Is there a place good people V modern world? Definitely yes. But it is one thing to be generous, to help and sympathize, and quite another to be excessively soft and weak-willed, which do not allow a person to protect boundaries, his own and those of loved ones. When the understanding comes that the situation needs to be changed, questions arise: “How to become tougher?” or “How to become strong?” How to strengthen character, but remain human? After all, we are not talking about how to be evil and cruel.

You will need:

Decide

Before you can develop a strong character, you need to clearly understand what pathological meekness leads to in your life. List, best out loud or in writing, exactly what consequences it leads to. For example: “Colleagues dump all the “dirty” work on me, I stay in the office until late”; “The neighbor, despite requests, continues to listen to hard rock until the morning - I don’t get enough sleep”; “The children don’t see me as an authority.”

Only by making a firm decision to change something can you achieve results. In addition, those around you will immediately feel your inner confidence. If a person himself does not understand why he needs to change and whether he wants it, any attempts to defend his territory look feigned, as if a bad actor is playing the role of Rambo.

It is optimal to enlist the support of people you trust: ask for feedback– find out exactly where, in the opinion of your loved ones, weakness is manifested, and make a promise to be stronger. It’s one thing to deceive yourself, and quite another to fall on your face in front of someone close.

Have someone to look up to

When changing your character, it is always useful to take note of the experience of the person you consider a standard. It could be one of the parents, a friend, a coach, or even a character from a movie - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that in a difficult situation you have the opportunity to ask yourself: “What would dad/Kolya/Ivan Petrovich/James Bond do?” Pay attention to the behavior, reactions, vocabulary and facial expressions of the characters you like.

You just need to remember that each character is a complex combination of different traits, and when trying to be like someone, it is important not to adopt all his shortcomings at the same time and not lose yourself.

Don't underestimate yourself, and don't overestimate yourself either.

Sometimes people are biased in assessing their ability to stand up for themselves and their loved ones. For example, a common fear among expectant mothers is the fear of not being able to defend the interests of their child in an unfair world. It’s amazing what kind of assertive tigresses these timid women sometimes turn into when the baby is born.

It also happens the other way around: it seems to a person that he is quite tough and successfully defends his boundaries. But there may be someone in his life who does not see these boundaries point blank. Usually this is someone whose attitude is very warm: a loved one, a parent, a child. Unconditional love is the best thing in the world; but manipulation good attitude and twisting ropes is a completely different matter.

Change gradually

To prevent others from thinking that you are not you at all, but your evil double from parallel space, you do not need to make sudden movements: today you are afraid to refuse even a spam letter, and tomorrow you are afraid to threaten an intrusive seller.

To develop strong character, you need to be consistent, but change gradually. Start with small things.

For example, if your boss is exploiting you, today you can gently explain to him that you cannot run to the store for an energy bar, tomorrow refuse to work at night, the day after tomorrow - late in the evening, in a week show strength of character by saying that you will not come to the office on Sunday, because you have other plans. And then the boss will let you go on vacation not in February, but at least in May.

Or vice versa: if an overly soft person magically takes the leadership position, his subordinates often push him around. To stop this, you need to act step by step: today, insist that the employee leave the social network and redo the work himself, and not be satisfied with the usual: “I tried my best!” Tomorrow, if caught in an irresponsible attitude, remind about disciplinary measures. And then, if this does not work, these measures may have to be applied.

Of course, everywhere you need to know when to stop and understand the price of the issue: if the boss is a tyrant, and this is the job you really need, it’s better to experiment with someone else. And return to your relationship with your boss, spreading your wings and gaining self-confidence.

Look at the faces

It is quite possible that not everyone can see a person as tougher.

• If the employees are “on their head”, but the family appreciates and supports, then there is no need to change in relation to the children and significant other.
• If one friend gets into the habit of regularly calling at night and asking you to pick him up drunk and without money from another bar, and the second one respects your time and nerves, it’s obvious which relationship needs “tuning.”
• If one neighbor considers it normal to borrow money and forget to pay it back, and the second is in a hurry to repay the debt as soon as he receives his salary, then there is no reason for an honest person to be held accountable for the disregard of a cunning person.

In a word, there is no need to cut everyone with the same brush.

Refusal is not an insult

The ability to calmly but firmly tell people “no” is a quality of a strong character.

But if you are used to agreeing with everyone, without even listening to the end of the request, again, you need to start gradually. For example, a colleague regularly asks you to do a report for him, citing personal circumstances, you agree, and on Friday evening, when he is already buying his circumstances a drink at the club, pore over the papers. The next time a request comes in, first take a time out - say that you will give an answer later, in an hour. Don’t give up when you see a change of emotions on your counterpart’s face - surprise, and then reproach.

During the gained time, do a little auto-training - remember that you decided to become more firm, why you need it (for example, play with a child, cook borscht, take a girl to the cinema, just get some sleep, finally).

Take courage and answer that this time you cannot fulfill the request, since you have a lot of your own work and plans at home.

You should not become a victim of someone else's irresponsibility.

Comfort zone

Get out—or rather, “pull yourself by the ears”—out of your comfort zone, despite the fear.
By hiding in the shell, we doom ourselves to miss the interesting things that happen in life.

If a person wants to become more confident and stronger, it is important for him to start doing things that are unusual and difficult.

