The easiest way to solve any life problems! Problem solving.

Fragment from the book by Richard Newton. From words to action! 9 steps to making your dreams come true. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014.

With this book, you will draw up an action plan, create a visual diagram of achieving your goal, breaking the difficult path into clear, short and achievable stages, and begin to systematically move towards your dream, be it your own business, a new profession or professional skills in playing a musical instrument.

Problem solving - part Everyday life. And you have to be prepared for them, especially when you're working towards achieving a big dream. The more ambitious and complex it is, the more often you will encounter difficulties, and serious ones at that. As your ambitions grow, you will become increasingly dependent on your ability to confront circumstances and learn from your mistakes.

Fortunately, insurmountable problems are extremely rare. And many of them can be considered far-fetched, since we create them ourselves when we start to panic and lose control of ourselves. When faced with a problem, we sometimes don't give ourselves enough time to think about why it's happening and possible ways changes in the situation. And most importantly, we don’t draw conclusions and don’t learn.

Not giving up and working hard to achieve your dreams requires both courage and a willingness to put in serious effort. In this chapter we will try to help you understand that problems are nothing special, they can be solved in one way or another. We'd like you to treat them as normal, so we'll show you how to draw conclusions and learn. By following our advice, you will significantly increase your chances of success and learn to take into account your own experience.

Sources of problems

Challenges are obstacles and difficulties that must be overcome in order to achieve a goal. As a rule, they arise from various reasons and are often the result of our own mistakes and failures. There are several factors that usually lead to problems. To identify them as early as possible, we advise you to regularly ask yourself the questions listed below.

• Am I really doing what I need to do and getting results? There is no point in deceiving yourself by evaluating your work unreasonably positively. Do you see real, measurable results from the work you undertake? Very often we do not achieve our goals and encounter problems because we are not fully immersed in our work. But if you allow yourself to be lazy and indulge your weaknesses, you are unlikely to make serious progress towards your dream, and problems cannot be avoided either.
• Do I understand what resources will be needed to take the next step?

When we start working on our dreams, we don’t have a complete idea of ​​what exactly we will need along the way. Therefore, you should constantly ask yourself what resources will be needed in the next step. Most often we miss some details at the very beginning - and it is important that everything you need is at hand at the right time, and not sometime later.

• Do the people who help me and work with me understand well what needs to be done, what we have already achieved and how the situation has changed? Almost always, the weakest link in a project is communication between participants. For some reason we think that those around us completely understand us, although often we don’t even give them complete information about what we expect from them. In our opinion, they know the same thing as we do, therefore, in general, everything is known and understandable. We believe that colleagues and partners know how the situation is changing and what needs to be done in the new conditions. It is very, very important to check and double-check that everyone knows and understands everything, especially if you feel that communication between participants is poor. This way you can avoid at least some problems. The fewer assumptions you make, the better the information will be conveyed about what is truly important and relevant.
• Am I developing paranoia? Some people think too much about what might happen. Sometimes we want to avoid failure or mistakes so badly that the thought of it completely paralyzes us. And in general, if you think a lot about potential troubles, you can provoke problems that would not have arisen with a more calm attitude to what is happening. Fear of failure often prevents you from giving your best to your dream. So don’t allow yourself to worry too much and think about possible difficulties, better work harder!

How to avoid problems

One simple and efficient technique Solving problems will help you avoid many of them. From time to time, be sure to ask yourself two questions that we have already discussed earlier in this book.

1. What is most likely to go wrong, and what can you do to avoid it?
2. What can improve your chances of success?

Whenever you achieve significant results and add new data to the map, ask yourself these questions, remembering to take into account the real situation, changes that have occurred in your project since work on it began, as well as potential changes. The further you move along the path to your dream, the more detailed you will be able to answer these questions, because you will begin to better understand what else is needed in order to make your dream come true, what techniques work more effectively and where failure may lie in wait.

In addition, the experience you gain will help you spot new opportunities and increase your chances of success. Use them to avoid some problems. You will become more confident as you gain new experiences.

