Home Prevention Emotional abuse in the family. Psychological violence: types, manifestations in the family and relationships with others

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Emotional abuse in the family. Psychological violence: types, manifestations in the family and relationships with others

Psychological abuse: what is it and how to fight it

A tyrant husband is a common topic of discussion. If tyranny is accompanied by physical violence, then everything is clear - you need to leave. And the sooner the better. This is exactly the advice that most women will receive from friends and relatives when they complain of beatings. However, in addition to physical violence, there is also psychological violence.

Psychological violence is discussed extremely rarely, and yet, psychologists assure that for the psyche of the victim it is even more dangerous than physical violence. If physical violence cripples the body, then psychological violence cripples the soul and the very personality of the victim.

To begin with, it’s worth understanding what it is psychological abuse.

Psychological (moral, emotional) violence is a method of non-physical pressure on the human psyche. Typically this pressure is carried out at four levels:

Control of behavior (the tyrant controls the victim’s social circle and his actions, forces him to account for being late, can arrange an interrogation in the spirit of where he was, with whom and why for so long)

Thought control (the tyrant’s attitudes are imposed on the victim)

Control of emotions (emotional swings, provoking emotions - from positive to sharply negative, manipulation in order to evoke certain emotions)

Information control (the tyrant controls what books the victim reads, what music he listens to, what TV shows).

How does this manifest itself in practice?

Recognizing a psychological tyrant can be difficult. The first sign is that the relationship is very emotional from the very beginning. They quickly become serious. They will tell you about crazy love, that only you can make him happy...

Problems begin a little later - the tyrant partner begins to speak critically about your actions, friends, work. He often insists that you quit your job, saying that his funds are enough to support you...

Be careful!

In fact, under the guise of love and care, you will receive total control - the tyrant seeks to control your social circle, your actions, even your thoughts. The means are not so important - it can be poisonous ridicule or, on the contrary, a demonstration of such sincere grief that you yourself begin to feel guilty for upsetting this wonderful person...

The result of constant pressure is the rejection of one’s own attitudes and the acceptance of the partner’s attitudes. A psychological tyrant destroys the victim’s personality, breaks her attitudes, and lowers her self-esteem. The victim increasingly feels worthless, stupid, dependent, selfish - fill in what needs to be said. She is increasingly dependent on the tyrant. And he, in turn, diligently cultivates in her the belief that if it weren’t for him, no one would need her anymore.

A tyrant can behave in an emphatically sacrificial manner. But this position has nothing to do with true acceptance and sacrifice. This is a kind of emotional bondage in the spirit of “I will give you everything - but you will always owe me.”

Distinguishing psychological tyranny from real care can be difficult. Focus on your feelings. If you are haunted by a feeling of guilt towards your partner, but at the same time you cannot clearly understand why exactly you feel guilty, this is a sure sign that you are being subjected to psychological violence.

Why is emotional abuse dangerous?

The danger of psychological violence is that when viewed from the outside, nothing special happens. What couple doesn't have quarrels? Attempts to complain about relationships rarely meet with the understanding of loved ones - from the outside, tyrants always seem the nicest people, and the victim herself cannot clearly explain why she feels discomfort. “You’re freaking out,” she hears. On the other hand, the victim is treated by a tyrant who tells her that everything is fine, they have a wonderful relationship - but she feels bad only because she herself is selfish, or does not know how to be happy, or does not know how it should be...

Naturally, the victim begins to think that something is wrong with him. After all, everyone around her insists that her partner is a wonderful person and loves her very much, but she, ungrateful, is dissatisfied with something... The victim stops trusting her feelings, she loses her critical attitude to the situation - she finds herself in complete emotional dependence on the tyrant. And it is in his interests to continue to instill in her a feeling of guilt and a feeling of inferiority in order to continue to maintain control.

What to do if your partner is a psychological tyrant?

Don't try to convince yourself that everything is fine - that it's your own fault, that he actually cares about you... As soon as you realize that there is a tyrant next to you, you need to leave. The longer you stay in such a relationship, the more destructive your psyche will be affected.