For example, you are invited to a party, but you know that there will be a person there who makes fun of you. The first impulse is to stay at home and quietly get angry at the scoundrel. You need to overcome it and meet difficulties halfway. This is the only way to defeat them. Of course, it’s worth preparing: remembering what exactly the offender is laughing at and coming up with witty answers. But at the same time, it is important not to go on a visit with one goal - to fight back. This attitude can be felt, but what if the person reconsidered his behavior? You need to go to a party with the goal of having fun, but have a backup plan in case of a psychological attack.

Or, suppose you are afraid to express your opinion - in a company or at a meeting. Especially in the presence of an authoritative person whose views differ from yours. We need to understand once and for all: a person has freedom of choice and the honor of having an opinion different from those around him. You have every right express out loud what you are thinking, even if this decision is unusual.

Insecure people often remain silent, afraid of falling into someone's disfavor or making a mistake, although they have something to offer, and because of this they lose laurels.

Of course, as the unforgettable Mark Twain said: “It is better to remain silent and seem like a fool than to open your mouth and dispel all doubts.”

But if the idea is really good, don't deprive the world of the chance to consider it. Just say it out loud and wait for a reaction. Didn't it work out? Don't give up, wait for the next opportunity. Happened? Accept congratulations and mentally shake your own hand.

Do it before you get scared

Often, in order to do something decisive, you don’t need to wait until you realize what it is fraught with - you need to get ahead of the fear. For example, if a girl is afraid to talk to a guy she likes, you can set yourself up: “The next time we meet, I’ll start a conversation before I imagine that he rejected me, and everyone is laughing at me.” Jump into the pool headfirst - and come what may, in the end, if you continue to play the silent game, there will probably be nothing. Of course, you need to prepare for any decisive step: come up with topics, arguments, reasons.

Looks, gestures, voice - a mirror of character strength

Strong people easy to distinguish in a crowd - they are given out by non-verbal and verbal signs.

• The gaze is direct. Shifty or downcast eyes are the worst enemy of an insecure person. By defending your position, you do not offend the interests of others, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and you have every right to confidently look into the eyes of your interlocutor.
• When defending your boundaries, psychological or physical, you need to watch your posture and gestures. The hunched back of a person who is not slouched indicates that he wants to “surrender” and not fight; By fiddling with objects in our hands or wringing our fingers, we reveal our discomfort.
• The voice is no less important. A confident person is calm and even. But the one who is just learning to be firm either rustles and doesn’t speak, or breaks down into hysterical notes.

Strength of character is not a loud cry or a heavy fist. A strong man is silent more eloquently than a weak man shouts.
All these nuances need to be worked out - there is no other way. Best helpers– mirror, camera, voice recorder. Seeing yourself from the outside, you can be taken aback by your own absurdity. Then the desire to change will be stronger.

Sport as a means

Sports can achieve amazing results in character building. And it doesn’t matter which one - Gym, martial arts, team games... Even if you’ve never done this, it’s time to pull yourself together, think about which training option is most acceptable, and take yourself to the gym. If you are lucky enough to find a section with a good trainer, this is generally a goldmine: the trainer not only monitors the correct execution of exercises and the volume of loads, he helps to shape the mood and change – externally and internally.

Once you become physically stronger, it is much easier to build inner strength.

What is too much is not healthy

Having achieved certain successes on the path of character development, it is very important to stop in time. You shouldn’t go to extremes and follow the example of the main character of the acclaimed series “Breaking Bad”. Often, if a person allows others to trample on his own dignity for a long time and is fed up with this, he simply breaks loose. And after some time, having scared everyone away from him and being left in splendid isolation, he asks the question: how can I become softer now?.. Not allowing yourself to be manipulated is reasonable; but what to do if now no one wants to get involved with the person? Determination should not eradicate goodwill, empathy, positivity, and the ability to show flexibility where it is needed. It’s very easy to go too far – especially with close people.

Frequently asked questions and answers

How to become softer in character?

Get along with yourself, as a joyful person will not look for reasons for irritation and sadness. Practical advice: quickly “disconnect” from the grievances you have received, make a list of what you want to change in yourself, write down bad moments and then analyze why they upset you and whether you could have reacted differently, find a “role model”, control yourself when expressing bad ones emotions, pamper your heart with pleasant things - music, books, hobbies.

How to become harsh?

The best interpretation of severity is a balance between love and justice. This long work over oneself internally, in order to be able to understand situations, where and how to act according to the highest justice, tempering the will in acceptable ways, “training” one’s weaknesses and vices. It is also worth paying attention to appearance - facial features and posture, because body language can say something about us that is not at all what we want.

How to become brutal?

Correct brutality is inner fullness, wrapped in a “candy wrapper” of excellent physical shape and stylish appearance. Train responsibility, even in every little thing, and self-confidence, “feed” intelligence and ambition, be individual and a little mysterious, constantly challenge yourself, strive to be the best, respect others, but do not tolerate humiliation, be reliable, honest, imitate “ examples of courage."

When should you be tougher?

Rigidity is certain demands on the environment. It is appropriate when it is necessary to protect the honor and status of yourself and your loved ones, when there is no discipline, something extraordinary needs to be stopped, if they try to manipulate and use it for their own purposes, when it happens psychological pressure, in any situation where blatant injustice and humiliation reign. There is also toughness for good, when it is necessary to push a person to an important decision.

