"My arguments are limited to the assertion that mental
the disease is a myth whose function is to disguise,
and thereby make the bitter pill more edible
moral conflicts that arise in relationships
between people".
Professor of Psychiatry Dr. Thomas Szasz.
Quite often, people whose relatives or friends have problems turn to the Civil Commission on Human Rights mental nature, including those manifested in the form of severe attacks and antisocial behavior.
Even though I am not a doctor and cannot give medical recommendations or advice, I decided to write this article based on my own experience when I encountered similar cases. Every time any help to people with mental problems was based on real medical care from ordinary doctors (not psychiatrists) and it was always supplemented by the care and support of loved ones.
When writing this material, I will refer to the arguments of doctors, including psychiatrists, when it comes to medical problems.
This material is presented in the form of questions that people who contacted us actually asked, and answers to them. If you have encountered cases not described below, write to me and I will cover them in the next article.
HOW TO BEHAVIOR WITH PEOPLE (NEIGHBORS, RELATIVES, ETC.) WHO BEHAVIOR STRANGE?
The first thing you need to understand and realize is that people with oddities and special needs have ALWAYS existed. I'm talking about strange behavior that is not antisocial and does not threaten your safety. About it we'll talk further.
All people are different, and no one can formulate for you the criteria for a person’s normality. Each of us judges the normality of others through the prism of our own understanding of normal and abnormal.
So that you understand, in psychiatry the criteria for normality and abnormality of a person have not yet been formulated. There is no such description in any textbook on psychiatry. Psychiatrists themselves speak openly about this. That is, when making a diagnosis, none of them is based on any objective criteria - only on their own opinion. And how many psychiatrists, so many opinions.
Therefore, trust the determination of a person’s normality to a psychiatrist or some other specialist in the field mental health- a waste of time and, often, money. Time can be wasted on meaningless “treatment” with psychotropic drugs, which turns a person into a psychiatric invalid, and after that additional time must be spent to take the person off psychotropic drugs and carry out the necessary rehabilitation to at least return him to his original state.
There have always been strange people, but the ATTITUDE towards them before the advent of psychiatry was different.
ANY human behavior that seems strange to YOU can be called strange. For someone else, such behavior will not be strange.
A person may sit for hours and talk to himself, or he may do some very simple work for a very long time (for example, making the bed or combing his hair, etc.), or the person may see some strange images or pictures.
Before the advent of psychiatry, such “strange” people simply received more tolerance and sympathy from others. Such people could often live near a church, where they were fed and provided medical care, if they needed it. They were treated with respect, without labeling them as “mentally ill.”
Often such people showed themselves well in one type of activity - in art, in caring for domestic animals, when working in the fields or in the garden. They were given jobs and given the opportunity to do what they liked, thus making the "strange" people normal members of society.
As was noted a long time ago, people who often become hysterical for no reason or who often become despondent and depressed state, experienced elation when their surroundings changed, that is, when they moved to live from one place to another, or when the people around them completely changed.
There are known cases where women experienced " postpartum depression"in cases where they simply left the family and their husband, who put pressure on the woman and/or forced her to do something she did not want. Of course, this approach is not a panacea, but it was one of the ways out to maintain mental health .
There are many examples in history when people, including famous personalities having serious mental problems, went to live in special hotels or shelters, where they were provided with shelter, clothing, food, and medical care. In this way, they simply got rid of the oppressive environment around them and their state of mind improved.
No one forced people to stay in such houses - they could freely leave from there. at will– there were no bars, locks on the doors or other things restricting freedom.
Of course, about 70% of strange behavior, such as hallucinations, excessive slowness or excitability, etc., can be the cause of serious advanced medical diseases in the body. I write about this below. I am now only talking about those manifestations when a person behaves in some unusual way and this is not associated with a real advanced physical disease - this really can happen.
So what to do if you encounter a similar manifestation in your environment?
First of all, be tolerant and understand that being aggressive towards a person or trying to tie them up and place them in mental asylum will lead nowhere and will not make a person “normal”. Taking psychotropic drugs will also not add normality to a person - rather, it will make him even more abnormal (see).
Look for the real cause of mental problems if this is yours close person. Find relatives or close people of the person and let him read, which very well describes real medical diseases, symptoms of which may be behind mental problems. If the person in question is lonely, talk to him and encourage him to take care of his own health - go and get a comprehensive medical examination.