Unfortunately, awareness usually comes quite late - the boundaries of the victim’s personality are completely blurred, she does not have enough strength to fight back, she does not believe in herself and is sure that she deserves such an attitude. Therefore, first you need to understand that the problem is not with you, but with the one who asserts himself at your expense, imposing on you a false sense of guilt and complexes.

Next step- find support. Someone who will support your decision to leave the tyrant, someone who can remind you of the reasons for your decision if you suddenly falter. Otherwise, it will be difficult for you to withstand the pressure of the environment and the tyrant himself.

And finally, try to remember how you lived without him. What did they believe in then, what did they think about, who were their friends, what were their hobbies. Were you happier then? If yes - forward to change!

It is very important, at least for the first time after leaving, to protect yourself as much as possible from communication with your ex-partner - you need to gain strength and remember who you really are, outside of a relationship with a tyrant. This necessity is due to the fact that the tyrant always makes attempts to return the victim.

Only by finally returning to your personality will you be able to soberly evaluate attempts to pressure and manipulate your feelings, and separate your own attitudes from those imposed by the tyrant.

The best remedy for the consequences of psychological violence is a new romance with an adequate partner. Working with a competent psychologist works just as well.

Remember: the main criterion for the correctness of what is happening to you is a feeling of happiness. If this feeling is not there, it means something is going wrong. Trust yourself, don't ignore your feelings, value yourself - you deserve happiness just like any other person.

Psychological violence in the family is a phrase that can often be heard on TV screens or seen on the pages of newspapers. Violence is considered aggressive behavior, physical mutilation, regular beatings from a father or brother, and the like.

But this is not the only type of violence that many people experience. Psychological violence is a form of violence in which the aggressor influences the victim’s psyche through insults, humiliation, neglect, coercion, or ridicule.

A huge number of people face such psychological attacks and are harmed by them. What is psychological violence, and how to protect yourself from it? What remedies can applied psychology recommend?

Psychological violence consists mainly of effects on the psyche a certain person, in order to further break his willpower in decision-making, establish control over his actions, or deprive him of his own views and interests.

Recognizing psychological violence can be difficult because it does not have specific physical consequences that can be presented to the police or in court. It often happens that emotional aggression is an addition to other types of violence, but sometimes it exists in isolation or is expressed in a sophisticated, hidden form.

What symptoms does the victim experience?

If at least one of the family members experiences conditions characteristic of victims of psychological violence, the atmosphere can no longer be called healthy. Signs of psychological violence that most victims experience:

Fear or anxiety that often seems unfounded.
Feelings of powerlessness, impasse and confusion, hopelessness.
Feelings of guilt and shame, feelings of worthlessness and inferiority.

These symptoms are especially pronounced in those who have experienced violence in childhood and adolescence. Even after contact with the aggressor has ceased, the person still deals with the consequences of psychological violence and experiences unpleasant states.

Roots and background of the problem

On empty space, of course, nothing arises. As a rule, a person who becomes an aggressor also has deep emotional trauma.

The emotional pressure experienced in the family where he grew up, or physical violence from relatives or loved ones, can devour a person from the inside for years, forming in his mind resentment, cruelty and a desire for revenge. Such a child grows up with a complex and embittered towards the whole world, which subsequently leads to pathologies in relationships.

Already in mature age, having gained power over another person, such as his spouse or child, the abuser understands that he can take revenge for his childhood traumas.

All the accumulated negativity begins to come out, which leads to the emergence of psychological violence in the family. Often a person does not understand the damage he causes to other people or understands, but is not fully able to control himself in moments of rage, ridicule or rejection.

Many aggressors report feeling pangs of conscience, but cannot stop bullying, shouting, ignoring, or insulting the victim.

There are those who are not aware of the reasons for their behavior, there are also those who suspect that something is wrong with them.

In all cases, the aggressors have a greater or lesser degree of sadistic pleasure from their actions. Dominating family members becomes a way to relieve one’s own anxiety, gain evil joy, relieve tension, or have fun.

Forms of psychological influence

Types of psychological violence can be divided into two groups: direct suppression and manipulation (hidden aggression).

Direct coercion

This form of psychological influence includes orders in the style of “Do it because I told you!”, violent coercion, gross blackmail, for example, “either you do this, or I will hit you!”