How to solve a problem

The main thing in solving a problem is to understand what it is and not give in to fears and anxiety. There's nothing worse than panicking and trying to change something you don't fully understand. This way you can ruin everything without finding any solution. We offer you some tips that will help you overcome many difficulties that arise during your work.

• If you feel like you are overreacting to an incident, try to calm down. What can help here? Go somewhere where you can relax, treat yourself to something nice, take a walk or something similar.
• Try to explain to someone you trust what happened. After discussing the problem, you will not only calm down, but you will also immediately discover some mistakes that you would not notice if you began to dialogue with yourself. Describe the chronology of events as accurately as possible. Do not miss any details, even minor ones, and most importantly, listen to the questions and comments of your interlocutor.
• If you are working on a team, be sure to discuss what happened with everyone on the team. Listen carefully to their point of view in order to compare with your considerations, pay attention to discrepancies in assessments. During such conversations, the cause of the problem is easily identified.
• When starting work, you probably made various assumptions and assumptions. Be sure to check that they are correct, especially for those parts of the plan where you experienced failure. We all tend to make assumptions without checking their truth. Troubles most often arise because we start from the wrong premises at the very beginning of our work.
• Having dealt with what is happening, do not rush to blame yourself or someone else for the failure. Finding someone to blame is unlikely to help find a constructive way out of a difficult situation. Direct all your efforts to get the most positive result possible in the current situation. Think about the best way to move forward and solve the problem quickly.
• Take the time to discuss everything with your team, internalize the lessons learned, and draw conclusions from them. What can I do to avoid this in the future? Don't assume that everyone, including you, will do it correct conclusions unless you at least discuss what happened. The more concerned you are about a problem, the more important it is to draw conclusions and discuss them with your team.

Give up everything that doesn't work

Successful people know how to quickly figure out what doesn’t work and give up on an unsuccessful idea in time. Teachers and parents probably warned you how important it is to be able to quit a hopeless business - as long as you don't give up on your dream. Change the wrong tactics, give up the wrong path, but don’t give up on your dreams. Every day we make mistakes, as a result of which we understand what is effective and what is not. Mistakes, to a much greater extent than successes, help humanity develop.

As you work to achieve your dreams, prepare for the fact that everyone involved in the project will make mistakes. If you learn quickly, adjust your tactics and begin to move forward more successfully, mistakes will come back to you positive side. To be defeated once does not mean to fail completely. But the inability to take into account negative experiences and change behavior certainly leads to failure.

It is also important to pay attention to what problems you usually encounter. Suppose that from time to time you use the wrong tactics, but have not yet realized this and, accordingly, have not drawn any conclusions. If you feel like the same problem is happening over and over again, or if you see a pattern in a series of troubles, then you haven't noticed or recognized the repeating mistakes. If so, try to apply the problem-solving techniques we recommend and reflect on how you approach things in general. Talk to other people and, as soon as you understand what you are doing wrong, stop doing it. As Albert Einstein said, “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a new result is insanity.”

Don't be afraid to change your approach to work and see what happens. Most often, no radical changes are required: small improvements lead to great results and increase the chances of success.

Don't give up on your dream

Don't give up on your dream just because you're faced with a problem and don't know what to do now. Be patient, both with yourself and with others. Give yourself time to understand what is happening. Jonas Salk* said: “There is no such thing as failure, only a lack of perseverance.”

*Jonas Salk (1914–1995) - American researcher, virologist; known as the developer of the first polio vaccine. Note ed.

As you work towards your dream and learn more, you will begin to have a better idea of ​​the outcome and a clearer vision of how to achieve your goal. We strongly advise you to adjust your map whenever you learn something new and important. Refining your map and defining your dream more clearly is great practice. But giving up a dream halfway is no good. By doing this, you will only increase your own fears, undermine your self-confidence, and then it will become more difficult to develop. The more often you give up on your goals, the less likely it is that you will be able to achieve any of what you dream of.

How do I know if I'm doing everything right?