A person may have, for example, tumors, serious problems with hormones thyroid gland(which may cause aggression, apathetic state, etc.), he may have diabetes, advanced genital tract infection, intoxication, not to mention the absence good nutrition and rest. All of these diseases have symptoms (which do not always occur) that can be mistaken for a psychotic state. When a psychiatrist sees a person sitting for hours in deep apathy, he usually sends him not to a therapist for diagnosis, but to a mental hospital.
A few weeks ago, a woman called me and asked how she should deal with her neighbor living upstairs, who often comes to her in the evenings and accuses her of allegedly wanting to evict her from her own apartment. This neighbor was not aggressive, she communicated politely, but she was extremely “strange” and intrusive in her behavior. In addition, at night she apparently moved heavy objects on the floor, which interfered with the restful sleep of the woman who called me.
The first thing I asked the woman to find out was whether her neighbor was taking psychotropic drugs, since inappropriate behavior could be a consequence of taking them. The woman talked with her neighbors, and also gently questioned the neighbor and found out that the neighbor had never been registered with a psychiatrist and did not take psychotropic medications.
NOTE: If you are faced with a situation where a person exhibiting strange behavior, even if not aggressive, is already taking psychotropic drugs, then you need to be well aware that such behavior may be due to TAKEN PSYCHOTROPIC DRUGS (see the report "Exposing the dangers of antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs"). This is a well-known medical fact that should never be overlooked BEFORE drawing conclusions and planning further steps to help a person. If you decide to help a person “get off” psychotropic drugs, then this can only be done under the supervision of a doctor, since stopping taking such drugs on your own can be life-threatening. But it is POSSIBLE to “get off” psychotropic drugs, even if you have been taking them for many years. I personally know several psychiatrists who take people off psychotropic medications, and I know that they have consistently been successful when the patient himself has expressed a desire to stop taking them.
Let's return to the case of the woman who called me. Next, I gave her information that if she calls psychiatric team ambulance in order to get rid of an obsessive neighbor, then she will simply be immediately placed in a psychiatric hospital and started injecting her, which will turn the woman into a psychiatric invalid and will not solve her problems. That is, having returned from the psychiatric hospital, the neighbor may become even more “strange” and aggressive, and in addition to this we will also get a psychiatric “drug addict” (people, after leaving the psychiatric hospital, are forced to continue taking psychotropic drugs, often for the rest of their lives, since such drugs are addictive), living with you in the same building, from whom you can expect anything.
After this, I asked the woman to find out if her neighbor had any relatives in order to find out what medical care can be provided to a woman in order to clarify the reasons for her “strange” behavior. It turned out that the neighbor has a son who lives in another country. The woman called her son, gave him information about what was happening to his mother and recommended a medical examination of his mother, citing the report “Is there an alternative to psychotropic drugs?” The son, it turns out, knew that his mother sometimes behaves “strangely” and promised to help with a medical examination. As a result, a few weeks later the son sent his mother to good sanatorium for several weeks, where the mother was able to rest, undergo professional medical diagnostics and necessary treatment. Today, the neighbor no longer bothers the woman who called as she did before - she returned from the sanatorium, lives in her apartment and her behavior has changed for the better.
However, this story cannot be a universal recommendation for other similar situations, since everyone is different, people are different, and there are no universal solutions.
But the main thing I want to emphasize in such cases is to be tolerant. Yes, it is very difficult to live with a person who, to put it mildly, is “strange,” but we all exist in society and bear a certain responsibility for each other, no matter how pompous it may sound. Learn to be understanding of others' "weirdnesses" and always be aware of your surroundings and physical condition such a person, so as not to miss the real reason for his behavior.
Here's another case. Several years ago I met a woman who had a six-year-old daughter. The daughter was a wonderful child without any external features and flaws, but at six years old she did not speak at all.
At the same time, the girl quite actively communicated non-verbally with the people around her, played, and showed adequate emotions. The mother also conducted a full medical examination of her daughter in order to exclude the cause. medical problem with the body. But the girl stubbornly did not speak.
After watching the mother treat her daughter for several days, I realized what could be the reason why the daughter refuses to talk. The mother was so authoritarian towards her daughter that I couldn’t even imagine that this could happen. She forbade her daughter to eat whatever she wanted - the daughter should only eat the food that her mother gave; she forbade her to eat fruit without peeled skin, scolding her daughter if she took, for example, a peeled plum into her mouth; the mother made sure that her daughter was outside and played with her peers only by the hour - not a minute more, not a minute less; the mother very much limited the circle of people with whom the daughter was allowed to play and communicate - in fact, the only such people were the father and the daughter’s nanny. By the way, my daughter’s nannies changed very often, unable to withstand the pressure and constant beatings from their mother because they had done something wrong.