How to become ruthless?

The reasons for this behavior lie in a person’s lifestyle and experiences. To achieve results, you need to emotionally close yourself off, stop compassion, control good experiences, stop loving, admiring something, making friends, constantly obsessively looking for reasons for hatred and negative emotions, and reacting to everything that happens with anger and aggression.

How to be arrogant?

In a situation where you need to achieve something, imagine that you have put a “mask of arrogance” on your face - try to push aside tact, awkwardness, humanity, showing unwavering persistence. Rehearse often, but be careful - this behavior does not inspire sympathy.

I'm tough, what should I do?

There are two options - leave everything as it is, if you feel comfortable with it, or change something. If you are trying to eradicate rigidity, pay attention to why you became that way and try to solve the problem. Loving someone (even a dog) will melt an icy heart. Self-love and working on mistakes will make you reconsider your outlook on life. And also - constantly force yourself to pay attention to the good, develop empathy, control aggression and negativity, and be able to relax while doing something pleasant.

Strong character, what is he like?

How to become a greyhound?

You need to follow a few rules: don’t fuss, add a little arrogance, be completely confident in yourself, harmonize internal state and body language to make it look relaxed, know the rules and break them. Important - greyhound is not always appropriate.

How to become a cold person?

Less smiles (or with a bit of contempt), an icy distant, slightly detached look, less emotional, controlled movements, a flat, distant tone of voice, minimize stories about yourself and questions to others, so as not to show curiosity. Inner work: throw away morality, be prepared to offend (but maintain dignity), be tough everywhere, practicality, sharp criticism and too much realism are the middle name, do not help, do not trust and do not sympathize, constantly tune in to negativity and indifference.

How to become a cocky guy?

To be daring means to be able to attract people, to stand out in the gray mass, and should not be confused with rudeness. Work on yourself: add soft swagger to your behavior, practice answering quickly, a little sarcasticly, but with a kind smile, love yourself - be energetic, funny, sparkling, cheerful, enthusiastic, rejoice even at a stain on your T-shirt and turn it into a holiday, focus on in your presence, say what you think, challenge yourself in the most unexpected ways.

How to become strict?

It is enough to start firmly saying “no”, to act fairly, not to bend to the wishes of others, to listen to yourself, to be self-possessed, principled and “in a good way” stubborn.

How to be bolder?

You need to increase your self-confidence through training, endurance and perseverance exercises, and neutralize the factors that humiliate you. Widen your range of interests and hobbies, change your wardrobe to something more noticeable and emphatic, learn at least the basics of public speaking. Practice adding a little irony and persistence to your speech.

How to stop being rude?

It's important to learn the following techniques: controlled and adequate reaction, more frequent, sincere smiles, calmness, constantly improve and work on yourself, looking at the example of sensitive and gentle women.

How can a girl become strong?

A woman should put herself first - this applies to caring for her body, self-development, and “pleasures for the soul.” You cannot “fall for the bait” of relationships where there is no freedom, and you cannot compare yourself with others - this suppresses the individual. It is important to learn to defend personal boundaries and opinions, not to allow yourself to be offended and hurt, to unquestioningly believe in yourself and your uniqueness, to adequately accept falls and losses.

Fighting qualities of a person?

These are the character traits of people that lead to success: absolute faith in victory, strong internal motivation, positive thinking, correct understanding of what is happening, risk-taking, constructive and clear ability to think, a combination of charisma and simplicity, clear knowledge of one’s desires.

How to stop being good guy?

Stop suppressing your opinion in order to please everyone and please them. Say a firm “no”; those who give in are not respected. Show your character and that very “core” with restraint, do not tie your happiness and the meaning of life to people - be self-sufficient. Express fire and spontaneity, firmness and systematicity, justice and courage.

How to become smart?

Everyone has their own internal pace, but you can try. You need to form the habit of completing all tasks and assignments on time. Start planning your day, write a to-do list by the hour in your diary, and try to complete them. If you did it earlier, reward yourself. Listen to rhythmic music while you are doing something, imagine a trainer with a stopwatch in front of you. Do not listen to those who push or criticize - this creates fussiness, panic and only gets in the way.

How to become arrogant and punchy?

Having a proactive character will help you enjoy life better. How to do it: act with self-confidence and assertiveness, demonstrate emotions clearly and sincerely, position yourself in such a way that you are respected, participate in a friendly argument - this is the best rehearsal for persistently defending yourself, be mischievous and cheerful, joke, but do not forget about your goals, and even as a joke, persuade others to carry them out. Moderate causticity and wit are your friends.

How to learn to be proud?

Stop any self-domination and manipulation, accept and love yourself, teach others to respect you and your opinion, cultivate your personality - improve yourself, do not demonstrate your fears, be a little unpredictable.

How can guys become bold and beautiful?

The main condition is to act only as the inner ego tells you. Convey your needs, voice your wishes, don’t sacrifice interests and plans, enjoy life without giving up everything for someone. And, of course, you look perfect. Men fall at the feet of the one who makes them fight every minute.

How to become more decisive?

Determination is a strong desire to live life the way you want. Contain your inner fears and barriers, find the strength on your own or with a psychologist to eliminate childhood traumas that have become a prerequisite for indecision, do not doubt yourself, start small - start thinking with your own head, first making small decisions, based on your experience and desire, then - increasingly convincing yourself and those around you that you cannot be manipulated.