Aggressors are not always aware of what exactly they are doing and why, only some of them cause damage deliberately. At the same time, they do not take into account the interests and desires of the victim, or use them as a tool for manipulation. Such people are distinguished by the desire to command, dispose, indicate, and suppress the will to resist.

Manipulation

This is a form of psychological violence in which the aggressor encourages the victim to commit certain actions, but not through direct coercion, but through indirect actions.

What methods does the manipulator use:

Lies in any form, from fiction to distortion or concealment of facts. A lie is needed so that the victim receives false information and is forced to act on the basis of this information in the way that the aggressor needs.
Certain behavior. For example, some pretend to be sick so that the victim will take care of them, and some pretend to be angry so that the victim becomes afraid and becomes obedient. At the same time, manipulation differs from ordinary actions in that the aggressor does not directly communicate his goals and motives, but with the help of various tricks leads to the necessary actions.

Often the manipulator fakes feelings to get something, but does not actually experience them. Moreover, the symptoms felt by the victim fully correspond to the picture of psychological violence.

The instrument of manipulation is often the victim's feelings, for example, feelings of jealousy, anger or resentment, a feeling of inferiority or fear.

By artificially inducing these states, the manipulator achieves his own goals, but does not care that this harms another person.

How does psychological violence manifest itself in relationships?

According to statistics, every fourth woman becomes a victim of domestic violence. The most common type of violence in relationships is sexual, in which the man acts as a torturer, forcing the woman to have sex against her will.

Two types of violence are used here, both physical and psychological.

Often a woman is forced to enter into intimate relationships, because the spouse threatens to cheat, provokes jealousy or is offended. There is a category of men who destroy women’s self-esteem and then force them to fulfill their marital duty.

Exist obvious signs violence in relationships that every woman should pay attention to:

insults and humiliation;
isolation from friends and loved ones;
punishment for time spent away from home;
blame for all problems;
excessive jealousy;
instilling fear and guilt;
use of physical force.

Often psychological violence in relationships is combined with alcohol or drug abuse. Unfortunately, many women are forced to endure such treatment all their lives, because they do not see a way out of the current situation for a number of reasons:

dependence on a man in material terms;
lack of own housing;
low self-esteem and indecisiveness;
fear of loneliness;
reluctance to leave children without a father.

It is important to emphasize that children in families where one parent suppresses and humiliates the other suffer enormous damage to their psyche. You don't have to put up with this! There is a way out even from the most difficult situations.

If you have become a victim of domestic violence and do not see a way out of the current situation, be sure to visit a psychologist or contact a crisis center.

Psychological abuse of children

The issue of physical or psychological violence against a child is very acute. If even an adult is often unable to defend his rights and repel an aggressor, then a child is even more unable to defend himself.

Parents, who initially have authority over their children, various reasons begin to suppress his personality. In their desire for complete control, they deprive children of the opportunity to take independent decisions, limit freedom, ignore needs and feelings, and make excessive demands.

The range of harmful actions of a parent is individual in each case; some have more control appearance a child, some - actions, and some - studies or hobbies. A sadist can turn a child’s life into a real hell, from which it is difficult for the child to get out.

Psychological violence against children is provoked by the following problems of parents:

Feeling of one's own inferiority. It manifests itself as a desire to latently or explicitly assert oneself at the expense of the child, to humiliate him, to devalue his achievements. At the same time, the aggressor feels satisfaction from other people's tears, from a spoiled mood or from a scandal.
Feeling of fear. It manifests itself as excessive care, supposedly for the good. Both fathers and mothers abuse this. For normal development the child needs a certain amount of autonomy, amount independent actions and decisions increases with age. And not every parent is ready to give their child the opportunity to develop safely. Children often compensate for their own anxiety at the expense of children, using control as a way to calm down.
Sadistic tendencies. All aggressors have sadistic traits to one degree or another, but there is a category of people who feel an urgent need to suppress another person. Usually this disorder is combined with low self-esteem and anxiety.

Many parents do not notice that they have a depressing effect on the psyche of their children, or they believe that this process is necessary for educational purposes.