You can understand that everything is going as it should, that you are persistent enough and are successfully coping with problems:

• You talk calmly about the problems you face. When you are calm, you work through a problem from a rational rather than an emotional point of view and are more likely to find the optimal solution.
• You don't lose your sense of humor. If you are still able to laugh at your own mistakes, this means that you have accepted them, drawn conclusions and moved on.
• You understand well what you need to do differently now to avoid problems like the one you just encountered. You can't wait to continue working on making your dreams come true.
• As problems arise, you feel more and more confident and you no longer doubt that you will cope with them.
• The same problem doesn't happen over and over again. Even if difficulties appear, they can be considered new.

See also: What is your problem? © R. Newton. From words to action! 9 steps to making your dreams come true. - M.: Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2014.
© Published with permission from the publisher

Problems in life arise in the life of every person all the time, but, unfortunately, not everyone knows how to cope with them. There are those who prefer to stand quietly in a trench rather than a heroic battle, waiting for the enemy to leave on his own or for someone to come to their defense. This position is fundamentally wrong, and this approach to problems must be decisively combated.

How, instead of hiding from them or waiting for someone to solve them for us, experts in human psychology know. Due to the increase in general stress modern life psychologists willingly share with others valuable advice on overcoming life’s difficulties. They all agree that every person should, at all costs, learn to independently solve problems that arise.

Identify a specific problem and its importance

A problem can be considered the loss of keys and dismissal from work, tooth loss and Sometimes a person can classify it as a problem life situation, which he has never encountered and which forces him to take unusual actions, knocking him out of his psychological comfort zone. Therefore, before driving yourself into stress, it is worth considering whether the problem is far-fetched.

At the same time, it is important to clearly highlight existing problems. You may even have to make a list listing them. The next thing to do is to determine the weight and urgency of solving each problem. It is important to understand which ones should be resolved first and which ones can wait. You should not rush to solve everything in one fell swoop, as you may simply not have enough strength for this, and the quality of such a solution is greatly reduced.

Develop the Right View

Once the true problems have been identified and the order of their resolution has been lined up, it is necessary to move on to the next step - forming the correct view of them. Of course, the complexity of situations varies, however, before you begin to resolve each of them, you need to think about what useful things can be learned from it. It sounds strange? Not at all.

Solving every problem requires you to demonstrate one or several qualities at once. This means that the development or training of certain character traits can be considered a positive aspect of each of them. Moreover, in difficult situations we can become more active and smart, we learn to think and behave outside the box. According to scientists, leaving the psychologically comfortable zone is the best path for a person to personal growth.

Calm your emotions and make a plan

Before solving problems, you need to pacify your emotions. Panic and anger do not allow us to soberly assess the situation and our actions; under the influence of feelings, we tend to act illogically. Almost everyone who has at least once made a decision based on emotions immediately and later regretted it more than once.

To successfully solve various problems in life, you need to draw up a detailed plan of your actions. It is worth starting to compile it immediately after emotions have subsided and the ability to think sensibly and rationally has returned. Do not forget that a plan to overcome a problem is just an outline consisting of proposed actions. It is necessary to prepare in advance for the fact that it will have to be adjusted. Moreover, this can happen both before the start of its implementation and during it.

Confront the Fear of Failure

Often the biggest obstacle to how to solve problems is fear. It paralyzes and prevents you from seeing clearly what is happening. Usually our greatest fear is failure, we are afraid that the plan we have drawn up will turn out to be a complete failure or that additional unexpected difficulties will arise. How to solve the problem associated with your own fear?

First, try not to get hung up on the idea that something won't work out. Drive away these thoughts like your most terrible enemy. There is only one way to overcome fear - by accepting it and doing what you are afraid of. Try to imagine in the opposite direction. Imagine that everything worked out for you, feel in your imagination the taste of success and the satisfaction that you have achieved your goal and the problem is left behind.

To understand how to solve problems yourself, in some situations it would be useful to talk about what is tormenting you with those you trust. Sometimes this alone can help, because while you are presenting the whole essence of what is happening, highlighting the main thing and trying to convey it to the listener in clear language, everything in your head will also become clearer and fall into place. It is possible that after this a decision will suddenly dawn on you.

If this does not happen, then close person, whom you have dedicated to the essence of your problem, firstly, can help you emotionally, and secondly, can give you loving and compassionate advice. It would be especially good if this person ever faced a similar problem in his life. Or maybe you can find someone who can provide practical help?

