adults. If your child screams or cries in the middle of the night, lie down next to him, hug him and hold him close to you. Night terrors usually go away over time.
Nightmares rarely plague a child under three years of age. They differ from fears in that the child remembers the content of a nightmare. Pay attention to the content of cartoons, fairy tales and computer games. Avoid overload and overwork by following a daily routine.
If your child has a nightmare, don’t be afraid to talk about it, don’t blame your child for making it all up. On the contrary, ask to tell your dream or draw it, let the child release the tension.
If nightmares are regular, consult a psychologist and neurologist.
✅ How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own?
It is better to start teaching your child to fall asleep on his own in infancy. Sometimes put your baby in the crib while he is still awake and let him try to fall asleep on his own. At night, try not to take your child into your bed, but if necessary, approach him yourself.
After putting your child to bed, leave the room. If the child jumps up, put him down again and say, “It’s time to go to bed.” If after you leave the child gets up and starts crying, put him down again, repeating the phrase: “It's time to go to bed.” Don't let your child seek entertainment in your company.
You can sit with your child until he falls asleep, but increase the distance each evening by moving further and further away. For example, on the first evening you sit on the bed, on the second - on a chair next to the bed, on the third - on a chair at the end of the room, etc. Finally, you find yourself in the doorway, then in the next room.
Try putting your child to bed later than usual to help him fall asleep faster, but gradually move his bedtime 15 minutes earlier each evening until you reach an acceptable bedtime.
So, to help your child fall asleep, you can use the following techniques:
Set a bedtime and try to stick to it. Note signs of fatigue; if you miss this moment, the child will become overexcited and will have to be calmed down.
Set a bedtime routine. Let this ritual be short - no more than 30 minutes. You can feed the baby, then read a story or sing a song, change the baby, then rock or massage.
Choose 1-2 games that your baby will like, they will be ritual games before bed.
You can give a soft toy that the child associates with sleep.
During the evening toilet, give your child the opportunity to play with water.
Good dreams to you and your baby!
Peaceful sleep is real headache Parents Since a month ago, mothers have been complaining that it is simply impossible to put the baby to sleep. Constant getting up, tears, laughter are the daily components of putting children to bed.
Especially for parents who cannot put their children to sleep, the BOMBORA publishing house has released the book “Go to Sleep, Baby! 9 steps to healthy and restful sleep for your child" practical advice about how to improve the sleep of children from birth to 5 years.
Its author is a popular blogger, founder of the School of Motherhood and sleep consultant Maria Aleshkina.
The NNmama.Ru website has collected the main points that need to be taken into account when you are preparing your baby for bed - what smart devices are there for baby sleep, what to dress the baby in, is a special sleepy toy needed and when is the best time to give it to the baby? The author of the book will tell you about this.
The children's goods industry today offers a huge selection of accessories for a cozy child's sleep. Depending on how your child sleeps, you may need certain items. Usually, mothers easily fall for marketing hooks and buy a lot of necessary and unnecessary devices. I will only list what you might really need.
Inserts for baby sleep
The idea of the inserts is for your child to fall asleep next to you, but on their own, separate surface. This way, you won't have to reposition it, which is one of the main reasons why your baby will wake up.Cocoon
Supports the baby's physiological posture and relieves colic (according to manufacturers and some mothers). In someone’s home, a cocoon becomes a salvation and an indispensable accessory in which the baby calmly spends most of his time, but for others it is a useless acquisition (well, the child doesn’t lie in it, and that’s all!). Please note that sleeping in a cocoon is only possible under adult supervision, so you should not put your child in it at night. A cocoon is a rather massive thing compared to a child. If at night the cocoon with the baby accidentally turns over or falls on its side, the child will not have enough strength to push off, throw it off and breathe freely.
For the same reason, you cannot use a cocoon after the baby is 4 months old. When children already know how to roll over, they can involuntarily turn themselves over with the cocoon and remain in such an unsafe position. After all, they still cannot turn back.
Nest mattress
It gently limits the baby's space, creates the necessary closeness and comfort in which little children fall asleep well. The nest mattress can be used as an insert in a child's bed. In it, it is easy to rock the child in your arms and carefully move him to where he will sleep all night.