Most aggressors do not turn to a family psychologist because they do not see a problem in their behavior, and the damage of other people is of little interest to them. Fortunately, there are families where at least one of the two parents has enough common sense to change something.

Psychological violence against children at school

Psychological violence in school is very common. In almost every class there is always a loser on whom the whole class wins back. The facts of emotional pressure in schools are not hidden, they talk about it a lot, but the situation in better side does not change.

The reluctance of teachers and parents to instill in children from birth a sense of humanism, tolerance, and respect for people with disabilities has a negative impact on education and perception of the world. They grow up cruel, embittered, with a desire to assert themselves at the expense of everyone who is weaker.

To reduce and minimize psychological violence in schools, children must mandatory work as a psychologist, as well as teachers, who often ignore the essence and scale of the problem or are themselves aggressors.

Facts of psychological violence, ridicule or bullying by teachers or classmates must be reported school psychologist. If a child complains about a biased attitude on the part of a teacher, you should support him and help him find a way out of the situation, and not say: “The teacher is always right.”

How to protect yourself from psychological violence?

Protection from psychological violence and safety are an important component for a person’s emotional health. To fight back against the aggressor, the victim of psychological violence must not only know the methods of dealing with it, but also, first of all, find the strength and courage to implement it.

A step-by-step plan to start leaving the zone of violence:

Analyze the situation. The most important thing is to admit that there is a problem and there is no need to run away from it. Many people have been in unhealthy relationships for so long that they find it difficult to imagine any other experience.
Tell relatives or friends. You should not try to survive the violence alone; relatives should be aware of the current situation.
Contact specialists. There is no need to be shy or afraid to seek the help of professionals. There are hotlines you can call free and anonymously and tell a counselor what's going on. In addition, there are free services psychological assistance, where anyone can consult a psychologist about their problem.

Domestic violence in the family is not the norm! In most cases, the victim is unable to defend himself or is dependent on the aggressor, and does not see the strength or courage to change the situation.

The impetus for decisive action can be concern for the happiness of your child, fear of death, or a sufficient amount of damage received. Unfortunately, a large number of people die before they can do anything.

If among your acquaintances, relatives or friends, there is a person who has experienced psychological violence or is currently suffering from an aggressor, then you can tell him about the options for free (and paid) help from a psychologist.

If you analyze the motives of people who get married, then the main need family life is a sense of security that almost every person needs. But, alas, we are not always absolutely guaranteed a sense of security; moreover, often our partner is not very ready to provide us with security or does not know how to do it. And in some cases, he can act out his own scenarios in which the partner’s safety is not a value.

By security we understand not only its physical aspect, but also its psychological one. Often the psychological is almost invisible and looks like a desire to “improve” a partner, “do him good,” to give him his understanding of what is “right” and what is “wrong” in his life. At the same time, psychological violence can be used by both men and women both in relation to each other and in relation to children. It is important to be able to recognize it early stage, says Ekaterina Goltsberg, psychologist of the project #Nebiyditina GO “Bitkivska Spilka”.

Depreciation

Everything is devalued: contribution to the family (“you don’t earn money,” “you’re sitting at home,” “the soup is too salty”), the partner’s personality (“you’re not developing”), appearance (“you’re fat”). A partner or child is constantly criticized, his shortcomings and failures are constantly pointed out to him, often this looks like ridicule in front of other people, where the goal is to evoke feelings of guilt and shame, which develop into inferiority complexes. It is often very difficult for a person to recover from such a relationship; both faith in the partnership and faith in oneself are lost.

Control

Typically, the partner or parent establishes very tight control over what their partner or child does, who they associate with, where they go, and how they dress. He insists that he is always consulted about even the most minor decisions, he controls finances, telephone conversations, social networks, contacts, hobbies. In case of disobedience to his will, he tries to punish by strengthening all forms of restrictions and suppressing the will with strict prohibitions, often accompanied by blackmail or hysterics.

Gaslighting

One of the most severe and intolerable forms of psychological violence is hidden behind such an elegant word. A person who uses denies his partner or child adequacy: “it seemed to you,” “it didn’t happen,” “you just don’t understand it.” Events, feelings, and emotions are often denied. A person who has been gaslighted feels as if they are going crazy. Very often, victims of sexual violence are gaslighted when the perpetrator constantly convinces the victim that she does not understand something correctly, or even denies the fact of violence. Close people who do not believe the victim can do the same, accusing her of strange fantasies and refusing to believe what is happening.