Picture your downfall

A great psychologist advises to get rid of panic fear before failure, look it straight in the eye. In other words, you need to believe in success, but at the same time clearly realize that no one in this world is completely immune from anything. Why think about failure, isn't it discouraging?

Dale Carnegie explains this by saying that in a problematic situation, a fiasco for many means the end of life. They are terrified even for a moment to imagine that everything will end in the worst way for them, and they have no idea how they will live after that. According to the psychologist, having thought through our actions in advance if everything does not go as we hope, we protect ourselves from panic fear of such a turn of events and will not be completely confused if everything happens.

Assess the problem globally

When you need to solve a problem, try to look at it from a different perspective. For example, if you have nothing to wear, look at your problem through the eyes of a legless cripple. And if you are upset because you quarreled with your husband, look at your problem from the perspective of a recently widowed woman. If you are not satisfied with the quality of your life, go to the cemetery. A bit gloomy? Believe me, this will help move your problem at least a little from the central place in your life.

Or you can try this - look at the Earth, at yourself and at your problem from space. Can you imagine how small she will seem then? Imagination, it turns out, can be used for such useful purposes. Also, when a problem that has arisen puts too much pressure on us, we can try to imagine how we will remember it in a year or five years. Maybe then she'll turn into funny story from the life with which we will amuse our friends?

Don’t forget about rest and don’t “saw sawdust”

Psychologists who know better than others how to solve problems with the least possible losses for themselves advise not to forget that the body always needs rest. Experiencing stress that consumes the lion's share energy produced by the body, a person is deprived of strength. Adequate physical and emotional rest will help increase their number.

Particularly weakening a person is constant regret about something that caused the problem or prevented it from being successfully overcome. You shouldn’t “saw sawdust,” that is, return your thoughts to the past again and again in order to properly regret it. This doesn't make any sense. If your pressing problem concerns something that cannot be changed, try to distract yourself from it and not constantly scroll through it in your head. You will no longer influence what happened, but your thoughts greatly influence what can happen to your health.

Armed with expert advice, you can safely fight your problems. It would be foolish to expect some kind of miraculous end to this fight, but thanks to the right approach problems will be solved much easier, you can count on that without a doubt. Remember, everyone is capable of solving their problems on their own, and no one is assigned to do this dirty work for you.

Today I will share with you the technology for solving any life problems. It works even in cases where, at first glance, there are no solutions. Read this article to the end, I have prepared a gift for you.

When it comes to problems, one wonderful anecdote comes to mind. During the interview they ask the question: “What talents do you have?” The candidate thinks and answers: “I have one talent: I can turn any basic task into a hopeless situation with a bunch of problems.”

Most of humanity has this talent. In simple words this is called “making a molehill out of a molehill.” Why is this happening? main reason- this is an attempt to solve a problem while being in an excited state emotional state. Remember the fragment from the movie “The Diamond Arm”: Chief, everything is gone.”

In 2008, when my wife was eight months pregnant, the head of the company where I worked announced the closure of the business. How? Why? Why now? Thoughts popped into my head: “What now?” “How to repay a loan taken out at 36% per annum?” “I’m giving birth in a month, but there’s no money and debts are through the roof...” How did this end? internal dialogue on emotions? Three days of rest with high pressure. Did I solve this problem by working myself into a white heat? Of course not, I only strengthened it. What happened three days later? I calmed down and started solving this problem. First, I called all the suppliers and asked for help in finding a suitable job option. Most automatically answered what they would mean (it’s not clear: me, my situation, or...)

This incident gave me the opportunity to determine who is who in my environment. One person responded. His name is Dmitry, to whom I will be grateful until the end of my days. He introduced me to a wonderful and decent person, my current business mentor, Pavel Viktorovich, and a new round of my career and personal development began in my career.

Analyzing this situation now, I understand that when any problem arises, you need to ask yourself the questions not “Why?”, but “For what?” Behind the solution to any problem, there is always an equal or greater opportunity.