I can list for a long time what I observed, and at the same time, I saw that the mother really loves her daughter - she just takes care of her in this way. But this hypertrophied concern could well be the reason that the girl, refusing to speak, is simply showing her protest in this way - she is pushed around like a toy and is not allowed to show an ounce of individuality.
One of my friends, a well-known speech therapist, told me that any child with her begins to speak, even if he had not spoken before. She dealt with the most difficult cases. I told her about the girl and she agreed to host her at her center. After which, I gave the mother the contact of the speech therapist, but that was all over, as the mother stated that “she herself knows how her daughter will be better.”
I gave this example so that you understand that the environmental factor plays an important role in the manifestation of a person’s mental “oddities.”
A parent who is too intrusive, a spouse who tries to control every step, a brother or sister who devalues what a person does - all of this can serve as a detonator for a person to begin to withdraw into himself or show any other “weirdness”.
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR LOVED PERSON UNEXPECTEDLY STARTED BEHAVING VERY AGGRESSIVELY, TO THE EXTENT OF THREATENING TO KILL YOU, YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, OR THEMSELVES?
First you need to exclude the factor of a person taking psychotropic drugs. If this is the case, then, of course, it’s up to you to decide what to do with it next. I wrote about this in detail above.
I repeat that this is the most main factor, which can influence a person’s behavior, especially if the person is already taking psychotropic drugs long time.
Mania, aggression, psychosis, delirium, hallucinations, suicidal thoughts - these are just some of the manifestations of the consequences of taking psychotropic drugs, not to mention such problems with the body as: severe kidney damage, liver, intoxication, restlessness, tumors, heart failure, sudden cardiac arrest etc. (see the report “Exposing the dangers of antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs”).
I will give a real example of what was done when a person began to behave very aggressively.
A few years ago, we were contacted by friends of a young girl who one day stopped recognizing the people around her and began to show aggression towards herself, trying to throw herself in front of a car. The girl, being quite fragile, showed remarkable strength, so that even a hefty man could barely hold her.
Since the reason for her such behavior was not clear (the girl did not take psychotropic drugs, was never on a psychiatric register, lived in another city separately from her parents, worked and, in general, led an ordinary life), her friends and acquaintances, instead of calling ambulance psychiatric care, took the girl to the dacha of one of them in the nearest Moscow region.
The dacha was in a fairly quiet place, away from the roadway. At least two people were on duty with the girl around the clock, one of whom was qualified as a nurse or doctor. There was always a man on duty, since sometimes it was necessary to physically restrain aggression in a short time so that the girl does not harm herself and others. At the same time, bindings or fixation to the bed were never used, as happens in mental hospitals (this is how people are fixed in mental hospitals sometimes for several days). Usually, after a few minutes, the girl’s aggression subsided and the man let go of her hands, which he had previously held back.
If the girl did not sleep due to severe excitement, then she was given mild sedatives so that she could rest. If she refused to eat, she was given glucose and vitamins. The girl was not given any more drugs. This went on for about 1.5 months until the girl “came to her senses” - sooner or later, any person with aggressive behavior begins a period of decline in aggression. You need to know this. The main thing is during this period not to succumb to temptation and not to send a person to a psychiatric hospital, where they can pump him full of psychotropic drugs and make him a psychiatric invalid without finding out and eliminating the cause of his behavior.
Any doctor will confirm to you that a decline in aggression will occur sooner or later, REGARDLESS of whether a person takes psychotropic drugs or not. This confirms the fact that taking psychotropic drugs is useless in resolving the problem of severe mental disorders. Psychotropic drugs do not eliminate aggression; they make a person sick and, often, physically unable to express it without affecting the problem itself. It was as if he had been drugged with vodka to the point of unconsciousness.
When the expected decline in the girl’s aggressive behavior occurred, it was necessary to take effective measures to ensure that the attack of aggression did not recur.
Our heroine’s friends helped her undergo a full medical examination. When the doctor looked at the girl’s tests, even without seeing the patient yet and not knowing what happened to her, he said that, judging by the hormonal imbalance, she must have such hallucinations that she must not recognize those around her, not to mention other strange behavior. The whole problem was caused by a serious hormonal imbalance.