Ignoring

Emotional detachment is very difficult for children to endure, since the importance of attachment to an adult for them is key to the emergence of basic trust in the world as a whole. The child feels that if the most important and significant person don’t give a damn about his feelings, emotions and deeds, then strangers will definitely not need him. Ignoring often becomes the cause of suicidal thoughts and other radical forms of attracting attention to oneself. Adults also find it difficult to cope with the constant disregard of their needs and feelings, which causes feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

Insulation

Isolation differs from ignoring in that it is not the rapist himself who distances himself from the partner, but forces him to exclude relatives and friends from his life, everyone except him. Thus, the rapist closes all communications of the partner or child. Deprived of support, and as a rule, the victim is prohibited from any communication with relatives, the rapist makes the victim completely emotionally dependent on himself. Friends and colleagues are also excluded from communication, which leads to the loss of even the theoretical opportunity to ask someone for help.

Blackmail and intimidation

The objectives of these forms of psychological violence are to deprive the victim of his own will, his own opinion, and to completely subordinate him to his desires and way of life. Often, with these forms of violence, a person is presented with material of an intimate nature, which is used as incriminating evidence: “if you behave badly, I’ll tell you that you wet the bed,” “if you don’t do what I want, I’ll show everyone your nude photos.” Feelings of shame and embarrassment force the victim to abandon their own plans to please the desires of the rapist.

What to do

Whatever the form of psychological abuse, it is important to know that coping with violence while in a relationship with an abuser is very difficult. Therefore, it is very important to first get out of a violent situation, and then deal with your partner. Quitting literally means walking away from the abuser, running away, or even disappearing from his sight. After all, if you are nearby, the rapist will find ways to influence you, as he always did. It is very difficult for children in this situation if their own parents practice psychological violence. Often they intuitively leave home, thus trying to resist violence.

To prevent psychological violence, it is important to develop in yourself and in your children two, in my opinion, the most necessary skills: the ability to think critically and the ability to trust your feelings.

Critical thinking will help to recognize psychological violence in time, during which it often occurs great amount distortions of facts and events.

Trusting your feelings m helps you understand that what is happening is really violence if at the moment when the rapist is next to you, you feel bad. It is important to be able to name your feelings, to have close people who can hear you and reflect your feelings, perhaps this will be a professional psychologist.

And remember: there is no shame in asking for help; rather, it is an important component of the self-preservation instinct - a basic human instinct.

Men and women are equally likely to suffer from psychological violence.

One can often hear the opinion that anxiety disorder- any consequence psychological trauma. In this article I would like to show that anxiety disorder can also be a kind of weapon against psychological violence.

Mobbing at school and at work leads a person to serious problems to the point of wanting to commit suicide. Mobbing at home, in the family, is no different from it.

Let's imagine a person who comes to a meeting with a psychologist and complains that he is having panic attacks. It seems that working with a psychologist helps, but it gradually becomes clear that this person is hiding the fact of his cooperation with the psychologist from his family, because his mother is against it, and the girl is afraid of punishment.

Mom will accuse me of being a bad mother, and dad will accuse me of wasting the family’s money on a psychologist.
How often do you hear reproaches addressed to you?
Every day. We are together all the time. If it weren’t for them, I probably would have done everything wrong, but they correct almost every action I take with my child. And I understand more and more that I can’t cope alone.
Have you ever been beaten?
No, they good people. I'm just a bad daughter. I shouldn't be angry at the reproaches, because they are for the cause. My husband says so too.
How do you react?
No way. I'm sorry. Especially often in front of dad. Because I stop him from watching TV in the morning, he likes to wake up at 6 am out of habit, and I want to sleep a little more.

“Where is the violence here?” every second reader who has not been in this situation will ask. Yes, actually, everywhere. And what does this girl have to do with panic attacks? Despite the fact that this is her only tool for survival in the current conditions. Since she began to suffer panic attacks, they began to bully her a little less. And this is a more favorable option than many others. Some people have to unknowingly harm themselves to get others to stop doing it. And even after emerging from this covert persecution healthy, this woman is unlikely to stop hearing the condemnation within herself.