I want to say a few words about the questions. Asking yourself an endless series of questions “Why?” You are heating up emotions that overshadow all common sense. And you drive yourself into a dead end. Of course, you need to understand the reason for this obstacle, but the question should be formulated as follows: “What does this problem signal and what will its solution lead to?” Problems and obstacles are training.

How to give yourself first ambulance when another test comes into your life. Usually everyone says: “Calm down, everything will be fine, etc.” How to calm down? And what does it mean to calm down?

So, as soon as life throws another challenge at you, you need to remember “ Golden Rule": "Never solve problems using emotions." Remember what happens to you when you encounter problems? The pulse quickens, the breathing becomes erratic, the head is a mess... Simply put, panic. A simple breathing exercise will help you calm down.

Take a deep breath, raising your arms up as if trying to absorb as much as possible, and lower your arms as you exhale. Let's do this exercise together. While doing this, concentrate on your breathing. Try to make the inhalation and exhalation as long as possible and each of them takes from 15 seconds to 30 seconds. Repeat several times if necessary. The result of this exercise will be the normalization of pulse and breathing and the readiness to move from the problem to its solution.

If this action does not help, move on to plan B. Put the problem aside and go for a walk fresh air. I'm quite serious... The only exception: someone feels bad and requires an immediate response. In all other cases, half an hour in the fresh air will bring benefits many times more than you will continue to sit and be dumb, not knowing what to do. Believe me, nothing fatal will happen in 30 minutes.

After your walk, start looking for a solution. The most wonderful exercise “Brainstorming” will help us with this. To complete this we need a pen and a sheet of paper. It can be done alone or with other people.

What is it for? When a problem arises, it stands in front of us like a concrete wall and prevents us from seeing what opportunities lie behind it. Our task is to “push” this wall so that it becomes a bridge between the place where we are now and where we want to go. Simply put, turn the problem into a subgoal.

The technology is very simple. Write your problem at the top of a piece of paper. Then start writing down all the solutions that come to mind. Forget about all sorts of possibles and impossibles, nonsense is not nonsense, real or not, don’t edit, don’t think, don’t suppress your imagination, otherwise you might miss the most interesting thing. Just get all your ideas out on paper. All ideas are good. Brainstorming helps you get rid of the “garbage” in your head and helps you believe that there is more than one way out of the situation. Nothing excites us to action more than clarity of direction.

Once you've run out of ideas, choose a few options that excite you the most, even though they may be intimidating in their scope. Do not delete the remaining options. Try to find at least something in them that can help you.

Once the solution options have been identified, write down a plan for achievement and immediately begin targeted actions.

When any problem arises, you need to understand the main thing: “Never in our life do problems arise that are beyond our ability and that behind every problem lies the same or even greater opportunity.” This understanding will add confidence that you can cope with any problem.

And now the promised gift. If you have a problem that you cannot solve on your own, voice it in the comments to this video and I will choose the three most interesting options and I will help you find solutions absolutely free. If this problem really bothers you, hurry up.

That's all for today. See you again, friends.

Problems in sobriety were, are and remain, and they are not going away. Don't think that if you stop drinking, your life will automatically blossom. No. In this article we will talk about how to solve sobriety problems. You will become familiar with the universal tank method, which will allow you to smash any problem to smithereens.

You will feel much better, which will create a platform for further changes. But the old problems will not go away. And you need to roll up your sleeves, pick up a shovel and clear out the accumulated problems in your life. Because now you will not be able to turn away from them, hide in alcohol, cigarettes and other addictions.

You must face problems head on, plan to solve them, and take action every day.

Once you've gotten stronger and your sobriety is stable, you need to figure out how to get yourself out of the mess you're in. Wrapping it in a wrapper and saying it’s candy won’t work anymore.

You drank for many years, and during this time new problems and tasks appeared that required solutions, and you often simply ignored them. And old problems have intensified and become global. In short, there is something to rake.

How to solve problems in sobriety

A sober approach to problem solving includes the following points:

1. Realize what specifically doesn’t suit you in life. Write it down and be aware of it " Yes, damn it, I don't like it and never have. But I'm going to do something about it!" Identify the problem.
2. Answer the question what you can do to solve this problem.

And it doesn't matter how long it takes to solve it. Maybe a week will be enough, or maybe a whole year will not be enough.