The girl was prescribed long-term hormone therapy under medical supervision (not psychiatric). As a result, she completed it and her attacks of aggression passed. And if she had been shown to a psychiatrist, she most likely would have ended her days in a hospital, tied to a bed. She would be pumped full of antipsychotics, which in themselves cause hormonal imbalance, and against the background of your already existing endocrinological problem, this could kill her. And psychiatry would get away with it, because “just think, another crazy woman died in the hospital.”
This example, of course, cannot serve as a standard for how to behave in such situations, but it shows how one can act without the involvement of psychiatry and without putting a person on psychotropic drugs, without eliminating the real problem of his antisocial and aggressive behavior.
Yes, there are situations when it is not a girl who lives next to you, but an adult with great strength, and who suddenly begins to rush at you with a knife or otherwise threaten your life. Let's say you - elderly woman and live alone with such a person in an apartment.
Of course, in such cases it is simply necessary to isolate such a person from society and from you - placing him somewhere where he will not threaten anyone’s life. BUT it is important that this is NOT isolation in a psychiatric hospital.
Call the police, but don't ask the cops to call a psychiatric ambulance. If such aggressive person placed in a secure, locked room at the police station for several days, then his ardor may subside. And then, you need to go and look for the reason why this person suddenly began to behave aggressively, first by eliminating the use of psychotropic drugs, which may be the direct cause of aggressive behavior.
In addition, a person's awareness of the threat of real punishment for a crime, as in the case of being placed in a cell for several days, can bring a person to his senses.
If a person has already been taking psychotropic medications for a long time, then such an aggressive outburst should serve as your first warning sign that the situation will worsen and, perhaps, you need to contact a competent doctor to take your loved one off psychotropic medications. Next, you need to give the person a full medical examination and find hidden neglected physical illness which caused aggressive behavior.
And you will always find such a disease or several!
Another example. In September 2015, at the exhibition “Psychiatry: the Industry of Death,” a woman came up to me and said that she was a psychiatrist and for seven years she had been treating a man with psychotropic drugs for a mental disorder, the manifestations of which were aggressive behavior towards others - he threw a knife at his mother. This psychiatrist told me that recently she accidentally found out that a man already had for a long time was benign tumor brain, and just recently he had surgery to remove the tumor. After this operation, according to the psychiatrist, the man’s aggressive behavior completely disappeared. The psychiatrist admitted that she should have ruled out physical problems from the outset before prescribing any psychotropic medications to the patient.
Here is an excerpt from the report “Is there an alternative to psychotropic drugs?”:
"A study conducted by Dr. E. Cheraskin and Dr. W. Ringsford, the results of which were presented at a hearing of the Select Committee on Nutrition and Human Needs of the US Senate, showed that people with symptoms of schizophrenia experience deficiency good nutrition and vitamin B.
Symptoms of “schizophrenia” are associated with a lack of essential elements in the body fatty acids, and the World Health Organization states that the human diet should contain at least 3% of unsaturated fatty acids. total number calories consumed.
After Mrs. N. was diagnosed with schizophrenia (due to hearing voices in her head), her condition worsened to the point where she could no longer speak, bathe, or eat on her own. and go to the toilet. A thorough medical examination revealed that she had a disorder in the metabolism of glucose, a substance that provides the brain with energy. After a course of treatment, she quickly recovered. And then she completely recovered, and not a trace remained of her previous mental disorder.
There is ample evidence that a real physical illness, with a real pathology, can have a serious impact on mental condition and human behavior. Psychiatry ignores this scientific evidence, claiming that certain diseases and “chemical imbalances” of the brain are to blame, the existence of which has never been proven, and limits itself to the use of pharmaceuticals and other similar drugs, although so far this has not brought any benefit to anyone, but on the contrary, it caused irreparable harm to the body and personality of many patients.”
And I also want to say in a few words about the situation when it comes to antisocial and aggressive behavior a criminal (who has violated the law in the past and continues to violate it now), who is also on a psychiatric register and takes psychotropic medications.
Regardless of availability psychiatric diagnosis, such a person must bear full responsibility under the law for the unlawful act. A person's psychiatric diagnosis should never be used as an excuse for committing a crime.
WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD’S BEHAVIOR SUDDENLY STARTED TO HAVE AGGRESSIVE NOTES?
A child may begin to behave aggressively simply as a sign of protest to what is happening in his environment. This is especially common among children in orphanages and boarding schools, when children do not agree with the director orphanage, with teachers or due to conflicts with peers.