Methods of psychological violence.

Many people think that methods of psychological violence should cause fear, like physical violence. But their trick lies in the fact that individual acts of psychological violence are not particularly remarkable. They begin to play a significant role only when they are repeated many times, like drops of water dripping onto the crown of the head.

Psychological abuse- this is the repeated repetition of actions that violate the psychological boundaries of a person strictly according to the rules of the rapist, for the sake of establishing control over this person, demonstrating influence on him. The rapist broadcasts to the victim: “I influence you. I am omnipotent. And you, the victim, are powerless. And you are my hostage."

At any moment the rapist(s) can interfere in the life of the victim (I influence you when I want), and there is nothing she can do to prevent this in advance. Keyword — in advance. The victim feels defenseless to attack at any time of the day or night. When the tyrant wants, she will have to react, feel some emotions, take actions, violating all her plans, being distracted by this. (you will react whenever I want) She can respond very well to every blow. But the violence is that she cannot prevent these blows. Gradually, the tyrant or group of tyrants takes control of the victim's entire life. Over her things, personal space, self-esteem, thoughts, emotions, relationships with loved ones, career, etc. (you will have something in life only if I allow/help/don’t interfere). When trying to determine whether psychological violence is occurring, it is worth focusing rather on feeling of powerlessness, not fear.

The degree of harm does not depend on the method, but on the strength and duration of the pressure, the degree of obviousness of the pressure. If the pressure is not obvious, then it is more destructive. Therefore, banging a pencil on the table whenever a person enters a room and refusing to stop can drive a person to complete loss of self if it goes on long enough and if that person has nowhere to go.

Some will say that, come to think of it, you can simply not react. You don't have to react outwardly. Internally it is impossible.

For clarity, imagine that on your mobile phone They call every hour and a half. Let's assume that you can't throw away your phone and don't turn off the sound (it's important for you not to miss other calls). You don't have to answer the phone and you can hang up the call. But it will still ring when you are at work, when you are sleeping, when you are hanging out with friends, when you are in bed with your loved one, when you are eating, when you are at the store, at a lecture, at a meeting, when you are at the hairdresser, when you are playing. football, when you are in a museum, when you are in the ward visiting someone, when your child is sleeping. When you are at an interview, when you are in the boss's office, in the toilet, when you are driving, in line, in the sauna or getting a massage. Even this long list of places where it can ring is irritating. Everyone will hear this call. They will ask you questions, get annoyed, demand to stop it, and you... will not be able to turn it off, because you will miss a call from someone who is dearer to you than anything in the world. How many years can you withstand? Do you think you'll get used to it? After some time it will seem that addiction has set in. This is a sign that reactions will no longer manifest themselves on an emotional level, but on a physical level or in the form of symptoms. psychological disorders. This is how the psyche protects itself from every minute pain.

There are also favorite methods of psychological violence:

Insult, humiliation, criticism
Dominance: demand for reporting and coordination of all decisions and actions (tyrant husbands/wives, tyrant parents),
Ignoring or vice versa constant attempts communicate, reluctance to stop talking,
threats and intimidation,
blackmail,
accusations,
hints at unpleasant and disturbing aspects of a person’s life,
gaslighting (denial of reality, instilling in a person thoughts about his inadequacy in perception and reactions),
impairment of physical and social boundaries(the tyrant gains the trust of all the victim’s loved ones),
undermining self-esteem,
self-confidence as a person, professional, mother and other roles,
attempts to constantly tease a person,
capturing and constantly maintaining attention on the tyrant,
physical and cyber stalking (stalking),
causing harm by the rapist to himself if the victim does not want to comply with his conditions (parents bullying adult children, tyrant children, stalkers),
masquerading as a victim, that is, the rapist accuses his victim of harming him by her existence or protection (victim blaming)
constantly changing the rules of the game unilaterally.

Instructions for use: for achievement good effect use regularly, at least once a day, choosing a new place and time of application every day. Sometimes give the victim a couple of days of silence so that he feels relaxation, hope and less desire to fight.