Will a swaddle, changing bag, sleeping bag and blanket help with baby's sleep?
Often the baby disturbs himself with involuntary movements. He may accidentally scratch himself or hit himself in the face. This, of course, interrupts him sweet Dreams. Few people like to be spanked on the head in their sleep. Diapers, envelopes with zippers and Velcro help to quickly and securely fix the baby's arms and legs so that he does not wake himself up.If full swaddling is suitable for babies up to 4 months (until they begin to roll over), then a sleeping bag is also used for older babies to limit their movements during sleep. It can replace a blanket for up to 10-12 months.
It is not recommended to use the blanket for up to a year. The child may often open up, wake up and be capricious because of this. He may also accidentally cover his head with the blanket or become entangled in it, which is very unsafe.
Do you need a night light in a children's room?
Helps parents navigate the room and dims the lighting when preparing for bed. The child does not need a night light while sleeping! It is a myth that children are afraid to sleep or wake up in the dark. Fear of the dark arises either from parental anxiety or from specific events associated with it. And in general, it can appear only after 3-4 years, when the child already communicates more with other adults and children, faces new impressions and problems, and is left alone with them in the dark. The second peak of fear of the dark may occur around 5 years of age, when the imagination is actively developing and the child cannot always distinguish invented images from reality.If you need to leave the night light in the room where the baby sleeps, then set the brightness to minimum. Choose the dimmest night lights with warm light or darken the lampshade.
Sleepy toy - a mother's salvation when putting her baby to bed
Acts as a sleep association and helps the child understand that he will sleep here and now. You can take the toy with you on the go and use it when learning to sleep in your own bed. However, a sleepy toy does not become such on its own. It should be given only for sleep, and not for playing while awake. Explain to your child that his teddy bear or bunny “lives” only in the bed.Please note that a sleepy toy can only be given to a child from 6 months! Until this age, it not only makes no sense, but also serves as a source of danger. Make sure that the toy does not have long laces, ribbons or strings, fur elements or small parts that can be bitten off or torn off (plastic eyes, ears, buttons).
A sleepy bunny does not need any rustling or sound-making elements. The toy should be small and made of natural materials.
Modern gadgets for a restful sleep and getting children to fall asleep quickly
It’s the 21st century and technology has already reached children’s cradles. Modern parents install climate centers, video surveillance systems, “smart” curtains, and “smart” lights at home. A radio or video baby monitor is as common a household appliance as an iron. It allows you to move freely around the apartment or house, keeping your finger on the pulse of children's sleep.Programmers developed, and mothers bought and installed dozens of applications on smartphones and tablets. Sleep diary, sleep analyzer, White noise, lullabies, calm music, smart alarm clock and other programs. They make life with a baby easier.
But don’t forget about the safety of using additional devices near sleeping children!
What is useful and what is not is up to you to decide. But what you definitely don’t need to buy and use is a pillow for newborns, a heated blanket, or a crib canopy. No matter how orthopedic and useful, according to the seller, the pillow is, pediatricians do not recommend its use for up to a year, and some for up to two. A heated blanket is an additional risk factor for the child and no benefit. And the canopies only look beautiful and rich, but in fact they are a banal dust collector. In a word, do not fall for the tricks of sellers. Keep a cool mind, no matter how colorful the windows of children's stores beckon.
What clothes to choose for a comfortable child's sleep?
Children may prefer completely different variants sleepwear. Some are more comfortable in warm pajamas, others desperately protest against trousers and sleeves. If older children are already talking about their requirements for bedding, then you need to carefully monitor the kids.You remember that the optimal temperature in the nursery is 18-22 °C. Based on this, you need to choose clothes for your child. It is also worth considering that a baby’s thermoregulation differs from that of an adult. As we have already said, the quality and duration of sleep are equally affected by both hypothermia and overheating. Therefore, it is important to find a middle ground - not to overdo it with woolen blankets and caps, but also not to put the baby in one diaper. Please note that during sleep, heat exchange changes and to regulate the temperature it is better to use not an extra layer of clothing, but a blanket or sleeping bag.
Children's sleepwear should be:
- Made from high quality natural material.
- Loose, without tight elastic bands.