How to become more observant?

Important Rules– eliminate haste and overwork, stop trying to do several things at once, constant training.
Exercises to develop observation skills:
- constantly consider: people and their actions, and then compare your guesses with reality; street, each time snatching out new little things and reproducing them in memory; choose an object that you can see constantly;
- train your hearing - “guess” and characterize steps, noise, sounds, and vision - practice with eventful pictures, numbers and others, remembering their order and smallest features;
- Hone your stealthy surveillance skills by engaging all your senses.

How to become fragile?

You need to be able to be weak. A girl wearing sneakers and carrying heavy bags cannot be called fragile. If you want to appear like this, personalize your look using romantic dresses and heels, and elegant, gentle makeup. Don’t try to do everything alone – nailing a shelf or fixing a toilet; don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you can’t, go to a femininity course. Read beautiful “female” books, watch films with gentle heroines, take an example from them.

How to become a tough leader?

Read specialized literature, adopt experience, practice in order to have the following qualities: a strong focus on results, but not “walking on corpses”, fair uncompromisingness, harmony of determination and flexibility, a mixture of optimism and realism, not overwhelming authority, honesty, constructive thinking.

How to train character?

Analyze yourself - best sides strengthen, the worst - slowly eliminate. Train willpower and self-control. Learn not to be afraid of responsibility and take risks. Learn to adequately accept criticism and understand others. Eliminate bias and stereotypes from your life. Constantly be in motion towards your goal. Broaden your horizons and don't be afraid of difficulties.

How to become more eloquent?

Conclusion

Conclusion

Becoming tougher is not a matter of one day. But over time, it is quite possible to achieve this: you need to understand the goal, think through the means, hone fairly simple skills (in particular, the ability to refuse, voice your position, leave your comfort zone), and at the same time remain within the framework of humanity.

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Question from our reader Boris: More than once I have heard the opinions of other people about myself who said that I was weak-willed. Tell me, how to develop a strong character? Now I understand that when I was growing up, there was no example of a person with a strong character next to me from whom I could learn. Is it possible to develop a strong character as an adult?

I’ll answer your question right away, Boris. Yes, strong character can be formed at any age., there would be a desire and understanding of how to do this. And now let's talk about everything in order.

Indeed, it is the character of a person that largely determines what his fate will be. In essence, character is a manifestation inner person, the imprint on the road of life of all his beliefs, principles, personal qualities, habits and external manifestations, everything that he managed to know and form during his life.

What is Strong Character?

A strong character- this is the ability to unswervingly follow chosen beliefs, life principles and goals, ideally, the laws of honor. Dull, thoughtless stubbornness has nothing to do with strength of character, but is just a manifestation of a person, his inflated ego and lack of awareness.

Strength of Character– is determined by the strength of a person’s beliefs and principles, strength of spirit and willpower.

• The Power of Beliefs and Principles– this is a certain built-up attitude towards oneself, one’s destiny and the world around us. For Samurai, for example, this is the code of Bushido. For a Russian officer - the code of a Russian officer.
• Strength of mind- this is Valor and other strong qualities that determine the triumph of the spirit (spiritual) over the body (over the material).
• – the ability to patiently overcome internal resistance (laziness, weaknesses, desires or reluctance) and external obstacles in achieving the goal.

More details about who he is Strong man – .

Respectively, Weak character– this is the absence of clear life principles, strong beliefs and lack of will. Which often implies cowardice, cowardice, dependence, and the presence of other vices and weaknesses. Everyone has it weak character its own set of such weak points.

Weakness is often a consequence of spinelessness. About what spinelessness is.

How to develop a strong character?

A strong character is developed either from childhood, as for example knights were raised, from the age of seven. Or life itself strengthens a person’s character, leading him through a series of difficulties, obstacles and trials. Or a strong character is formed by a person himself, working on himself every day, purposefully creating the necessary conditions for this.

But first, let’s answer the question: how is it impossible to develop a strong character? It is impossible to develop a strong character:

• without leaving your usual comfort zone
• without overcoming your own internal weaknesses (laziness, fears, etc.), but indulging all your whims, desires and vices
• Strength of character cannot be cultivated only in thoughts and dreams, without passing real tests in real life
• without rhythmic training, without forming your own will and discipline. Character is trained only by regular effort.
• without self-respect and inner dignity. True character will not grow from pride and arrogance or being a nonentity.
• without struggle in life and overcoming any external obstacles. When everything is smooth and everything comes into your own hands, a strong character is not particularly needed
• without significant motivation. Truly strong character develops only when there is a worthy, meaningful goal.
• on violence against oneself. It is necessary to distinguish between violence and discipline

So, what you need to do to develop a strong character:

1. Strong Character is formed by working on one’s beliefs, cultivating the strength of the Spirit and willpower. Read more about this and instructions for action in the relevant articles:

2. Character is developed not on paper or in the mind, but in real life. Therefore, first of all, decide on your life goals, the achievement of which will require you to have a strong character and powerful personal qualities.

3. Be sure to identify an activity for yourself that will require you to constantly overcome your weaknesses. For example, take up martial arts or some other sport.