In such cases, psychiatrists prescribe psychotropic drugs to such “aggressive” children in order to correct their behavior.
This approach NEVER works, and makes the child even more aggressive, not to mention the occurrence of future physical problems in the child due to the use of strong drugs, some of which may have a narcotic effect.
In addition, almost all children from orphanages, with rare exceptions, have pedagogical neglect, which is corrected by correction of education and upbringing, and not by psychotropic drugs. Such children need love, patience and care from adults, and not being stuffed with pills.
A child may have serious learning problems - he may not understand at all what the teacher is saying, he may become upset and begin to protest because of this and begin to conflict with teachers and peers. All this can be resolved if you help the child figure out what exactly he did not understand, starting from the very beginning. Psychotropic drugs for learning problems will make the child completely unable to absorb material and learn.
We must also not lose sight of the presence of physical problems in the child due to chronic diseases, nutritional problems, intoxication, lack of vitamins and minerals.
A child’s diet, for example, may be oversaturated with carbohydrates and sugars, which can cause sudden ups and downs in mood, or the child may have helminths (worms), which is why the child may be constantly capricious and not sit still.
All such problems are described in.
That is, if you are faced with the fact that your child has suddenly become aggressive, start looking for the REAL reason for his aggression - it will be either in the child’s environment or in his body. But it’s not due to a lack of psychotropic drugs in the body.
WHAT IS THE BEST ACTION TO TAKE IF AN ELDERLY PERSON HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH DEMENTIA AND HE BEHAVIORS IN A WAY THAT THREATENES THE SAFETY OF OTHERS AROUND (MAY FORGET TO SHUT OFF GAS, WATER, CAREFULLY HANDL FIRE, ETC. )?
First of all, you need to understand that there are natural processes aging, which can lead to old man may forget something or behave somehow “strangely”.
In this case, for safety, you just need to ensure that such an elderly person is always surrounded by a relative or a caregiver who will take ordinary care, help the elderly person in everyday life and provide first aid if necessary.
Now there are a lot of companies and organizations that provide similar services for a reasonable fee.
I understand that not everyone can afford this, but this means that you need to organize your life so that relatives are on duty in shifts with the elderly person. Or take him to live with you.
Understand that you need to be tolerant, understanding that no one in old age is immune from such a condition. With this approach, it will be easier for you to resolve the situation.
If you attribute all the inappropriate manifestations of an elderly person to mental illness and allow this person to take psychotropic drugs, thereby you will hasten his death. This is also a well-known fact (see the report "Unmasking the dangers of antidepressants and other psychotropic drugs").
At the same time that you have provided care and supervision for the elderly person, help him undergo a full medical examination and begin medical treatment. There can be many physical problems, but you should consult with a competent doctor (not a psychiatrist) which problem in the body of an elderly person is most pressing, what needs to be treated first in order for it to bring real relief.
Carefully review the annotation and description of any prescribed drug, since it is possible that they will include some psychotropic drugs without your knowledge.
The life of your relatives, if they are faced with mental problems, depends on how carefully you approach this issue. Don't rely on the psychiatrist to know better than you what to do with the person. Find a competent doctor general practice and get his advice and be tolerant.
Tatyana Malchikova, President of the Civil Commission on Human Rights
Expert advice
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To Oil paint to prevent it from drying out during storage and to prevent a film from forming on it, place a circle of thick paper on the surface of the paint and fill it with a thin layer of drying oil.
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"To prevent the screw, the head of which is hidden behind the obstacle, from rotating along with the tightened nut, you need to throw several turns of thread or thin wire over it and lightly tighten the ends. Due to friction, the screw is held well in place. The ends of the thread can be cut off after tightening."
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Wooden screw plugs crumble and fall out of the wall. Take your time to cut out the new plug. Fill the hole in the wall tightly with nylon from an old stocking. Using a nail of a suitable diameter heated red hot, melt a hole for the screw. The fused nylon will turn into a strong cork.
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Before drilling a hole in a concrete wall, secure a piece of paper just below it. Dust and concrete fragments will not fly around the room.
"To cut a pipe exactly at a right angle, we recommend doing this. Take an even strip of paper and screw it onto the pipe along the sawing line. The plane passing through the edge of the paper will be strictly perpendicular to the axis of the pipe."