- In size, so that it does not gather in folds, which are uncomfortable to sleep on, and so that the child does not get tangled in the sleeves and legs.
- Without ties, laces, large bulky buttons, zippers.
- No labels and rough internal seams, and for newborns it is better to choose clothes with external seams.
- Convenient for changing clothes at night.
- Pleasant for the child. Older children may choose their favorite pajamas and refuse to sleep in anything other than them.
- Selected according to the weather, if the child sleeps outside or on the balcony in a stroller.
Sleep is more important to a child's health than diet and exercise. As bedtime approaches, routine routines will help your baby relax and promote healthy rest. How can you help your child fall asleep? Try one of the treatments below to help your baby can fall asleep faster.
1. Chamomile tea
Chamomile has calming properties and is beneficial for children. Beneficial features natural chamomile tea (from fresh or dried chamomile flowers), brewed in hot water. This tea can be drunk hot or chilled. A child may like the taste of chamomile if it is sweetened a little with honey. Since chamomile is medicine, be careful in choosing the dose. A child aged 2-6 years can be given a quarter cup, children 6-12 years old - half a cup. Teenagers over 12 years old can drink a cup of chamomile tea. Give tea 1 hour before bedtime for a calming effect.
2. Lavender oil
Lavender oil bath – wonderful remedy for relaxing at the end of the day and getting your baby ready for bed. The active ingredient in lavender oil is ketone, promotes good sleep. Add a few drops, preferably organic lavender oil, to a hot bath. Even by inhaling the vapors of lavender oil, you will feel the effect. You can also spritz a drop or two of lavender oil on your baby's pillow or favorite toy to help send your baby off to the land of sweet dreams.
3. Guided meditation
Guided Meditation – great way calm your baby down before bed. The easiest way to tell a story to your baby or play one already recorded on a disc. Search the Internet for the texts of fairy tales, mp3 music, and children's books. Children's meditations are suitable for children aged 5 years and older.
4. Muscle relaxation
There is a lot of literature about children's muscle relaxation. These techniques can be used for children who are already in bed. Tell him about different parts body, gently instructing it when to tense and when to relax. Start with your hands. Have your child clench his fist as hard as he can. Then tell him to relax his hand. Repeat the same exercise with your arms, legs, feet, first tensing them, then relaxing them. Praise your child for every exercise he does.
5. Cradle near your chest
You know, mother’s breasts are a real harmless sleeping pill. It is better when you sit comfortably in a chair with your little one in your arms, after the child has taken a bath. Warm water and mother's breasts and milk are relaxing. Even if you are not breastfeeding, still lull him to sleep this way.
6. Rock in a rocking chair
This method will make every adult, let alone a child, fall asleep. In addition, you need to appreciate such moments when you can be alone with your child, when he sleeps sweetly at your breast, because very soon he will become an adult and this time cannot be returned.
7. Pacifier
A pacifier is an imitation of mother's breast peeing, so many babies calm down when a pacifier is put in their mouth, because mother cannot always be nearby when the baby should be sleeping.
Start using these tools and techniques to improve your child's sleep quality and well-being.
- Do you want to sleep a little longer? The right sleep associations are your key to success.
- Older children can become unbearable if they are indulged too much, and a newborn cannot be spoiled.
- The path to better sleep (for everyone!) starts with understanding why babies need affection and care during the fourth trimester.
- Activating the amazing calming reflex will not be difficult after you master 5 special techniques (which include swaddling, side/stomach positioning, soothing with the sound “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” of rocking, sucking) and learn how to combine them.
- Does it make sense to build a baby's daily routine? Only if you are flexible!
- The birth of twins or a premature baby is special cases... but there are several ways that will help them sleep better.
Ticket to Dreamland
To exhausted new parents, a good night's sleep can feel like a mirage in the desert: seemingly there, but constantly slipping away. And it's crazy.
Babies sleep fitfully, their sleep is divided into such short periods that it is difficult for us to get a good night's sleep. And even if your baby sleeps for three hours, by the time you fall asleep yourself, you'll probably only have two left.
This schedule can be maintained for a few nights, but when weeks are counting, lack of sleep can lead to extreme fatigue and cause many serious problems- from family disputes to depression, car accidents and obesity.
Is there a solution?