What are the consequences of psychological violence?

If violence occurs in the form of mobbing at school, at work and stalking, then most often it can be stated post-traumatic syndrome. And already within its framework there is depression, insomnia and pathological doubt. The consequences in these cases are similar to the consequences of physical violence.

When families are bullied, anxiety disorders develop such as: PA, OCD (including compulsive hair pulling, self-harm), eating disorders(bulimia, anorexia, vomiting), which serve as a means of adaptation to the situation, a weapon for protection. They allow one to somehow survive in this situation, remaining in the same system, without changing it directly, but changing it indirectly through the introduction of the disorder as a new “player”, uncontrollable by either the victim or the tyrant.

Examples of integrating an anxiety disorder into the family communication system.

For example, vomiting. The victim has a desire to “seize” the problem. Or not only eat, but also induce vomiting. It turns out that mom doesn't like it. who daily gives her daughter bad assessments of her abilities and appearance, demands that the daughter devote full attention to her parents, forbids dating men and expects to study only at the university chosen for her, and to be sure, blackmails her with money. Mom doesn't like her daughter's new “hobby.” But the daughter objectively cannot stop herself, she is dependent. She gets some relief from the fact that at least something is out of mom's control. (Now you can’t influence me in everything, I’m not powerless/powerless)

Panic attacks or OCD with delusions of cleanliness may develop. The wild horror of dirt becomes a significant argument that neither the man himself nor the tyrant, who now has to take off his shoes in a separate place and help the victim do something against his wishes, can resist. The victim could not defend the right to have her demands taken into account; now the symptom does it for her. The victim begins to influence the tyrant. (you are not omnipotent.)

Interdependence.

It would seem great. The method works. But paradoxically, the weapon turns against the victim itself. After all, the victim is dependent on the tyrant, otherwise he could not be a tyrant for her. Depression, PA, pathological doubt - all this keeps a person at home, the tyrant uses this to increase the feeling of powerlessness in the victim. And moreover, sometimes the victim may unconsciously maintain these disorders in order to ... remain with the tyrant, since by this time (and maybe even before that) her confidence in life without him can be reduced to a minimum, and the fear of independent life becomes stronger, than fear of constant pressure. (you are not omnipotent, but you were right: I am powerless/powerless)

Let's return to our story at the beginning of the article. The girl receives hourly reproach for her actions in caring for her daughter, and hourly her actions are corrected. She is in conditions where she does not have her own territory. At any moment, anyone can enter the room where she sleeps or takes care of herself and her daughter. At any moment, the mother can take her granddaughter and do with her what she decides is necessary. She is being blackmailed with money. They inspire her with thoughts about her failure as a mother and a person, as well as thoughts about the illegality of her desires and needs. And then usually three or four people unite together and poison them in a coordinated manner. As a result, the girl begins to suffer from panic attacks if she is left at home alone(!). Her parents scold her for this, accusing her of being a simulation, but they can’t do anything. They have to change their behavior and the daughter gains some control over them, but becomes increasingly dependent on them. (You are powerless, you are our hostage, you are your child’s hostage and you will not escape. We are omnipotent, and you will always be with us. We influence your life and will always influence. - No, you are not omnipotent. I can too influence myself and even you... but you’re right.. I’m powerless, now I can’t cope with my PA without you) The trap slammed shut.

Sometimes victims choose very radical methods of proving their ability to influence their lives. We're talking about suicide attempts. However, suicide = victory for the tyrant.

The victim can win only by becoming happy :)

Z Why does the tyrant need all this?

To solve your own psychological problems, of which there may be no count. Controlling someone is one way to achieve the illusion of control over your life and problems. He feels the strength at any moment to raise or lower the victim’s level of self-esteem, sees that at any moment he can interfere with her plans or, on the contrary, help, switch attention to himself, force her to distract from something. Love, if it exists, is put aside by the tyrant. When a person’s eyes are clouded by his personal fears, his perception of reality is distorted, and he stops noticing the suffering of others. Only when his fears subside does he see what he is doing.

What should you do first?