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You can cut a piece of slate of the required size with a saw, but it is better and easier to punch holes along the line of the intended cut with a nail at a frequency of 2-3 cm, and then break off the slate on the support.
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When making shaped window casings, it is most convenient to cut shaped holes with a hacksaw with a sharpened blade.
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"If you need to screw a screw into the end of a particle board, drill a hole slightly smaller than the diameter of the screw, fill the hole with Moment glue (not epoxy!), screw the screw in a day later. The board does not delaminate. However, the resulting connection can only be placed under load through day. "
"It is more convenient to secure portraits, photographs, paintings in wooden frames with glass not with nails, but with the help of pushpins bent at right angles. The pins are gently pressed with a screwdriver. Compared with nails, the danger of splitting thin frames is reduced to a minimum."
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For carrying at home large sheets plywood, glass or thin iron It is convenient to use a wire holder with three hooks at the bottom and a handle at the top.
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Explains family psychologist, psychoanalyst Anna Khnykina.
Signs of trouble
Beats means he loves... This is the 21st century, and many women in our country have only recently overcome this stereotype and understood: hitting means loving... to beat. And perhaps it hits, which means it can kill. Domestic violence is true, although it is slowly becoming unacceptable.
However, negative attitude In our country it is only developing towards open assault. But in addition to direct physical aggression, there is more soft shapes domestic tyranny. Violence is any form of violation of personal boundaries. Often there is no assault (not yet?), but coercion, hidden blackmail, psychological pressure present in the family.
Often these are the first steps towards physical violence. There are a number of signs by which you can realize that real trouble may soon happen. Remember, you are in danger if your man:
- aggressive and rude towards you;
- subject to sudden changes in mood, accompanied by outbursts of irritability and anger;
- behaves from the position of “senior”, “educates” you, trying to “make you better”;
- imposes his worldview, does not accept yours;
- tries to isolate you from your social circle (friends, family), explaining this by saying that they are a “bad influence” on family relationships;
- pathologically jealous and this justifies his behavior and total control over you;
- reads your personal correspondence, examines the contents of your computer, rummages through your things;
- constantly shifts responsibility for his actions to others;
- regularly forces you to do things that you don’t like or don’t think you should do (including sexual relations, but not only in them);
- threatens to commit suicide if you want to end the relationship;
- threatens to take your children away from you.
What to do if you are a victim of domestic violence?
Infographics
In a vicious circle
It’s a paradox - many women publicly declare: if a man raises his hand, you should immediately leave. And when it comes down to it, they stay with the tyrant, hoping that this time was the last.
Perhaps, many are frightened by the fact that in our society the blame for domestic violence is often placed on the victim: “she brought the guy down,” “that means she’s like that herself.” This point of view has no basis. Sometimes this is not easy to understand and requires serious psychological work from a woman.
The story of domestic tyranny often begins quite nicely: a well-bred girl really wants to bring happiness to someone, take care, wait, meet expectations as much as possible... Many women want someone to come into their life, organize everything for them, tell them how and what they need do. In other words, you want to give responsibility for yourself into the hands of someone Strong Man. This is how you become at risk of becoming a victim of domestic violence... Domestic tyranny begins where you completely give responsibility for your life to someone else.
Relationships built on the suppression of one person by another form a vicious circle of dependence. And from these relationships themselves, and from other people’s opinions. Such dependence gives rise to self-doubt and the inability to defend one’s point of view. Everything is tied to this vicious circle. To leave, you need to stop thinking about what they - relatives, colleagues, passersby - will say...
Until it's not too late
If violence is already taking place or there are all signs that it will happen soon, you need to save yourself. You need to understand that nothing is more important than your life. If you are beaten, forced all the time, condemned, criticized, accused - understand that it will never be different with this person. There is no hope that he will change. You need to leave such a relationship.
Once should be enough to understand who is in front of you. The beatings will definitely happen again. A man who allows himself physical aggression has not lost his temper - he needs a psychiatric examination.
Don't be silent, call for help. Tell your family and friends everything, contact special support services. Don’t stop at those who tell you that everything in the family depends on the woman and that you have to endure and try. Find those who will truly support you.
In 90% of cases, women leave with nothing. Be prepared for this and, if the situation is threatening, do not hold on to what you have acquired together. It's not worth it. Practice shows: none of those who managed to escape from a domestic tyrant regretted and returned to their tormentors. These women built their own lives and found ways and opportunities.
It’s not your fault, this can happen to anyone. But it's up to you to decide. They can help you, but no one will save you if you don’t want it yourself.