Many experts tell new parents to just “wait it out” or “get over it.” But I've found that most babies - including newborns - can learn to sleep longer... and at a time that's more convenient for the rest of the family.
It sounds incredible, but even children who have just been brought home from the hospital can be taught to sleep. In fact, shaping a child's sleep is a fairly simple task... if you use the right sleep associations.
If you have practiced the Happiest Baby Method or watched the DVD of the same name, then you are already familiar with some of the techniques I suggest.
It all starts with the right associations
As I already said, each of us has some habits related to sleep. Personally, I hate the polyurethane foam pillows that most hotels offer to guests, but if I lie down on a good feather pillow - and listen to the rain pattering on the roof (a form of white noise) - I can sleep without hind legs. This is because we are all hostages of our habits.
Some parents worry that if they hug their baby affectionately or play white noise CDs, the baby may become addicted or develop “bad” habits. So what separates good sleep associations from bad sleep rituals?
It's simple: the right sleep attributes help your baby fall asleep quickly - and stay asleep longer - while being easy to use, requiring minimal effort on your part, and easy to wean off.
In turn, unsuccessful rituals can help the baby fall asleep, but at the same time they are inconvenient to use, require a lot of effort from you, and are difficult to wean from them.
For example, if your child needs thirty minutes of patting his bottom every time he wakes up, or he demands that his mother put him to bed (screams if dad tries to participate), I think everything is clear here: these are unsuccessful rituals .
In the first few months, the best associations for sleep can be considered sensations similar topics what the child experienced in the mother's belly. What is this feeling? To make sense of it all, let's take a trip back in time... to the week before your baby was born.
Is your pregnancy too short? Missing the fourth trimester
I know what you're thinking right now: “Are you kidding me? Too short?!” To many mothers last month pregnancy seems endless. Heartburn, swollen legs, stretch marks, a constant desire to go to the toilet - all this can overshadow the joy of expecting a baby.
But you couldn’t wait to finally hold your baby in your arms, and the child, if he had a choice, would definitely prefer to live inside you for a few more months.
Let me remind you: your baby’s brain became so large that you had to “evict” him after nine months, although the baby was still a very weak, wrinkled tiny person. As a result, he was not quite ready for this big to the evil world outside.
In three months, your baby will already be able to smile, “walk” and communicate with you (and the birds on the street). But in the first weeks you should perceive it as a fetus... outside the mother's womb.
In fact, grandmothers, nurses and nannies who know how to calm a child have one common talent: they masterfully recreate the conditions in which the baby was in the mother’s belly.
In order to play the role of this very belly well, you first need to know how it was there. Warm? Certainly. Dark? What the fetus actually sees is a muted red light as the sun's rays pass through the outer layers of belly skin and muscle. Calm and quiet? Not at all!
Before birth, the fetus experiences a whole range of rhythmic sensations: touching the soft, velvet walls of the uterus, constantly swaying, hearing loud whistling sounds - the pulsation of blood in the uterine arteries (by the way, the baby does not hear your heartbeat).
For centuries, smart mothers have known that a little rocking calms babies. And only recently we realized why simulating the conditions in which the baby was in the mother’s womb is so effective... It triggers the calming reflex!
Great American Myth: You Can Spoil a Baby
After a few months, the baby will begin to use crying for manipulation purposes. But for now, you just need to give him the confidence that you will come whenever he cries.
With your predictable support in these first months, your baby will learn to trust you and feel safe. And this trust will become a reliable foundation for all his relationships based on love for the rest of his life.
Don't be nervous if your child starts another tirade while you're on the phone. A minute of crying will not lead to mental trauma. But research shows that if your baby's cries are ignored regularly, it will actually become a real stressor for him, which will undermine his inner confidence in you. This confidence - experts call it attachment - is like the glue that holds good families together.
Think of it this way: if a person ignores your calls, you might try calling them again, but if you are regularly neglected, you will eventually give up trying to make contact. In the same way, a child whose smiles or coos go unanswered will at first be even more active in attracting attention to himself, but if even then he does not receive any reaction, he will soon stop reaching out to you and will feel rejected and lonely.
And if you satisfy the child’s needs - dozens of times a day - by picking him up or feeding him warm sweet milk, then he will think: “It’s so great here. When I need something, I get it right away... just some kind of magic! I can really trust these people."