4. One of the foundations of a strong character is a powerful invulnerability: self-confidence and feeling self-esteem. Instructions here:

5. Living examples and images always help. Find yourself an example like this: historical figure or a movie character you would like to be like in character. Visualize your goal. To fully experience the required image, get imbued with impressions - watch relevant films about strong and worthy people (about knights and warriors), read books with suitable heroes.

6. Strong character is, among other things, the ability to control oneself, tame one’s passions, manage one’s desires and emotions. Read more:

A “strong personality” can be described different ways. Some of the most common characteristics of such a personality include honesty, loyalty, and good knowledge of work etiquette. To strengthen various aspects of your character, you can use enough general recommendations. First of all, you need to work on developing the best character traits in yourself, which will allow you to create your best self. It will also help you to learn to empathize with other people and express gratitude. Eventually, you can begin to develop strong character by taking on leadership roles and overcoming the challenges that come your way.

Steps

Working on the best qualities of your personality

Become more honest. Honesty is a key component of a person's character. Show others that you are an honest person and do not let your words differ from your deeds. For example, if you tell your partner that you will help him more with his work, show that you mean it. You might start regularly checking in on the progress of a big project he's working on, or offer to take on the responsibility of organizing lunches for him at work during particularly busy work periods.

• You can also become more honest through more sincere behavior. Don't feel like you have to always behave in a particular way. Your reactions should be natural.
• For example, you might say to your partner, “I'm sorry that I wasn't more supportive of you in the past. I think it's because I miss you when you're at work.”

1. Do some self-analysis. Self-analysis allows you to know yourself on a deeper level. Once you achieve self-awareness, you will understand your thoughts and your own reactions. A better understanding of who you really are can help you develop your own character. Set aside some time each day for self-reflection. In this case, you can ask yourself questions like the following: “Why did I react this way to what Sveta said? How can I correct my own reaction next time if a conflict arises?”

   • Meditation is also great for increasing self-awareness. You can learn to meditate using special downloadable applications for your phone, attending appropriate classes, or reading books on meditation. You can even just try sitting quietly and see where your thoughts wander!

2. Strengthen your self-control. You can develop self-control by making small changes in your daily life. For example, you can work on controlling impulses to snack. When you feel the urge to munch late at night, stop and ask yourself if you're really hungry. Then, instead of snacking, drink a large glass of water. You have the opportunity to consciously approach the issue of controlling your impulses.

   • It's a good idea to get into the habit of making your bed every day. This will help you develop discipline that will be useful in other life situations.

3. Try to live by honor. Living with honor means being honest with your inner self. If your actions do not correspond to your beliefs, then you will always have an unresolved conflict simmering inside you. Remember and respect your personal values ​​and principles in your daily life. Make decisions based on these principles and be unyielding under pressure from others.

   • Do things that align with your values.
   • Think about how your decisions align with your beliefs.
   • Change habits that go against your beliefs.
   • Be honest.

4. Take responsibility for your own mistakes and correct them. Everyone makes mistakes, but how you react to such situations shows your character. Be honest if you have done something wrong and try to take steps to correct the situation. Depending on the specific circumstances, you may need to apologize. In another case, you will need to change your own behavior or correct what you have done.

   • Talk to the person who was harmed by your actions to make a concrete decision.
   • Weigh possible ways correct the situation.
   • If you make a mistake or hurt someone, admit the mistake and correct it. For example, you could say, "Sorry I stole your idea. I'm going to tell everyone that you came from it."

5. Learn to take risks deliberately. There are many reasons why a person might take risks, including to gain confidence and find new ways to succeed. A risk can only be considered considered when you have weighed all the possible positive and negative consequences of your action. You shouldn't do anything rash.

   • For example, you dream of creating your own photo studio. It would probably be unwise to suddenly quit your job and make yourself dependent on your newly created enterprise. A more deliberate strategy would be to start small gradually. Try working as a photographer on weekends. As your endeavor develops, you will be able to think more seriously about devoting all your time to what you love.

6. Be patient. All people tend to lose patience sometimes. You may have even had to bite your tongue sometimes when a colleague couldn't grasp something right away. Developing patience will require some effort on your part. Start by trying to assess the situation through the other person's eyes. Try to think like this: “Oh, maybe Masha doesn’t understand what I’m explaining to her because she doesn’t have technical education, like mine. I need to use less jargon in my explanations."

7. Ask someone you trust to give you a description. Sometimes it can be difficult to evaluate yourself objectively. If you're serious about becoming a better person, try asking someone to describe you. This person must be both honest and capable of constructive criticism.

   • Your best friend might be a good candidate. Contact him: “Sergey, I am seriously striving to become a stronger person. Could you help me and tell me some strengths and weaknesses of my character?”
   • Accept the feedback you receive with gratitude and try to take action to make some of the recommended changes.

   Ability to empathize and express gratitude

   1. Learn to put yourself in others' shoes. If you learn to empathize, you will be able to understand other people better. You can strengthen your character by seeking mutual understanding with people and helping them. Try to imagine what the other person is going through. For example, your friend may have recently lost his brother. Think about how he might feel and how you would feel if you were in his shoes. Try to figure out how you can alleviate your friend’s condition.

      • You can even go further and try to experience exactly what the other person experienced. For example, your partner may be upset that she has to do all the cooking. Try taking on cooking responsibilities for the week to realize what it is that is stressing her out so much.