The question is simple for people who are passionate about all sorts of anomalies, but for people who are completely unprepared, it requires an explanation (at least superficially), otherwise for them this is a real problem: how to behave and what to do in this situation - they do not know at all.
Whether you believe in the existence of UFOs or don’t believe, whether this situation makes you feel ironic or serious, there is still a possibility that you may find yourself witnessing a UFO, but you will find yourself euphoric from what you see and not knowing what to do and how behave in such a situation, your “contact” (perhaps the most significant event in your life) will take place unnoticed and meaning nothing.
Ufologists do not know what a UFO is. In their countless conversations and debates, they only assume: aliens, guests from the future or a parallel world, secret tests of super technologies, etc.... But while they are discussing, we are forced to admit that the “UFO phenomenon” is, nevertheless, the rarest and an amazing phenomenon, and meeting it is no less effective a spectacle and event than a tourist trip to an exotic country or a parachute jump from the Eiffel Tower.
So what to do if you do encounter a UFO?
We all know that dinosaurs are extinct. Now imagine that suddenly in the middle broad daylight you saw a living dinosaur! Here he stands before you, despite all your knowledge! This feeling of surprise and inexplicable fear is also experienced by a UFO witness. Therefore, the first thing you must do and be able to do is: remain calm (configure yourself that there are no UFOs or dinosaurs). Continue to passively observe, trying to remember as many details of the observed picture as possible and be ready to change to a normal state when reacting to the unknown (run, take cover, hide).
Be objective! When looking at the “picture”, do not put forward your own versions and do not look for details of forgotten films and read books in associations. Remember, aliens are idle inventions of journalists, and in front of you is just a flying car without any identification marks. Try to consider all kinds of details - this will help to identify the object as much as possible later.
Calmly take out your phone, take a few photos, and then turn on the video camera and film what is happening. Try to take pictures from different angles, use zoom and dictate comments. The word “calm” is appropriate here, since often in this situation, experiencing euphoria or even hysteria, eyewitnesses either forget about the existence of the camera in their phone or forget where it turns on.
Take a look around. Are there people nearby? Try to attract their attention with questions like: “Can you tell me what it is, hanging (flying) over there?” Don't be afraid of being mistaken for a crazy person. More eyewitnesses - more trust!
If the “picture” promises to be long, call a journalist friend, an astronomical observatory, television, a newspaper... make your friends pay attention in real time (preferably in the same city or locality). Such a call can mobilize in a few minutes an entire army of observers from different points. Just make one or two mobile calls.
Be careful! Remember what you encountered in this moment- not studied! Therefore, keep your distance, do not provoke the attention of the observed object to you (do not shout or throw stones at it, for example, as some managed to do), remembering that in most cases “close contacts” with an unknown phenomenon ended in disastrous consequences both for the physical and mental health!
If there is an impact of the object on environment(traces of plantings, livestock injuries, other material damage, etc.) try to prevent onlookers from accessing this place until the police arrive. Justify the danger of radiation contamination of the area. When calling the police, talk about the impact/damage, and not about UFOs and other strange phenomena.
After the incident, you will be in euphoria for several hours from what you saw, but the very next day, intertwined with everyday duties, you will begin to lose the smallest details in your memory, so try to write a report on what you saw on the day of observation. This can be done by dictating into a voice recorder all the smallest details of your encounter with a UFO or doing it in writing according to a UFO eyewitness questionnaire (which can be found in advance on the Internet on most ufological sites). Never put it off until tomorrow!
And one last thing. Who should you give your report on your UFO encounter to? You will definitely ask yourself this question. There are no official government agencies that might be interested in your testimony (at least here in Ukraine). In contrast to them, there are private groups and public organizations ufologists, where your testimony is always in demand.
Try to contact ufologists (here the Internet will provide invaluable help) in your city or region. The closer they are geographically, the better. You will receive all the necessary advice directly from them. You will not be paid money for your story and report, but be prepared for the fact that your testimony may cause a resonance in research circles, and this entails interviews, attention from the press and television (be sure to discuss this point with ufologists if you do not have desires for public interest in one’s person).
Yaroslav Sochka. Chief Editor Internet publication "Ukraine Anomalous"
WITH early years Girls are taught to give in, avoid conflicts, be submissive and flexible. It's no surprise that we are much more likely to be emotionally abused as adults than men. What is emotional abuse? These are attempts to force you to do what your partner wants through threats, insults or blackmail. This is what I want to talk about today.
