“He refuses to go to bed,” “He’s capricious, cries, says he wants to play,” “Demands to eat or drink so as not to go to bed,” “Every time the process of going to bed ends in hysterics,” parents note. Why is this happening? What prevents a child from adjusting to sleep and how they can help caring parents?
✅ Why don't children like to sleep?
Where does a child's reluctance to go to sleep come from? American psychologist Alan Fromm offers the following classification of causes:
1. For a child, going to bed means parting with some interesting activity or leaving a pleasant company (for example, working mom and dad).
2. Children know that adults don’t go to bed yet, and therefore they think that we allow ourselves something that they are not allowed to do.
3. It often happens that children are not tired yet.
4. Sometimes children are afraid of the dark.
5. Perhaps the child had terrible dreams, and because of this there was some aversion to sleep.
6. It is possible that by persuading the child to sleep, adults spoiled him too much, and now this serves as a good reason for manipulating parents.
✅ Signs of fatigue
It is very important to learn to notice the first signs of tiredness and fatigue; this will help redirect the child’s attention and prevent overstimulation before bed. This is not difficult to do. If you notice one or more of the following signs, your child most likely needs rest:
Unreasonable crying, whims;
The baby begins to rub his eyes and yawn;
Sucking a finger or rattle, fiddling with a button, sucking a lip;
Coordination of movements, especially of the hands, is impaired, the child drops toys and makes mistakes in the game;
Movements slow down, lethargy appears;
Aggressive actions unusual for a child occur: throwing or taking away toys, screaming, falling on the floor, etc.;
Excessive activity may occur that is unusual for a baby: running aimlessly, jumping, pushing.
As soon as you notice the appearance of these signs, it’s time to distract the child and put him in a sleepy mood.
✅ Getting ready for bed
Bedtime is good time to strengthen emotional intimacy with baby. May it be pleasant for both of you. Read a book to your baby, sing him a lullaby, give him a light massage, speak in a quiet and calm voice.
If your child is very emotional and active, use a short and simple phrase before bed, for example, “it's time for bed.” You may have to repeat it several times, but do it calmly, repeating it in a neutral tone, without switching to commands.
Give your child a toy “for good dreams.” This could be a small soft toy (bear, bunny, gnome, kitten, etc.). Tell your child that this toy will give him good and good dreams. Take this toy with you when you travel, it's an easy way to give your baby a sense of security no matter where he sleeps.
Let your child take an active part in getting ready for bed by choosing a story, pajamas or lullaby to listen to.
You can also use “ritual games” to prepare your child for bed.
✅ “Sleepy rituals”
It is often difficult for children to tear themselves away from their favorite game or watching TV when their parents start talking about how “it’s late and we should go to bed.” Therefore, you can use so-called “sleeping rituals”. On the one hand, they will calm the child’s nervous system, on the other hand, they will make the process of going to bed pleasant. These are calm games and activities that should be done daily, start at the same time whenever possible and take no more than 30 minutes.
It is important to choose calm games to avoid emotional overstimulation. For a baby, it can be the same lullaby at night. For children from one to three years old, special games can be used.
✔ For example, the game “Bear” (E.V. Larechina). The adult shows the movements, and the child repeats after him.
A clubfooted bear is walking through the forest.
He collects cones and sings songs. (Show Mishka walking through the forest.)
Suddenly a cone fell, right on Mishka’s forehead. ( Right hand touch your forehead.)
The bear got angry and stomped his foot. (Stamp your foot on the floor.)
I won't collect pine cones anymore. (“Shak” with your finger.)
I'll get in the car and go to bed. (Join your palms and place them on your cheek.)
✔ Game “Bunny” (L.A. Buldakova).
A pen - plop, another plop! Poor things, they fell. (Alternately drop one handle, then the other.)
It’s like strings are hanging, just like me, I’m tired. (Easy to shake hands, tired expression on face, lethargic expression on whole body.)
Again the bunny jumps and hops and walks along the path. (Walk slowly across the floor.)
Together with him we will relax and rinse our feet. (Shake your right leg, then your left leg.)
We worked so hard with the bunny that we ourselves were tired.
Now let's go and rest on mom's lap. (Place the child on your lap and hug).
After such games, you can start cleaning up toys, turning this process into a ritual game. You can say: “The toys are tired and want to sleep, we need to help them find their home.”