   2. Challenge biases in yourself and others. Everyone has certain assumptions and even prejudices towards other people. They can be both conscious and unconscious. For example, you can count people who only completed school and did not receive vocational education, uneducated. Try to adjust your way of thinking to a more open path and begin to be more tolerant of other people.

      • Pay attention to your biases. If you catch yourself making conjectures, take note of this. Awareness of possible bias is the first step in combating it.
      • When you are once again overcome by such thoughts, take active action to change your way of thinking. Instead of thinking that “that person can’t be smart,” think, “Wow, despite his lack of professional training, he did a great job. This is impressive."

   3. Practice gratitude. Gratitude is considered part of strong character because it demonstrates your awareness of the contributions of others and the circumstances around you. You can develop an attitude of gratitude by intentionally incorporating it into your daily life. For example, you could list three things you are grateful for every day at the end of the day.

      • You can also start a journal for yourself in which you write down all the things for which you are grateful. There you can make relevant notes throughout the day or just set aside 10 minutes for this in the evenings.
      • In your diary you can write: “Today I had the opportunity to become a volunteer at an animal shelter. I'm grateful that I was able to do something constructive on this Saturday morning.”

   4. Don't forget to express gratitude to other people. A grateful attitude towards life also has an external side. Remember to say “thank you” every time someone does something for you. In the same way, you can show your appreciation for those things that do not directly concern you.

      • For example, you can say to a colleague: “Thank you for bringing a new client. Business growth benefits us all.”
      • Gratitude can be more specific. Try saying, “I really appreciate you feeding me chicken soup when I was sick. You are so caring."

   Exercising leadership functions

   1. Learn to speak loudly and clearly if you are shy. You can strengthen your character by taking on more responsibility. This will expand your own knowledge base and horizons. Start by assessing how you communicate with other people. If you are usually afraid to speak up, make an effort and learn to speak clearly so that your voice is heard.

      • Perhaps you are also involved in a choir and have good taste in music. If you feel strongly that certain music should be used at an upcoming event, say so and make your explanation clear.
      • At work, participate in more meetings. People will be more receptive if you communicate your ideas to them clearly and confidently.

   2. Let others speak first if you are usually talkative. You can demonstrate your leadership skills by demonstrating restraint. If you're usually very talkative, try letting other people be heard as well. You will then have a chance to think and give a thoughtful answer.

      • For example, let's say you set a goal to learn Spanish. Reveal the best ways achieve this goal and start working in this direction.
      • You can enroll in Spanish courses at a local college or take a special course online. You can also use special software products for language learning.
      • Keep a record of exactly what you do. Don't forget to celebrate your successes.
      • Working towards clearly defined goals will help you develop the discipline that is integral part strong character.

   3. Ask for help when you need it. Some people consider asking for help a sign of weakness. In fact, this is a demonstration of strength of character, since by doing this you show that you are able to identify and evaluate your needs. At the same time, your requests should always be specific and understandable.

      • Instead of telling your partner at length that you need help with housework, try saying something like this: “It would be nice if you could do the laundry and walk the dog from time to time.”

   4. Highlight other people's strengths. Moral support - great way lift everyone's spirits, including yourself. Good leaders know that support influences people better than aggressive criticism. Be sure to communicate with your team of people and make sure they understand that you value each of their contributions.

      • Highlight people's strengths so they can grow from them. For example, you could say, "You have a real talent for making presentations! Would you like to speak on behalf of all of us?"
      • Focus on the success of the team as a whole, not on your personal success. Talk to management about your team using the pronoun “we” rather than “I.”
      Adviсe
      • Identify specific character traits that need development.
      • Remember that your own understanding of the definition of “strong character” does not have to coincide with anyone else’s understanding.

The greatest inflexibility and directness
The character of the railway rails is different

This is an interesting thing: what comes first, character or training? Character, as an opportunity to constantly train, or training, which, when carried out regularly, has a formative effect on character?

For me, character is primary. Others simply don’t stay in training. Remember this is eternal - no time, no strength, no opportunity... Character will determine whether a person will invest constantly or not.

But what happens if instead of character you take a good, tasty, very desirable goal? What if something appears that will overshadow everything else? And then, after some very long term, it will slowly go away, but the habit of doing it will remain?

What will this habit be? Something that will “dictate” a certain way of action? New character??

Let's figure it out?

Just straight away, I’m not an expert in psychology. I’ll simply share a couple of thoughts.

When people talk about character, they most often mean a set of properties, qualities and personality traits that leave a certain imprint on all a person’s actions and actions. And actions and actions, in turn, shape the environment, lifestyle and behavior style of the individual.

But there is also an inverse relationship. The current environment, the environment, the format of everyday actions force a person to adapt, gradually change, and acquire new, unusual behavioral traits.

Well, for example, we came to a new job, and there it is customary that once a month everyone chips into the general cash register for tea, coffee and sugar. Great, we accepted it, it became the norm. Common tea and coffee imply the presence of a certain amount of constant drying in a common vase. Everyone knows about this. Everyone also knows that they can take dryers in any quantity, but for some reason they take these dryers without reserves for “what if.” Well, simply because these dryings do not cause much interest. They are always there and always will be. Their availability is covered by the general fund.