In the period from nine months to a year there will be a need to teach the child acceptable standards and rules of conduct. (“Even if you cry for an hour... I still won’t give you the scissors!”) But right now, your baby doesn’t need discipline. He needs an unshakable belief that he is valued and respected, that he is protected. And this confidence is as important for his developing personality as milk is for a growing organism.
So be patient! Over the coming weeks and months, you will gently and unobtrusively show your baby that he is loved. You can start by using the right sleep associations, and also give your child the confidence that will help him sleep soundly and fall back to sleep after waking up suddenly. And if you move in small baby steps, without stress, then his faith in you will only strengthen.
Combining techniques: creating a falling asleep ritual for your baby
With the help of 5 special techniques that you are now armed with, you can trigger the calming reflex anywhere and at any time so that the baby stops crying and falls asleep as quickly as possible. Now it’s time to put together all the information received and understand how to help your child at each specific stage of the first months of life.
Calming the baby in the first days
In the first week or two, most babies need swaddling and sucking for comfort. But after you return home from the hospital, I recommend that you also add white noise. Do not forget that silence seems strange and unusual to the baby, because before birth, children hear loud whistling sounds around the clock.
Adding special moves Over the next three months
After a few weeks, in addition to swaddling, white noise and sucking (you can now give your baby a pacifier), your baby may need to be rocked to sleep. Ask your pediatrician if it is okay to put him in a swing with horizontal position backrests (Remember to follow the safe swing tips above.)
As you add sleep techniques to help your baby sleep, don't worry about how you'll wean him off them when he's older and able to self-soothe.
Experiment a little and evaluate which combination of special techniques is most effective in your case. (Trust me... your child will let you know!) Below is a diagram showing general outline this approach is outlined.
How to calm a very fussy child: take it Higher
Quiet whispering and gentle rocking are ideal for calm children. But in order to help a capricious child calm down and fall asleep, you need to make more efforts. This statement seems like absurd advice to add one more a raw egg into the finished cake mix... however, it is absolutely true!
Trying to turn on the calming reflex is comparable to trying to attract someone's attention. If a person is having a heated argument with someone, you may have to tap their shoulder a few times—quite hard—to get a reaction from them.
This is why the sounds of a vacuum cleaner and car rides on bumpy roads help children calm down. And it is for this reason that, in order to calm a screaming child who loves movement, it is necessary to use a swing for newborns and turn on the fast mode with a small swing amplitude.
Technical Support: What to do if 5 Special Moves Don't Work
Of course, every child is different, and no tool will be effective 100% of the time. But my experience suggests that if everything is done correctly, then in more than 90% of cases 5 special techniques help calm crying baby and improve your sleep.
If you use the 5 special techniques and your baby still cries, first, make sure you are performing each technique correctly (talk to your Happiest Baby instructor or watch the appropriate video lesson again). But, if you are sure that you are doing everything as recommended, you should contact your doctor to find out if your child has any health problems (for example, food allergies or ear infection).
Dads: Kings of Comfort
Moms and dads rely on different skills to care for their babies. Men aren't very good at breastfeeding, but we are great at swaddling and soothing babies. Swaddling for us is akin to an engineering problem.
Energy is another feature that makes dads cope so well with capricious babies. If mothers prefer gentle hugs with the baby, then fathers are more likely to rock him. Moms like quiet singing and gentle rocking, while dads say “sh-sh-sh” low and loud and masterfully rock their babies until they find the right tempo and activate the calming reflex.
And when we really do well, we are very proud of our skills... and we rush to meet the needs of our babies at the first opportunity!
“The Happiest Baby” Method
INSANELY INTELLIGENT METHOD: “WAKE UP TO SLEEP”
Now I would like to voice one of the main proposals from the “Happiest Baby” method. Once you start reading, you'll probably think I'm crazy. But do yourself a favor and read to the end. This method is extremely important and works for all family members without exception. It's called "Wake Up to Sleep."
Many experts argue that mothers who rock or feed their children to sleep are dooming themselves to torment. They warn that these children will not learn to calm down on their own and will scream every time they wake up, calling for help from their mother.