Tell the psychologist that, in addition to your anxiety disorder, you are also tormented by something in your relationship with this or that person. The procedure for working with anxiety disorders while constantly being under the yoke of psychological violence can change from case to case, and depends on the desires of the person himself: whether to stay with those with whom it is difficult and build new way interaction, or find strength for independent life, or try to stop crimes committed against a person. But work must be done on both issues. It can hardly be said that only getting rid of pressure will solve the problem of anxiety disorder. By this time it may already have its own independent structure. It’s the same as vice versa: solving a problem with an anxiety disorder will not improve relations with a loved one (if he is a tyrant), but a new anxiety disorder may arise, which will continue to play the role of a communicative link in the relationship.
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But there are weapons against mobbing. Study with a psychologist everything that concerns your pursuers. Themselves, their motives, fears, strengths and weaknesses. And it will become obvious why they chose you, why they succeed, which means it will immediately become obvious what and how you can protect yourself

You are strong. You'll figure it out. And you don't have to do it alone.

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http://site/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Dizajn-bez-nazvaniya-18.jpg 315 560 Anna Senina /wp-content/uploads/2018/11/3.pngAnna Senina 2016-08-01 19:20:30 2019-03-24 10:36:40 Psychological abuse.

If we analyze the motives of people who get married, then the main need of family life is a sense of security, which almost every person needs. But, alas, we are not always absolutely guaranteed a sense of security; moreover, often our partner is not very ready to provide us with security or does not know how to do it. And in some cases, he can act out his own scenarios in which the partner’s safety is not a value.

By security we understand not only its physical aspect, but also its psychological one. Often psychological violence is almost invisible and looks like a desire to “improve” a partner, “do him good,” to give him your understanding of what is “right” and what is “wrong” in his life. At the same time, psychological violence can be used by both men and women both in relation to each other and in relation to children. It is important to be able to recognize it at an early stage.

Depreciation

Control

Typically, the partner or parent establishes very tight control over what their partner or child does, who they associate with, where they go, and how they dress. He insists that he always be consulted about making even the most insignificant decisions; he controls finances, telephone conversations, social networks, contacts, hobbies. In case of disobedience to his will, he tries to punish by strengthening all forms of restrictions and suppressing the will with strict prohibitions, often accompanied by blackmail or hysterics.

Gaslighting

One of the most severe and intolerable forms of psychological violence is hidden behind such an elegant word. A person who uses gaslighting denies their partner or child adequacy: “it seemed to you,” “it didn’t happen,” “you just don’t understand it.” Events, feelings, and emotions are often denied. A person who has been gaslighted feels as if they are going crazy. Very often, victims of sexual violence are gaslighted when the perpetrator constantly convinces the victim that she does not understand something correctly, or even denies the fact of violence. Close people who do not believe the victim can do the same, accusing her of strange fantasies and refusing to believe what is happening.

Ignoring

Emotional detachment is very difficult for children to endure, since the importance of attachment to an adult for them is key to the emergence of basic trust in the world as a whole. The child feels that if the most important and significant person does not care about his feelings, emotions and deeds, then strangers will definitely not need him. Ignoring often becomes the cause of suicidal thoughts and other radical forms of attracting attention to oneself. Adults also find it difficult to cope with the constant disregard of their needs and feelings, which causes feelings of guilt and hopelessness.

Insulation

Blackmail and intimidation

What to do

Whatever the form of psychological abuse, it is important to know that coping with violence while in a relationship with an abuser is very difficult. Therefore, it is very important to first get out of a violent situation, and then deal with your partner. To leave is to literally walk away from the rapist, to run away or even disappear from his sight. After all, if you are nearby, the rapist will find ways to influence you, as he always did. It is very difficult for children in this situation if their own parents practice psychological violence. Often they intuitively leave home, thus trying to resist violence.

Critical thinking will help to recognize psychological violence in time, during which a huge number of distortions of facts and events often occur.

Trusting your feelings helps you understand that what is happening is really violence if at that moment when the rapist is next to you, you feel bad. It is important to be able to name your feelings, to have close people who can hear you and reflect your feelings, perhaps this will be a professional psychologist.

And remember: there is no shame in asking for help; rather, it is an important component of the self-preservation instinct - a basic human instinct.

Ekaterina Goltsberg