Now we change our place of work and come to another team, where everyone lives with their own tea leaves. Naturally, on the first day we bring our own dryers (so familiar and familiar) and pour them onto an open plate. Question: how long will these dryers last? Answer: exactly as long as it takes for a person to appear who can sit near this bowl until these dryings are over. Moreover, it wouldn’t even occur to this individual to offer something of his own in return - you’re on your own. common use they put it up themselves.

One more question: how long will we treat everyone with our sushi, and how long will we offer our personal coffee with cream? Answer: everything will depend on how we personally perceive ourselves in this team. If they are equal, then there will be no drying. If we are in the last roles, then we will be carrying dryers for a long time.

What has changed in these situations?
The environment has changed, habits have changed... Has one of the demonstrated character traits changed? Such a small line... As they say, only tea and sugar.

What if in one company swearing is accepted, but in another it is considered unacceptable? And if in one company it is always necessary to wear a suit, and in another, stained pants are allowed - will this have an impact on the person’s personality? Will negligence in one place lead to negligence in another?

Well, it turns out that it’s pulling. And very strongly. And we don’t even realize it. And it works at the level of the brain.

One more example. It is not entirely correct, since it has more to do with immediate actions, but, nevertheless, if such a thing is already addictive, then what can we say about the global environment.

At New York University, psychologist John Bargh and his colleagues conducted an interesting experiment. University students aged eighteen to twenty-two were asked to construct four-word phrases from sets of five words (e.g., “finds,” “he,” “yellow,” “immediately,” “house”). The sets for one of the groups contained words that are associated with older people: “forgetful,” “bald,” “gray-haired,” “wrinkles.” Having completed the task, the young people had to go to another room to complete the next test.

The essence of the experiment was this short transition. The researchers quietly recorded the time it took to complete the corridor. The result was that young people who made sentences using words associated with older people walked significantly slower down the hallway.

And now attention, closer to our topic, to the topic of character and training.
This connection works not only in the direction from what is seen by the brain to what is reproduced by the body, but also in reverse side– from what is reproduced by the body to brain impulses.

A study was conducted at a German university that was a mirror image of the experiment by Bargh's group in New York. The students were asked to walk around the room for five minutes at a speed of 30 steps per minute, which was about a third of their normal speed. After this brief exercise, participants were much faster at recognizing words related to old age, such as “forgetful,” “elderly,” and “lonely.”

Let's summarize some preliminary results...
In the first experiment, a set of words primes thoughts about old age, even though the word “old” never appears. But even this already sets the stage for behavior associated with old age. In the second experiment, it was proposed to move more slowly than usual, that is, the installation goes to the body, but ultimately affects the brain directly.

Interestingly, in both cases, none of the students in the subsequent survey said that they had noticed general theme words or that the theme of the movement determined it brain activity. All subjects insisted that the words they read had no effect on their actions after the first test, and slow motion had no effect on brain function during the second test.

In both cases, people did not understand the idea of ​​old age, but their actions changed. Everything happened unconsciously, on its own.

Let's get back to training, or rather, for starters, just get back to character. Character is understood as:

• a system of stable motives and modes of behavior that form a behavioral type of personality;
• a measure of balance of internal and outer worlds, features of an individual’s adaptation to the reality around him;
• a clearly expressed definition of the typical behavior of each person.

It turns out quite elegant...
Character is formed, defined and created throughout a person's life. Whatever takes a decisive position at some stage will have a decisive influence.

This could be a way of thinking, feelings, motivations, goals, working alone or in a team, social attitudes, specific life circumstances, as well as the desire to belong to a certain company. This could be one single book read during (or not during) time, a conversation overheard, a movie seen.

Remember Scrooge and the Ghosts of Christmas? Internal attitudes have changed, and the person has changed.

Do you remember Ray Bradbury and his Fahrenheit 451? It wasn’t even ghosts that changed him, but just a couple of books he read.

So how does this work in training?

• You stumble over a difficult exercise or a difficult number of reps and attack it again and again until you finally manage to get through it. What is this if not pumped up will and determination?
• You are constantly outside your comfort zone, because one mastered exercise automatically brings out the next one. You get used to constant challenge and you accept it and conquer it. And you already think that a challenge is normal.
• It is not enough to set a goal, you must be able to achieve it. And training forces you to constantly keep in mind not only the goal itself, but also the fact that in order to achieve it you must do something. You learn not just to know goals, but also to achieve them. You learn to take simple steps towards a big win.
• You are inspired by the fact that you can do something that you couldn’t do just a day ago. You were afraid of this, but now the fear has been replaced by curiosity and delight. You constantly scroll through your brain: if I could do this, what else can I do? And it makes you move even further. This means your opportunities are growing.
• At the initial stage, you control every millimeter of your body - this is a colossal concentration. This is dynamic meditation. What goes through your head when training is hard? Empty! There is only here and now. You get used to working this way, and this emptiness comes into other aspects of your work.
• At the initial stage, you don't succeed much. But that doesn't stop you. You are studying. You teach your nervous system, brain, receptors to move and act the way they worked before. You do this work carefully because its importance is obvious. What is this if not the development of perseverance, consistency and self-control.
• Sometimes you have to wait months for the results of your training. And you wait. You patiently do the same work - calmly, pragmatically, without strain. And the brain learns to turn time into results. He learns to wait. Learns to understand that everything comes in its own time.
• Not everything goes perfectly in training. No one is immune from failure. But you know that falling is not yet losing. So you try again, and again, and again. You overcome the fear of failure, learn to continue when everything is bad and you have no strength.
• Training takes a certain amount of time. And he must be found. Therefore, you calculate your capabilities more accurately and set your priorities more strictly. Time is a limited resource, so you get used to spending it economically and productively.
• Training does not tolerate fuss and an overloaded brain. Therefore, all problems except exercise fade into the background and become insignificant. You learn to switch from the “mad race” mode to the calm mode.