1. Then make a specific and real plan, How to solve this problem. Write everything down point by point.
2. Then take action day by day. Your actions must be consistent. They may be very small, but constant.

The tank method is about doing small things towards a goal every day. There are obstacles along the way, but you continue to move forward no matter what.

You could have successfully taken the first three steps when you were in. You could even then understand what you don’t like in your life. Perhaps it was this understanding that aggravated your alcohol addiction. But what you couldn't do was act systematically. You could do something there for a day or two, and then you forgot (or forgot) about your goal, changed the goal, abandoned plans, stopped considering it necessary, and so on. What difference does it make which one you found? an excuse to kill your next target?

Now is your chance. Systematic ordinary actions are the key to achieving the goal. This is the tank method.

Over the years, I have read about a hundred books on the topic of goals, plans and motivation. But for myself, I have made only two rules that work flawlessly.

1. If you do nothing, nothing will happen
2. To achieve a goal, you don't have to give up on it.

What is the difference between a sober person and an addict in how to solve problems?

The attitude of a sober person is that he understands that even a small goal in life requires some effort: over a long time. And only then is the result possible.

Chaotic movement, when you rush from solving one problem to another, will not lead to the desired result.

A person who is dependent wants to receive all at once. In his opinion, something miraculous is going to happen and his life will magically change. It seems to him that he deserves more and that life itself owes him. It is called magical thinking.

A sober person refuses this type of thinking.

The position of a sober person is to act systematically and constantly in the direction of his goals (tank method).

And even if these are ordinary steps, they are real. Due to consistency and due to the fact that a sober person takes action every day, it is possible to solve all problems. And then a result is possible that can exceed all expectations.

Give up the idea of ​​solving all problems in one fell swoop . Give yourself time.

Same with sobriety. You don’t intend to wake up tomorrow as if you’ve never had a drink. You understand that in order to regain a comfortable state, a certain time must pass - 6-18 months. And even then the work will continue. This - sober position, correct and adult, which should extend to other areas of your life.

The main virtue on your path will be tolerance. Tolerance in everything plus the ability to solve problems gradually and consistently is a fail-safe method for improving life.

Slowly and surely, you must sweep your side of the street.

You must clear out the rubble that is your life - pebble by pebble. And even if the growth is unnoticeable, know it is there. It continues constantly, unless, of course, you are marking time.

Flexible planning in problem solving

Flexible planning involves changing the plan in accordance with new circumstances (but not changing the goal itself)

Action planning should be flexible. If you have made a plan, but in reality new circumstances appear, you may feel that life ruins your plan. No. Your plan is imperfect! This plan did not take into account the real circumstances that emerged in the process. And that's okay. Your plan must be flexible - this is the secret of any achievement.

Planning flexibility involves adjusting the plan as problems are solved to suit changing life circumstances.

Understand that you cannot plan for everything at once. And sometimes the changes will be so dramatic that your entire plan may be thrown out of whack. Then you need to adjust the plan according to the new experience and knowledge gained.

If you are sure that your goal is chosen correctly, you don’t have to give it up at the slightest difficulty.

Don't be upset if you can't solve all the problems right away, give yourself a break, give yourself a temporary rest, and then try again.

Instead of a conclusion

Life in sobriety is not a fairy tale. But it is a sober life that allows you to really learn how to solve problems so that the final goal is achieved. The process of solving problems itself can be enjoyable when your energy is not stolen by all kinds of addictions, and you act in reality.

You work calmly every day, gradually creating a life that a person in addiction can only dream of, but for you it will become a reality.

And finally, a video in which I will tell you how to solve problems and achieve goals in sobriety.

What to do if you don't know how to solve the problem. Hopeless situations.
When difficult life circumstances arise in our lives, we, as a rule, plunge headlong into our experiences, asking questions: “Why do I need this?”, “Why did this happen to me?”, which do not help us at all, but on the contrary , worsen our psycho-emotional state.