While getting ready for bed, praise your baby for understanding that he needs to sleep, put away toys, etc.
For older children, reading books together or having a quiet conversation before bed is suitable. You can tell an “imaginary” story, giving the opportunity to dream a little. Talk about some special place that is familiar to the child, for example, a garden, clearing or forest. Describe this place slowly, in a quiet and calm voice. Ask your child to close his eyes and try to imagine what you will talk about. Talk about friendly animals good people or sages. When the child grows up, he will be able to continue the story himself.
After finishing the ritual, calmly and firmly wish the child Good night and leave the room.
Also try to maintain bedtime routines and times during travel, holidays, and when your child is sick. Children find it difficult to return to established routines once they have been disrupted.
✔ Games with water
Ritual games before bed can also be games with water. Water has a positive effect on emotional condition child. When the child comes into contact with water, he receives a pleasant sensation. Many parents notice that when playing with water, children calm down and stop being capricious. The sounds of flowing water have a beneficial effect, and playing with water relieves emotional stress.
The following games can be used:
✔ Game “Pour it over”. For this game you will need several glasses and deep plates. Show your child how to scoop water and pour it from one container to another. You can pour water into bowls from a small watering can and then feed the animals. Such games also develop the child’s coordination and perseverance.
✔ Game “Catch a piece of ice”. Place a few ice cubes in a bowl of warm water and invite your child to catch them.
✔ Game “Catch the toys”. Encourage your child to throw toys into the water and then catch them different ways: with two fingers or using a sieve.
✔ Game "Water Mill". Place the water mill in a basin and show how to pour water onto the mill blades to make them spin. Have your child place a bowl under the mill so that water gets in.
✅ Night awakenings
All children may have night terrors and nightmares from time to time. Night terrors can even disturb one year old baby. The reason for this is vivid emotional impressions, to which children are susceptible just like adults. If your child screams or cries in the middle of the night, lie down next to him, hug him and hold him close to you. Night terrors usually go away over time.
Nightmares rarely plague a child under three years of age. They differ from fears in that the child remembers the contents of the nightmare. Pay attention to the content of cartoons, fairy tales and computer games. Avoid overload and fatigue by maintaining a daily routine.
If a child has a nightmare, don’t be afraid to talk about it, don’t blame the child for making it all up. On the contrary, ask to tell your dream or draw it, let the child release the tension.
If nightmares are regular, consult a psychologist and neurologist.
✅ How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own?
It is better to start teaching your child to fall asleep on his own in infancy. Sometimes put your baby in the crib while he is still awake and let him try to fall asleep on his own. At night, try not to take your child into your bed, but if necessary, approach him yourself.
After putting your child to bed, leave the room. If the child jumps up, put him down again and say, “It’s time to go to bed.” If after you leave the child gets up and starts crying, put him down again, repeating the phrase: “It's time to go to bed.” Don't let your child seek entertainment in your company.
You can sit with your child until he falls asleep, but increase the distance each evening by moving further and further away. For example, on the first evening you sit on the bed, on the second - on a chair next to the bed, on the third - on a chair at the end of the room, etc. Finally, you find yourself in the doorway, then in the next room.
Try putting your child to bed later than usual to help him fall asleep faster, but gradually move your bedtime 15 minutes earlier each evening until you reach an acceptable bedtime.
So, to help your child fall asleep, you can use the following techniques:
Set a bedtime and try to stick to it. Note signs of fatigue; if you miss this moment, the child will become overexcited and will have to be calmed down.
Set a bedtime routine. Let this ritual be short - no more than 30 minutes. You can feed the baby, then read a story or sing a song, change the baby, then rock or massage.
Choose 1-2 games that your baby will like, they will be ritual games before bed.
You can give a soft toy that the child associates with sleep.
During the evening toilet, give your child the opportunity to play with water.
Good dreams to you and your baby!
Sooner or later, all mothers wonder how to help their child sleep through the night. Here you will have to... teach him. It is to teach, because the key skill in in this case you will fall asleep on your own. The fact is that we all naturally wake up several times a night, including children, and thanks to the fact that we can fall asleep immediately, most often we do not remember these awakenings. However, children must learn to fall asleep on their own without the help of rocking, breasts, pacifiers, etc., otherwise they will again and again need your help every time they wake up at night (and there can be up to 12-20 of them per night!).
When to start?