Will, patience, perseverance, the ability to concentrate, the ability to work to the maximum, determination - what are these, if not character traits. And having learned all this in the gym, you perceive situations outside its walls differently.

You somehow easily save inner balance in a "fight". You manage to do more in less time. You look at emergency situations more calmly, orient yourself faster difficult situations. You can weigh the decision, wait for the issue to develop, and track the result in the future.

Has character creation occurred? New person?
Interesting, isn't it?

And now I will show the return. Before this we talked about positive features. But every idea archetype has two sides to the coin. And character in training as well.

Imagine that the result is everything. It's simple. This is the first place at the World Championships. What can a person do for this championship? Train a lot, highlight the main thing and... concentrate solely on yourself.

Remember the phrase: “I don’t have time to train you, I need to train myself.” It doesn't sound like that literally, but nonetheless. Do you know the character? A very famous person. Hollywood star.

Well, so, back...

• I need everything, the rest will wait. (In the gym, this usually manifests itself when a person uses several machines at once, and God forbid, you try to somehow push him out of there. He has the same approach. Only he has the right to work on three equipment at the same time.)
• Everyone must listen to me, because only I know how to do everything right. I have been in this sport for 5 (7,10,20 – choose the one you need) years.
• Only I do business, and everyone else is nonsense. That’s why I get tired during training and can’t return the dumbbells to their place. Let someone else do it.

Guy, hello, are you already having delusions of grandeur?
Are your wings too tight?
Doesn't the crown interfere?

These are the three main points. There are a couple more, but they are completely rotten.

I know a child who goes to a section and there children are taught to literally fight for the coach’s attention. And it is considered quite normal to go over the heads of your comrades in order to get to the next competition. This is done by the coach himself. This is his position: get your neighbor out of your way so that he doesn’t block me from you.

What will this boy be like in 5-7 years, if for him now the comrade standing next to him is a competitor and enemy? It is quite logical that he will continue to implement the instructions received during training.

Would you say that this is not related to training? Hmm... But for some reason this experience turns out to be connected with the body. And the brain always projects its own correctly. He will not divide - train or go over your head. He will do it - train by walking over heads.

It’s like being in a cult – let’s raise our hands up and say “Hello” to everyone. Action + word = very powerful thing.

In general, the training is very interesting. They will develop what is hidden and give new guidelines if necessary.

At the end I will give you one more diagram. These are four groups of characters that are especially pronounced in the hall:

• a person’s attitude towards other people (respect, sociability, responsiveness or rudeness, individualism, desire to stand out);
• a person’s attitude to his work (hard work, responsibility, perseverance or passivity, a tendency to look for those to blame, a tendency to do everything just right);
• a person’s attitude towards himself (self-esteem, self-criticism or arrogance, vanity, egocentrism)
• person to things (neatness or sloppiness).

Will this improve your training? Definitely yes!
So, no matter what you do, it will definitely affect you. So welcome to training, friends.

Here, of course, it would be nice to touch on the topic of how to train in order to stay in training, but that’s a completely different story. And this story is too long for one article.

People with strong character and willpower have always been valued. But no one knows with what efforts they raised it in themselves. Much depends on genetics and childhood upbringing. But if you didn’t attach much importance to this, then you should think about it and do it yourself.

First, you need to make a choice about what exactly needs to be improved, what you need to work on, and what you need to pay attention to most. By cultivating a strong character, a person develops in himself positive traits, choosing the most important ones for yourself.

Next step there must be strengthening nervous system. You don’t need much to do this, the main thing is to do it regularly, have patience and endurance. To strengthen the nervous system, meditation, auto-training or various kinds relaxation.

Sports will have a positive influence on character. You need to set a goal and confidently move towards its implementation. You don’t have to set a record goal, you just need to choose the right exercises and do them regularly. Thus, a person becomes more disciplined. If you exercise regularly, you can strengthen not only your body, but also your spirit.

For people who do not have the desire or opportunity to play sports, there are other methods by which they can develop strong character and confidence. These can be intellectual pursuits. You can take up playing the piano or start playing chess. You can reach new heights with the help of literature, reading books, studying creativity famous people.

It is very important that the person himself feels his strength. To do this, you need to realize that someone needs him. You just need to help people who need help. It is not necessary to help financially, you can help those in need morally, for example, go for a walk with a disabled person or go to Orphanage and play with the orphans. Thus, a person becomes stronger and more confident.

To make your character strong, you need to overcome your fears. For people who are afraid of heights, a parachute jump would be suitable, as this is the only way they can overcome their weaknesses. After such exercises, a person becomes more confident and understands that he is no longer afraid of anything. Not everything in life goes the way you would like, you shouldn’t be upset by the parade of difficulties, you need to be able to resist them. This is the key to a strong character.