When I was about twenty years old, I clearly realized that I had one problem - I don’t know how to refuse people. Not in the sense of everyone and for any reason, but only in two categories. The first is my loved ones, the second is people whom I consider friends and good acquaintances and those who demonstrate their good disposition towards me. With the first, everything is clear: it is difficult to refuse parents, husband or other close relatives, even if their requests cause some discomfort. As for the latter, for a long time I thought that since a person treats me well and at the same time needs help, I should help him. I don’t know where I got this attitude, but one day I realized that quite a large number of people, including close ones, brazenly and shamelessly take advantage of my kindness, giving absolutely nothing in return, except for the notorious goodwill that, in general, , why the hell didn’t fall.
Why are we afraid to refuse a person’s request or do we follow his lead over and over again, pushing our own interests into the background? I think that the range of reasons is not too wide, but significant. A sense of duty (he is my father, I have to do this for him), fear of ruining the relationship (if I stand my ground, my husband will leave me), tribute to tradition (in our family, women marry only Muslims, Orthodox Christians, Jews, etc. .d. - underline as necessary), fear of the unknown (the boss demands to work overtime, if I refuse, I could be fired) and a feeling of guilt (how can you do this - think about the children!).
How to avoid emotional abuse? Just recently I read the book “Emotional Blackmail” by the famous psychotherapist Susan Forward. Here is an example from her book: “I told my partner that I was going to go to class once a week in the evenings, and he began to scold me with his characteristic indifference. “Do as you wish - you will still do it your way,” he said, “but do not expect that I will wait for your return. You know - I’m always at your disposal, why don’t you respond in kind now?” I knew his arguments were pointless, but they made me feel like I was being too selfish. I gave up classes. LIZ".
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? It would seem like nothing special, but this behavior of a partner makes you feel like an ungrateful bastard.
Do they promise to make your life difficult if you don't comply with their demands?
Constantly threatening to end the relationship if you don't do what they need?
They say or hint that they will be indifferent to their health or commit suicide; Do they look depressed when you don't do what they want?
Always want to get more no matter how much you give?
Are they always waiting for you to give in to them?
Are your needs and wants constantly ignored or not taken into account?
Do they make generous promises and link them to your behavior, but rarely follow through?
Do they accuse you of being selfish, uncaring, greedy, insensitive, or uncaring if you don't do what they want?
Do they shower you with praise when you give in, and are offended if you do things their way?
Do they use money as a means to achieve their goals?
And now ways to overcome emotional abuse.
1. Self-conviction. Imagine that you are holding a plastic shield between you and the blackmailer, like the police have, and repeat one phrase: “I can stand this.” You need to repeat it regularly, at least ten times a day. This purely rote learning will help you believe in your ability to resist the blackmailer.
2. You have the right to a deferment. Any blackmailer demands an immediate response to his request. But you don't have to make a decision right here and now. Prepare phrases like “I don’t have to answer you right now. I need to think,” “I’m not ready to make a decision right now.” If your partner starts asking: “How much longer will you think?”, answer: “As much as necessary.” This way you will break the usual scenario.
3. Use physical distance from the blackmailer. If you feel like you might break down, you can say: “I need to go out,” “I’m thirsty,” etc. This short-term distance will help you collect your thoughts.
4. Give a positive answer, but with a certain condition. For example, you agree to work overtime one day, but the next day your boss gives you half a day off.
5. Don't try to change your opponent, try to change your behavior. Think about what will happen if, in response to reproaches and accusations, you say: “I’m sorry that you’re angry”, “I can’t understand why you think that”, “Really?”, “Screams / threats / insults / crying more they don’t help you and don’t solve anything,” “Let’s talk when you calm down,” “Dad, I can’t be like Eric, because I’m not Eric. I am me". These phrases are the basis of non-defensive communication.
6. If they try to force you to change your mind by promising that something terrible will happen because of you (for example, a blackmailer threatens to commit suicide), answer: “It’s your choice,” “I hope you don’t do this, because I I won’t change my decision”, “It’s a pity that you were so offended”, “I won’t take more than half of the responsibility”, etc.
I think some of the ways are really very true and correct. On the other hand, it seemed to me that the author’s message is to try with all your might to avoid aggression. In this connection, I have a question for the community: is it really necessary to always try to smooth out the conflict? Let me remind you that we are talking about people close to you or significant in your life.