First of all, you need to understand that until the age of 3-4 months, a child is physiologically and neurologically incapable of the feat of even 6 hours of sleep without waking up. The need for nutrition every 2-4 hours and immaturity play a role here. nervous system, which simply cannot provide a sufficient level of control over nervous excitement and braking. Moreover, it is absolutely normal to maintain 1-2 feedings per night up to 8-9 months.
Therefore, have some patience, take a closer look at your child, listen to yourself - not all mothers are ready to stop night feedings of their 6-month-old baby. The mother’s psychological attitude is very important, because if she cannot follow her plan and returns to old habits, this will be a signal to the baby that the mother herself does not know what she wants and will have to insist on her desires. The next time after failure it will be more difficult to achieve the goal.
What's stopping you?
There are several reasons that keep your baby (and you) from sleeping for longer periods of time.
Finding out and eliminating these reasons will help you quickly establish night sleep all family
- Negative associations - if your baby needs your help every time he falls asleep, then he has formed a negative association. For example, he can only fall asleep in your arms, during feeding, after long periods of rocking, with a pacifier, etc. The point is that with normal partial awakenings, the baby does not know how to fall asleep on his own, he always relies on your help, he associates falling asleep only with rocking in your arms. Eliminating such associations and, as a result, acquiring the ability to fall asleep on your own will solve the problem of night awakenings;
- Excessive fatigue of the child. As strange as it may sound, excessive fatigue prevents your baby from sleeping. If he goes to bed late for his age and does not get enough sleep during the day, then you are guaranteed frequent night awakenings and early rises before 6 am;
- Health problems. Food allergies, the symptom of which is often itchy skin not the best friend to good sleep. If your baby snores in his sleep or often breathes through his mouth, he may have difficulty breathing and should definitely be seen by an ENT specialist not only for the sake of good night! There are more complex medical diagnoses, but parents are most likely aware of these and understand their consequences. In any case, consult your doctor if you have the slightest suspicion that physical state the child does not allow him to sleep;
- Night feeding habit. Each mother decides for herself when it is time to stop night feedings. Some see the child’s readiness by 5-6 months, others continue up to a year. On average, we can confidently say that by 9 months, most children can physiologically do without night feedings. Often there remains an emotional moment - be it the habit of eating at night, the mother’s desire to extend the time of solitude with the baby, an attempt to compensate for the lack of mother’s company during the day;
- Factors external environment. Unfortunately, we cannot expect a child older than 2-3 months to be able to sleep in any conditions. Noise, new surroundings, light - all this will seriously interfere with children's (and often adults') sleep. The good news is that this is the easiest cause to fix. Install blackout curtains, and in extreme cases, stick thick black garbage bags to the window glass - this will solve the problem of excess light. Organize the source " white noise", it will absorb most of the house sounds. For a change of scenery, bring along a sheet from the crib (not washed!), a favorite stuffed toy and a blanket - this will help create a feeling of home away from home;
- Lack of attention. Children are very sensitive and smart creatures. If for some reason they cannot communicate with their mother for a sufficient amount of time during the day, they find a way out - waking up at night. Don’t punish yourself if you work or due to family circumstances are forced to spend time away from your child; in our lives, few people manage to be “ideal.” The situation can be corrected.
Parents usually run out of batteries before the child's battery runs out. Here are ways to get those little eyes to close.
Calm down during the day. If you hold and soothe your baby a lot during the day, your baby will be calmer and sleep better at night.
Use recurring bedtime ceremonies. How
older child, the more desirable are constant ceremonies and rituals. Children who have a consistent, reasonable bedtime routine tend to sleep better. Due to the modern pace of life, putting a child to bed early and strictly by the clock is not so realistic, and this regime does not occur as often as it used to be. Imagine working parents who, more often than not, don't get home until six or seven in the evening. This is the most interesting time for the child: do not expect him to fall asleep as soon as you come home. By the time the parents get home, the father, mother, or both may be eager to put the baby to bed early rather than having to deal with a fussy baby all evening. If one or both parents usually return home late, put the child to bed later more practical and realistic. In this situation, give your child the opportunity to sleep as late as possible in the afternoon so that the child will be well rested when the main time of evening communication with tired parents comes.
Use relaxation techniques. A soothing massage or warm bath is a good solution to relax tense muscles and overworked minds.
Rock it in your bag. This technique worked best for our children, especially one who spent most of the day in an overstimulated state and could not calm down.