This warning may seem reasonable, because in this way parents become terribly dependent!
Yes, if you rock or feed your baby every night, it will actually create a habit and your baby will expect (and demand) a certain action from you every time he wakes up. But, to be honest, it’s impossible to keep your baby from falling asleep when he’s snuggled up in your arms, pressed against your body, and his tummy is full of warm, sweet milk.
Moreover, it is completely wrong to tell parents and caregivers that children should not be held to fall asleep. There is nothing more beautiful than rocking your sleeping treasure in your arms! By doing this, you are not spoiling the child, but assuring him that you love him and he can rely on you. Therefore, hug and carry your baby in your arms as much as you want; when this period of sacred intimacy is over, you will look back on it with nostalgia.
But there's one problem: if you regularly rock and feed your baby to sleep, you're actually depriving him of the opportunity to learn to calm down on his own.
Confused, right? So what should parents do? Luckily, there is a simple solution to this puzzle!
Here's what to do when you get ready to put your baby to bed at night:
- Turn on white noise (the volume should be equal to the sound of water flowing in the shower).
- Feed your baby well, while gently holding him close and rocking him.
- After feeding, swaddle him and rock him as much as you want.
Once your baby is in his crib, wrapped in a swaddle, with white noise on, you need to gently stir him (or tickle his heel) to wake him up.
After feeding, babies usually act as if they are drunk on milk. So when we wake them up, they open their eyes for a few seconds and then they just go back to dreamland.
However, if the baby cries when you wake him up, pat him on the back (like a tom-tom) or rock the crib for half a minute with quick movements with an amplitude of a couple of centimeters so that the calming reflex turns on again. If your baby continues to fuss, pick him up to calm him down... but be sure to wake him up again after you put him down.
Most likely, you are now thinking: “Are you crazy? I won’t wake up a sleeping child!” But this is one of the most important advice which I can give you!
These few seconds of half-asleep wakefulness are necessary for the baby to learn to calm down on his own. Start doing this now, and I promise that in a few weeks you will be handsomely rewarded: after waking up, your little friend will be much better able to fall asleep on his own (unless he is hungry or in discomfort).
Training in the “Happiest Baby” technique in courses
Thousands of Happiest Baby instructors teach the 5 special techniques in hospitals, clinics, and military bases throughout the United States and many other countries.
Two Arizona surveys found that before taking Happiest Baby courses, 40% of pregnant couples were extremely unsure of their ability to calm a screaming baby. But after classes, this number dropped to 1%!
Specialists work in courses and programs that include home visits. In this way, they can bring the benefits of special methods to all parents - from wealthy suburban families to incarcerated mothers, teenage fathers and parents who are struggling with the stress of having a premature baby, adopting or fostering a newborn.
Regime - to be or not to be...
Once your baby is a month old, you may find it helpful to get your life a little more organized. I'm talking about creating a flexible daily routine, especially if you have certain difficulties (in cases where you had twins or triplets, have older children, have chronic illness, you need to take care of your parents, you work outside the home, you are a single mother, etc.).
Some doctors recommend building a child’s routine in a strict sequence of “eating, playing, sleeping.” They proceed from the premise that it is necessary to wean the child from the habit of eating before falling asleep (and they hope that if they separate food and sleep, this will help the child fall asleep without feeding if he wakes up at 2 am).
This seems logical... but in reality it goes against a child's nature.
Babies often fall asleep after feeding, no matter how much you disturb them or play with them. In addition, if your baby is fed enough before going to bed, he will definitely sleep longer.
I think flexible hours make a lot more sense. Eg:
- After one and a half to two hours of daytime wakefulness, feed your baby and then put him to bed (your goal is to put your baby to bed before he begins to show signs of fatigue, such as yawning);
- If naps last more than two hours, wake your child. (If your baby takes long naps during the day, this will cause him to eat less during the day... which means he'll be hungrier at night.)
The main thing about this schedule is its flexibility. If you plan to put your child to bed at one o'clock in the afternoon, but at 12:30 it seems to you that the baby is tired, change the “rules” - nothing bad will happen. Just feed him and put him to bed early (don't forget to swaddle him and turn on white noise). And if he falls asleep in your arms, put him in his crib and gently stir him until his eyes open... then let him fall asleep again (the "Wake to Sleep" technique).