We concentrate even more on the problem that bothers us, immerse ourselves in negative emotions, we devote most of our time to searching for solutions and still cannot find it. We get upset and lose faith in ourselves. Most people, not seeing a way out of the situation, gradually come to terms with negative changes and continue to go with the flow of life, hoping that over time everything will be resolved and the current will take them to a more favorable shore.

Remember, when we are fixated on a problem, we look at the world and perceive it through the prism of this problem, and do not notice the rest, and this may be the key to overcoming this difficulty.

You need to realize one truth: there is always a solution, and we know about it.
Eat 2 important points , to which I would like to draw your attention:

– there are no hopeless situations, there are solutions that we don’t like
– due to the fact that solving a problem may require leaving your comfort zone, overcoming your fears, working on yourself, we often block the awareness of such a solution, and can walk in circles for a long time in search of a way out.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN'T SEE A WAY OUT?

1. Answer questions honestly:

– How do you perceive your role in organizing your own life?
– Do you think that you can have a decisive influence on your future?

Listed below are some possible reactions to difficult life circumstances. Your task is to determine to what extent they are inherent in you:
“life is cruel/unfair to me”;
“I can’t do anything about it, it’s not in my power”;
“I want changes, but they are impossible under such circumstances”;
“no matter what I do, it’s all in vain, tomorrow something will go wrong again”;
“This is a punishment from above, apparently I was guilty of something.”

If you recognize your reactions in any of the statements listed, ask yourself how often do you resort to them? Answering these three questions will give you a deeper understanding of how much control you really have in your own life and how much responsibility you take for what happens.

2. It is necessary to distance yourself from the problem..

When difficult circumstances occur in our lives, or as we think hopeless situations, we become completely involved in them emotionally and our attention is narrowed so much that we notice almost nothing except the immediate problem. When we step out of character actor, that is, a subject to whom something happened and we take the position of an observer, we can learn a lot of new things about this problem. Our vision of what happened changes, emotions subside and we are now able to notice those nuances that we did not pay attention to before.

3. The “advice to a friend” technique works great.

Ask yourself:
– What would I advise a friend who found himself in a similar situation?

This is another way to distance ourselves from the problem, reduce emotional involvement and partially relieve responsibility for the solutions we propose. It is the unwillingness to bear responsibility for the consequences of our choice that prevents us from realizing how often there is an obvious way out of the situation and causes delay in making a decision. I recommend you watch my video on how to learn to make decisions.

4. Fear of making the wrong choice – another reason why the situation may seem hopeless. As I said, there is always a way out, but we are afraid to make the wrong decision, and therefore we often begin to ignore the problem, try to find ways to escape from it, someone escapes from reality by immersing themselves in entertainment, computer games, watching TV series, and someone finds peace in alcohol, drugs, and so on.

It is important to realize that the right and wrong decision is a myth; we cannot know in advance how our choice will turn out until we set foot on the chosen path. I talk more about this in my video “Why is it so difficult to make a decision?”

5. Another recommendation for finding the best solution is give freedom to your creativity . Take a piece of paper or a voice recorder, whichever is more convenient for you, describe your problem situation and then you need to do the following. Record the time, say 5 minutes, set an alarm, and start recording everyone possible solutions. The main condition is not to criticize yourself and the options that will flash in your head. Your goal is to capture as many ideas as possible, and in this case limited time will force you to focus as much as possible on finding solutions. Next step– is to choose the best of all options for solving your problem.

6. If none of the methods I suggested help you find a way out of the situation, then just give yourself time. State your question and let your unconscious find the most suitable solution. At first glance, such a recommendation seems somehow magical and smacks of esoteric teachings. However, if you understand the process from a psychological point of view, everything falls into place and the picture becomes clearer. Our behavior, daily choices and actions are determined largely by our unconscious. In addition, often some ideas and desires are rejected at the level of consciousness as unrealistic, delusional, difficult to achieve, inappropriate, and so on. And the amount of information that we are aware of is very, very limited.

I like the analogy of an iceberg, where the tip is our consciousness, and everything that is hidden under the water, that is, the main part of the iceberg, is the unconscious. The technique that I offer works great if you begin to trust yourself more, you will be open to new things coming from the outside and your inner world information, you will be attentive to what is happening around you in order to notice clues in time and take advantage of them.

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