Lull you to sleep. Departure to
sleeping at the mother's breast is included in the list of natural sleeping pills. Snuggle up next to your baby and breastfeed him until he falls asleep. A smooth transition from a warm bath through warm hands to a warm chest and then into a warm bed usually leads to sleep. Children on artificial feeding, you can also lull to sleep in this way.
Lull you to sleep with your father's help.
As stated above, rocking does not necessarily mean breastfeeding. Fathers, too, can lull to sleep in their own uniquely masculine ways. It makes sense to give the child the opportunity to experience both mother's and father's ways of going to bed.
Make your child more comfortable.
Your baby may be almost ready to fall asleep, but may not want to be put somewhere to sleep. alone. After you've rocked your baby, carried your baby in your arms or in a bag, or fed your baby so that he's asleep in your arms, lie down on your bed with your sleeping baby, cuddle him and wait until he's fast asleep (or until you won't sleep soundly).
Rock it to sleep. A rocking chair next to your bed is perhaps the most important piece of furniture for your bedroom. Cherish these moments of baby rocking, because they only happen in early age and will soon pass.
Cot on wheels. Let's assume you've tried everything. You're ready to go to bed or ready to send your child to bed, but he just can't calm down. As a last resort, place your baby in the car seat and ride until he falls asleep. Constant movement- most quick way induce sleep. This bedtime ritual is especially good for fathers and gives tired mothers a chance to take a break from their baby. We also used this time on the road for much-needed communication with each other, talking in the car while the child nodded and fell asleep from the non-stop movement and noise of the engine. When you get home and find your baby fast asleep, don't remove him from the car seat right away, or he'll likely wake up.
Carry your baby straight into the seat into your bedroom and let your baby stay in it like a crib. Or, if your baby is in a very deep sleep (check for floppy limbs), you may be able to remove him from the seat and transfer him to the crib without waking him.
Mechanical moms. Tech devices designed to put babies to sleep and keep them awake are becoming a bigger and bigger industry. Tired parents shell out big bucks to get a good night's sleep. There's nothing wrong with using them as a last resort when your real mom's batteries run out, but permanent use these artificial remedies may be unhealthy. I remember an article in the newspaper extolling the benefits of providing deep sleep a teddy bear with a cassette player inside that plays songs or recorded breathing sounds. A child can snuggle up to a singing, breathing, synthetic bear. We personally do not want our children to fall asleep to someone else's lifeless voice. Why not give the child a real parent?
See if your limbs are flaccid. All these tips for getting your baby to sleep won't do you any good and all your hard work will be wasted if you try to sneak out while your baby is still in a state of REM, or light, sleep. See if there are such signs deep sleep, like a motionless face and limply coiled limbs, and if so, then you can safely transfer your sleeping treasure to its nest and slip away.
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Many parents are faced with the fact that their child wakes up and gets up at night. Whereas full-fledged children's sleep- the key to health, vigor and Have a good mood all family. We translated for you useful tips Alison, blogger, author and mother of six, talks about how to help your baby sleep peacefully through the night. In our opinion, these tips will be most relevant for mothers of older children.
Most of these methods improve your child's sleep within a week (of course, if the reason is bad sleep does not lie in health problems).
Important: These methods should not be used on newborns or children breastfeeding. Additionally, if your baby wakes up screaming loudly in the middle of the night, you may want to rule out wake-up factors such as thread tangled around fingers or toes, nightmares, a dirty diaper, etc. Remember that if a child wakes up screaming, it means there is objective reason, which interfered with his sleep.
1. Bad habits and hunger.
If there is a small teddy bear in the crib with the child, then there is nothing wrong with that. But if you put your baby to bed by constantly rocking the crib, it will be difficult for him to fall asleep any other way. Of course, any mother likes to carry her baby in her arms, hug him, rock him, but it is better to do all this during the day, and not before bed. Also, you should not teach your child to snack at night. Try to feed your baby before going to bed. Of course, these recommendations do not apply to infants in general and breastfed babies in particular.
2. Stick to a specific routine.
Many children have sleep problems precisely because of the lack of an established daily routine. You need to develop a specific schedule of rest and activity and stick to it. If you are not always able to follow the developed routine, do not be discouraged, because you invented the daily routine to accustom your child to bedtime, and not in order to redo a bunch of things. Just give your child a little time and he will get used to it, and problems with insomnia will resolve themselves.