If you are concerned that your baby is sleeping too much and you are unsure whether this is normal or not, check out the sample sleep-wake schedules provided at the end of the book.
Don't miss a beat: Put your baby to bed before he gets tired
Most people believe that a child is ready to sleep when his eyes close and his head leans on his mother or father's shoulder. In fact, this condition indicates that the child is already very tired.
Many children can sleep anywhere and at any time. But a child with a violent temperament or one who has poor control over his condition is at particular risk. The accumulated fatigue can suddenly throw him off balance, and he turns from happy active child into the unhappy and tired so quickly that you won’t even have time to blink an eye.
So, if your well-meaning neighbor tells you not to let your tired baby rest during the day so he can sleep better at night, don't do it! This strategy may be effective for an adult, but it works differently for young children and usually results in unpleasant consequences, only exacerbating difficulties with falling asleep... and staying asleep. In his book " Healthy sleep- a happy baby" (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby) Dr. Mark Weissblut, a sleep specialist, writes that "sleep begets sleep." He's right... and this is why experienced parents put their children to bed before they become overtired. As shown in the chart for two-month-old babies (see "Sample Sleep Charts"), in these early months, it is best for you to put your baby to bed after an hour and a half to two hours of wakefulness, preferably at the moment - or before - you notice the first signs fatigue. So, tired child:
- becomes less active, smiles and chats less (and frowns more!);
- yawns;
- stares continuously at one point, blinks and rubs his eyes;
- shows more anxiety.
No need to give your child cappuccino before bed!
Even Roman women would never give their baby cappuccino. But you might accidentally do this if you're breastfeeding and drinking coffee yourself! Caffeine remains in your milk for twelve hours after you drink a cup of coffee. One study found that coffee doesn't cause any problems, but some moms swear it makes their babies horny for hours (caffeine lingers in a baby's bloodstream for half a day, or even a whole day!).
In addition to coffee, caffeine (and similar stimulants) is found in tea (both cold and hot), colas, diet pills, decongestants and decongestants, and some Chinese medicinal herbs and - alas! - in chocolate (especially dark... I'm really sorry!).
Twins - double the pleasure awaits you... if you manage to get some sleep
When I was a child, twins were very rare... but now sometimes it seems like everyone has them.
According to American government, currently about one in thirty births of twins is the highest rate in history. The rate of twin births increased by 70% between 1980 and 2004. And the rate of births of three or more children more than quadrupled between 1980 and 1998, but last years decreased by 24% compared to the maximum value reached in 1998.
Parents of twins are members of a special club. They have experience behind them that few can understand. Twins are great, especially once they get a little older and start playing with each other, but the first few months can be really hard.
Caring for them can be especially difficult if you have had to C-section or if the children were born weakened (more than 50% of twins are born ahead of schedule and have low birth weight).
As you can imagine, finding time to rest (and even go to the bathroom!) can be challenging during the first year. Rest is necessary in order to avoid depression, to which mothers of twins are more susceptible than others. (More on this below.)
However, Elizabeth Damato of Case Western Reserve University in Ohio found that in the first two months, mothers of twins sleep only 6.2 hours a night (and 6.9 hours a day). And their unhappy husbands - a measly 5.4 hours per night (and 5.8 hours per day)!
Here are a few ways to improve your little ones' sleep... and your own:
- Ask your pediatrician if you can use a swing with a flat back position to soothe one baby while you work on the other (put them both in the swing when you need to eat lunch).
- Swaddle children and play white noise during all naps and at night (and during periods of fussiness).
- Let your children have a flexible daily schedule. In the first month of life (age taking into account the term intrauterine development*) do not let them sleep during the day for more than two hours at a time, and at night wake them up and feed them every four. In the second month of life (age based on gestational age), you can allow babies to sleep at night without interruption for up to five or six hours, and then even longer.
- If your 2-month-old babies (age based on gestational age) still do not get four hours of continuous sleep at night, ask your doctor if you can leave them in a swing with the back rest securely in a horizontal position all night, securely wearing a seat belt.
- Feed your children before you put them to bed. If they fall asleep in your arms, use the Wake to Sleep method (see above).