3. At night the house should be dark and quiet.
If your child wakes up at night, do not get out of bed, turn on all the lights in the house and run to him shouting: “What happened?” Let there be a small night light in the room where the child sleeps, then you will not need an additional light source. Speak quietly, monotonously - let the baby understand that you are sure that nothing bad happened. And then he will calm down. Sometimes this simple step helps your child fall asleep.
4. Do not take excessive care during night awakenings.
You can hug and stroke the child, but nothing more. Don't let him get up and walk around the apartment. This can develop into a habit.
5. Reduce your TV viewing time.
This is especially true for parents of older children. View family film or a cartoon is a great way to end the day, but if you watch too much TV, your child may have trouble lying down and falling asleep.
6. Create a calm atmosphere before bed.
Try to make sure that the child calms down in the evening: give the baby a warm bath, read a fairy tale, pour a glass of warm milk, rock the baby or sing a lullaby. Let all your movements be measured and smooth!
Young parents are always worried if their baby’s behavior differs from the “generally accepted norms.” If a child sleeps or eats less than expected, cries and is capricious all the time, the mother immediately begins to sound the alarm. The fact that a baby does not sleep or sleeps very little and irregularly always makes his parents worry. “Infants, especially newborns, always sleep a lot,” we read in manuals for young mothers or in some publications on pediatrics. However, this is not always the case; the daily routine of some children differs significantly from the daily routine of other children, and in any case there is no need to panic. You just need to figure out why the baby is not sleeping and help him fall asleep sweetly and with pleasure.
Why does the baby not sleep or sleeps very little?
Infants, indeed, sleep most of the day, however, there are exceptions to the rule. The baby may not fall asleep because he is worried intestinal colic: Due to the bloating of the tummy, gas formation increases, which causes considerable discomfort. It also happens that after eating the baby cannot poop, which also prevents him from falling asleep. In any case, it won't hurt him light massage tummy, which is performed with circular stroking movements clockwise.
Also, the baby may not sleep, or sleep little due to a constant feeling of hunger, which is explained by the insufficient amount of milk from the mother or its low fat content. In this case, many mothers supplement their baby with formula milk, and at this time take measures to increase breast milk(eating high-calorie foods - milk, cheese, butter, nuts; intake medical supplies, increasing the level of lactation; adequate sleep and rest).
Baby infancy may not sleep due to discomfort associated with teething. Itching and pain can be reduced special gels and ointments that need to be used to treat the baby’s gums, you also need to give him a cooling teether - this will distract the baby and significantly reduce discomfort, after which the baby will be able to fall asleep. A baby may not sleep due to reluctance to part with mommy, because at this age he needs almost round-the-clock contact with her.
The baby can ask for the breast every hour, since being at the breast is so far the only way for him to communicate with his mother. And, of course, the fact that the baby sleeps little can be caused by his individual biological rhythms. He is who he is and he shouldn’t sleep as much as other kids his age sleep. He has his own temperament and daily routine, and the task of parents is to make the child’s sleep as comfortable as possible and always observe the baby’s bedtime ritual.
Helping your baby sleep
The baby may not sleep if he feels that mommy is nervous or very tense. Therefore, when putting your baby to bed, you need to relax as much as possible, enjoying the unforgettable moments of communication with him. In addition, you should not play noisy games with your child before bedtime; you should avoid overstimulating him. If the baby does not sleep or constantly wakes up, try to avoid being in a large number of people in the apartment for a while, protect the baby from excess impressions. The child needs to create comfortable conditions for sleeping: the room should not be too light or dark, stuffy or hot: the ideal air temperature is 18-22 degrees, you also need to take care of the air humidity - no less than 50 and no more than 70%.
Many children quickly and soundly fall asleep after taking a relaxing bath with herbs: chamomile and string. It is necessary to allow the baby to swim independently from the first months, using a special circle that is placed around the baby’s neck. The baby will be pleasantly tired, relaxed and will sleep soundly and sweetly. Before going to bed, you need to feed your child properly, sing him a gentle lullaby, and pat him on the back.
If the baby categorically refuses to fall asleep in the crib on his own, you can remove or lower the front wall from his crib, move it closer to yours, hold the baby by the hand or stroke him - this way he will feel his mother’s presence and his sleep will become stronger.
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