- When you feed one baby, wake up the other one to feed. (If one of them is awake, swaddle the other one so he can start waking up too.) This will help establish a daily routine and give you a chance to get some sleep yourself.
- Sleep during the day whenever possible!
- Ask for help if you can get it! Family members, friends and babysitters can give you a little respite... so you don't break down.
- Because twins increased risk SIDS, follow safe sleep tips.
And one last thing. Many mothers are interested in how their twins should sleep: in one crib or in two separate ones.
In a study conducted by Durham University in England, sixty pairs of twins (0-5 months old) were filmed while they slept. At one month, 60% of them slept together; at three months, only 40%.
Worryingly, the twins, who were sleeping next to each other, would occasionally put their hands on each other's faces! This led to breathing problems (due to decreased oxygen supply) and the air-deprived twin would wake up and turn their face to the side or push the other's hand away. (Obviously they were not swaddled.)
So consult your doctor about this. But, if you're planning on putting your twins to sleep together in the first few months, learn how to swaddle them securely (it might be worth investing in special newborn envelopes that won't unfold!) and place them jack-assisted (see picture) And be sure to use the right white noise to children calmed down faster and fidgeted less.
At two or three months, it will be time to place the twins in two separate bassinets or two side-by-side cribs to prevent one baby from rolling over the other.
Premature babies: how to improve sleep in those born prematurely
If you have a premature baby, you may be in shock. These children look so tiny and vulnerable, and the department intensive care It's a pretty scary place for newborns.
Even when you finally bring your baby home, it doesn't get any easier. In the first weeks, premature babies usually wake up every three hours - and so on throughout the night. It may seem strange, but the darkness and silence of the home can be really unsettling for children accustomed to the light and noise of the NICU. For them this is dissonance.
Another oddity typical of such children is a sudden increase in anxiety. Typically, a premature baby will begin to cry louder within a week or two of being brought home. This is not because nurses and nannies are good at calming babies and you are not... The fact is that premature babies begin to behave like normal newborns only when they reach the age corresponding to the time when they were supposed to be born.
Fortunately, with 5 special techniques, you can give your baby everything he missed during the third trimester of pregnancy, plus give him the gift of calming techniques in the fourth trimester to keep your baby calm and happy.
Here are some additional tips to help you overcome the challenges of having a baby early:
- Throughout the day, latch your baby to your breast frequently, provide skin-to-skin contact, hold him close to your body, hold him in your arms and rock him to activate the calming reflex and relieve agitation caused by sharp sounds and the bustle of home.
- Swaddle your baby and play white noise during naps, naps, and during periods of fussiness.
- If your baby is still waking up every two to three hours, ask your doctor if he can sleep in a flat-back baby swing.
- If possible, sleep during the day yourself!
- Ask for help when you can get it!
- Protect your home from germs and diseases.
A short, tender, priceless period
This period in your life is one of the most stressful. But as you and your baby learn the ropes of life together, I want you to remember two things:
- This time doesn't last long! The next few months will fly by very quickly. Before you know it, you'll be sleeping through the night again.
- This time doesn't last long! Once this period is over, you will truly miss those tender moments when you held your treasure in your arms, pressed it to your heart and rubbed your nose against its soft head in the silence of the night.
So in these first months, use 5 special techniques... and enjoy every precious minute.
Cheat sheet “The Happiest Baby” Method
- The best effect on children is the right rumbling white noise. It is this noise that is the most accurate imitation of the sounds that the fetus hears in the mother’s womb. The right amount of white noise, played during naps and nights, is the key to improving your sleep from your first day of life to your first birthday... and beyond! Safe swaddling is the basis for a baby's peace of mind and good sleep. There are methods that allow you to continue swaddling even if your baby is already able to roll over on his tummy on his own!
- If your baby loves movement, use a newborn swing for a night's rest.
- Pacifiers are a great way to soothe your baby, but don't use them until a feeding routine has been established.
- You can teach a child to suck a pacifier by resorting to... reverse psychology.
- It is necessary to increase the intensity of actions to calm a very capricious baby.
- You might think it's crazy to wake your baby right after you put him in his crib, but the Wake to Sleep method will give you many hours of extra sleep by solving sleep problems before they start.
